The Fish Tank

I am beautiful. I am smart. I am creative. I am stubborn. I am funny. I am emotional. I am passionate. I am determined. I am a daughter of the King. I am saved by grace. I am love. I am full of chaos. I am His. "Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day." Psalm 139: 14-16 Have you ever let these verses sink in; really truly allow them to penetrate your soul and very being? I have heard, said, and written about these verses multiple times. I don't, however, t...

I watched my friend of 24 years sob over her mother like I had never heard before in all the years I've known her. From heart ache to divorce to a deployed husband (multiple times), I have never heard her wail like this. Her mother is 59, far too young to be at this stage, and they were told there was nothing more the doctors could do. Hospice or an answered miracle call was all that was left. Through her wailing and sobbing she asked the whys and we all stood there in silence also wondering why such a beautiful woman's life had come to this. Why couldn't it be the convict or the abuser? I couldn't answer the whys then and I still can't. All I could do for her was pray, love on her, and give her a verse I had read that morning before we made our way to the hospital. "So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed , for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Isaiah 41:10 God does not tell us t...

I am prideful. I like compliments and when people tell me they like my outfit, or how I decorate my house, or that my kids are good kids and I am doing a good job it feels good. I like when people are proud of the way I serve. It just plain feels good. There is nothing like a compliment or pat on the back. You feel accomplished and like maybe, just maybe, you are doing something right. God, however, desires us to serve and live with a humble heart and spirit. "When you do good deeds, don’t try to show off. If you do, you won’t get a reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to the poor, don’t blow a loud horn. That’s what show-offs do in the meeting places and on the street corners, because they are always looking for praise. I can assure you that they already have their reward. When you give to the poor, don’t let anyone know about it. Then your gift will be given in secret. Your Father knows what is done in secret, and he will reward you." Matthew 6:1-4 God asks ...

I know I swore off social media for Passion week but technically this blog is my journal. I will post this entry to Facebook because I feel like someone needs to hear this or, can at least relate. I don't think anything is by accident. I do believe accidents happen but there is a design to it all. I was standing in my bathroom looking into my ridiculously full closet and thought back to a conversation I had with two girlfriends that afternoon. We were talking about our desires and love to chase after the "more:" more stuff, more clothes, more house, you get the idea. We see everyone around us in these stupidly big Texas-sized homes taking these elaborate vacations wearing the perfectly styled outfit with their Pinterest snacks and crafts for their kiddos and feel like we are behind in the race. Quite frankly, we will NEVER win that race and it DOES. NOT. MATTER. “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This i...

"I realized I wanted to see the whole body moving instead of just doing my part. I wanted to know the ins and outs of what I was affecting, and a little diagram of potential issues headed my way would be awesome. I wanted the scientist's view. I wasn't given that, and it wasn't by accident." Angie Smith I was on my knees in Grady's room crying harder than I probably ever have begging our great Lord for my precious boy. You see, I had been through two miscarriages, one being at the end of the first trimester with a baby that had Downs. Grady's room sat empty and I desperately wanted it filled. I knew deep down in my heart that Jackson was meant to be a big brother and not an only child but after the way things were going, that looked bleak. I begged and cried and begged some more. I am sure I promised God the moon too. God did eventually bless us with Grady and then blew our socks off with Wyatt; our bonus baby that we weren't planning on but now know...

"She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her." Proverbs 3:15 I took this verse completely out of context but I love it all the same. Solomon is speaking of wisdom here, but when I think of something being equated to the beauty of rubies, I think of how God looks at us; specifically us women. So often I look to everything everywhere before I look to God. I look to social trends, what is or isn't accepted. I look to my husband or others in my church. I look to those that have the same college degree as me, live similar, or think the same. I compare, fret, envy. I become insecure because there is always, ALWAYS, someone better. Rarely do I look to God for validation. I kept myself up one night asking why I look everywhere but to the One who created me to find my security; my validity in who I am. Psalm 139:13 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." He created me knowing me far more int...

I am prideful. I am a gossip; overly opinionated. I fail others everyday. I look to things and not to Him. I am disrespectful and not always submissive. Yet, He loves me. "But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with me even the worst of sinners. Then others will realize that they too can believe in Him and receive eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:16 1 Timothy 1:16 is typically not the verse that is presented when someone is coming to salvation. However, I feel this verse encompasses everything we believe. I am reading a book that touched on salvation. The author discusses how the church (if I may be so bold) has, in a way, missed the boat on salvation. No where in the Bible do we read the sinners prayer. There is also no verbiage in the good Book about accepting Jesus into our hearts. While I believe these tools help those who do not know Jesus and give them an opportunity to come to Him, I think our salvation is so mu...