When life seems in disarray, I clean. I need time to process the atrocities of our time. I can't wrap my head around the crazy things that occur in our world daily. I need time to breath and the way I do that is by cleaning like a crazy person. I've been like this since I was little. As long as the world around me is in order, I feel better. When the throw pillows are in there place and you can see the vacuum lines on in the carpet, my soul settles down. Monday came and I was feeling uneasy. The world was in chaos, my husband was on a plane to DC, and talk of middle of the night storms with embedded tornadoes had me reeling. So, I did what any sane person does when life seems completely out of your hands, I vacuumed, did laundry, and organized the play room.
As I cleaned the crumbs off the floor of our kitchen, I prayed. I cried and I prayed cleaning the mess leftover from a family that is loved and cared for. I was reminded in that moment that while I may feel like everything is in complete disarray with no way out, I am cared for; His provision is upon me and all of us.
The Old Testament is filled with so many stories that remind me of our lives today. Stories of suffering, questioning God, wandering and wondering fill the pages. One particular story stands out to me. I have learned about and heard sermons about these people a few times over the past couple of months. I wrote the name of one of the characters down on a piece of paper where I kept my to-do list of things to complete. I believe it is by no accident that this name is at the forefront of my mind.
Let me give you a little history. Many have heard the story of Jacob and Esau. We learn that being the first born, Esau was to receive the inheritance and blessing from his father. Jacob and his mother were not having that. So, Jacob tricked his brother and father into giving him the blessing instead of Esau. Well, Esau found out what Jacob had done sending Jacob running from his brother. He ended up at his uncle's land. When Jacob arrived, he saw Rachel and, as the Bible explains, she was the pretty one. He asked Laban, his uncle, if he could marry her (I will have your pastor or someone much more versed in Scripture explain that one to you.) Laban told Jacob he could marry Rachel after tending to the land for seven years. He does so and Laban allows Jacob to marry his daughter. Unfortunately for Jacob, Laban tricks him into marrying his other, less-of-a-looker daughter, Leah. I don't know how anyone thinks the Bible is boring. It could beat any soap opera in ratings in my opinion. So, there Jacob is married to the "lesser" daughter, Leah. He convinces Laban to allow him to marry Rachel, too, and Laban agrees to give Jacob his other daughter after another long seven years of work. Again, I will allow the Biblical scholars explain that one.
Jacob finally marries Rachel. Leah feels substandard and cries out to the Lord numerous times asking that she bear a son for Jacob. Rachel, at the time, is barren. Leah keeps popping out son after son finally praising the Lord after she has their last boy. Rachel finally has Joseph giving Jacob one more boy. Joseph always gets the time and fame because of that amazing colored coat his father gave him. But, it is Rachel's last son that stands out to me.
Rachel gives birth to Benjamin while the crew is traveling from Bethel to Canaan. She has a difficult labor (read Genesis 35:16-20). Her midwife tells her not to be afraid for she had another son. Rachel dies in childbirth but before she passes she names her son Ben-Oni. This name is thought to mean suffering (son of my sorrow). Jacob loved Rachel. She was the one he always wanted. He could not bear to have a son named, "son of my sorrow." Names had a great impact on the lives of the people and Jacob could not imagine calling his son, Benoni, thinking of the great sorrow he felt losing his precious wife. So, he renamed him Benjamin meaning, "son of my right side." Benjamin's name being associated with the right side typically refers to strength. Benjamin had two names: one meaning suffering or sorrow and the other meaning strength. He went on the lead one of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Why give you all this detail and history? Well, as I vacuumed and organized trying to release the sorrow I felt for our hurting world, I thought of Benoni. We can't have strength without suffering. We wouldn't know what strength was or how to unleash it if we didn't have sorrow pushing us there. We need one to spawn the other.
Yesterday, the boys and I were exhausted from our 4am tornado warning wake-up call. We turned on a movie and fell into the couch trying to get some much needed rest. We watched Inside Out.If you don't have children or have never seen this movie, it is about the inner workings in our brain that control our emotions. The movie follows a little girl and her handling of life events through her emotional response. There's anger, disgust, fear, joy, and sadness. Joy wants to control the entire situation. She works tirelessly to subdue sadness and all the negative feelings. Man, this is so me. All to often, I try to sweep all the yucky feelings to the side because I would much rather have joy. In the end, Joy realizes that she needs sadness. Without sadness, people don't show up to bring you joy. You can't have one without the other.
Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood has a quote that circulates a lot after tragedy. He said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” As I watched the news in stunned silence I couldn't help but notice the helpers: the strength the arose amidst great sorrow.
You know, terrorists' main goal is to paralyze us in fear. They want nothing less than to disassemble us leading us to attack one another and break apart is disunity. It always amazes me that every time they attack us, whether here or abroad, they do the opposite. Their propaganda to destroy the very heart of our being is to destroy our love, yet time and time again people lose their cloaks of color, race, religion, and political views to step up and help a brother in need. Strength in the sorrow.
I do not have the answers in what we do next or how we make all this nonsense stop. I cannot completely wrap my head around this world and the ugliness that gets the spotlight all too often. But, what I can do is see the strength in the sorrow. I can see that joy needs sadness. I know many will question how God would allow this to happen. I caution us here. I want us to remember that God is still very present and that it grieves Him to see His people suffer. Revelation 21:4 says, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." This verse is in reference to Heaven. We know we will have trials in our lifetime. This world is fallen and broken. Satan does not have victory in the end but will do everything in his power to have victory over you and I as long as he can. That means paralyzing us in fear and causing us to curse God for being so cruel. We have to remember that we are created with free will to chose how we respond to life. We can curse God and surely die (die in spirit while we are still alive) or we can chose to realize that there is a grander story at play; that strength needs sorrow in order for God to be seen.
I see God in the tears and horror and I also see God in the pianist who drove his piano four hours to bring comfort to a city in morning helping them "Imagine" a world better than the one we see. God doesn't make mistakes. People do. God doesn't create evil. Satan does through people. Out of sorrow come so much good. We just have to open our eyes to see it.
I often wonder what our Bible story will look like. If God is writing our story and our lives and what we do with them wind up in a new Bible talking about our histories and how we handled what life threw at us, what would it say? What are we going to do with all this sorrow and all this fear? Are we going to let it paralyze us? Disengage us? Create conflict between us? Because if we do that, we have allowed the enemy to win. If we see the strength in the sorrow and tell our sons and daughters that while they may "have guns we have flowers" (quoted from a father consoling his young son in France), He wins and, in return, we all win.
We need to remember that strength and joy need sadness and suffering. And one day, all our tears will be wiped from our faces and we will see His story of justice, mercy, love, and humbleness take root.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
As I cleaned the crumbs off the floor of our kitchen, I prayed. I cried and I prayed cleaning the mess leftover from a family that is loved and cared for. I was reminded in that moment that while I may feel like everything is in complete disarray with no way out, I am cared for; His provision is upon me and all of us.
The Old Testament is filled with so many stories that remind me of our lives today. Stories of suffering, questioning God, wandering and wondering fill the pages. One particular story stands out to me. I have learned about and heard sermons about these people a few times over the past couple of months. I wrote the name of one of the characters down on a piece of paper where I kept my to-do list of things to complete. I believe it is by no accident that this name is at the forefront of my mind.
Let me give you a little history. Many have heard the story of Jacob and Esau. We learn that being the first born, Esau was to receive the inheritance and blessing from his father. Jacob and his mother were not having that. So, Jacob tricked his brother and father into giving him the blessing instead of Esau. Well, Esau found out what Jacob had done sending Jacob running from his brother. He ended up at his uncle's land. When Jacob arrived, he saw Rachel and, as the Bible explains, she was the pretty one. He asked Laban, his uncle, if he could marry her (I will have your pastor or someone much more versed in Scripture explain that one to you.) Laban told Jacob he could marry Rachel after tending to the land for seven years. He does so and Laban allows Jacob to marry his daughter. Unfortunately for Jacob, Laban tricks him into marrying his other, less-of-a-looker daughter, Leah. I don't know how anyone thinks the Bible is boring. It could beat any soap opera in ratings in my opinion. So, there Jacob is married to the "lesser" daughter, Leah. He convinces Laban to allow him to marry Rachel, too, and Laban agrees to give Jacob his other daughter after another long seven years of work. Again, I will allow the Biblical scholars explain that one.
Jacob finally marries Rachel. Leah feels substandard and cries out to the Lord numerous times asking that she bear a son for Jacob. Rachel, at the time, is barren. Leah keeps popping out son after son finally praising the Lord after she has their last boy. Rachel finally has Joseph giving Jacob one more boy. Joseph always gets the time and fame because of that amazing colored coat his father gave him. But, it is Rachel's last son that stands out to me.
Rachel gives birth to Benjamin while the crew is traveling from Bethel to Canaan. She has a difficult labor (read Genesis 35:16-20). Her midwife tells her not to be afraid for she had another son. Rachel dies in childbirth but before she passes she names her son Ben-Oni. This name is thought to mean suffering (son of my sorrow). Jacob loved Rachel. She was the one he always wanted. He could not bear to have a son named, "son of my sorrow." Names had a great impact on the lives of the people and Jacob could not imagine calling his son, Benoni, thinking of the great sorrow he felt losing his precious wife. So, he renamed him Benjamin meaning, "son of my right side." Benjamin's name being associated with the right side typically refers to strength. Benjamin had two names: one meaning suffering or sorrow and the other meaning strength. He went on the lead one of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Why give you all this detail and history? Well, as I vacuumed and organized trying to release the sorrow I felt for our hurting world, I thought of Benoni. We can't have strength without suffering. We wouldn't know what strength was or how to unleash it if we didn't have sorrow pushing us there. We need one to spawn the other.
Yesterday, the boys and I were exhausted from our 4am tornado warning wake-up call. We turned on a movie and fell into the couch trying to get some much needed rest. We watched Inside Out.If you don't have children or have never seen this movie, it is about the inner workings in our brain that control our emotions. The movie follows a little girl and her handling of life events through her emotional response. There's anger, disgust, fear, joy, and sadness. Joy wants to control the entire situation. She works tirelessly to subdue sadness and all the negative feelings. Man, this is so me. All to often, I try to sweep all the yucky feelings to the side because I would much rather have joy. In the end, Joy realizes that she needs sadness. Without sadness, people don't show up to bring you joy. You can't have one without the other.
Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood has a quote that circulates a lot after tragedy. He said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” As I watched the news in stunned silence I couldn't help but notice the helpers: the strength the arose amidst great sorrow.
You know, terrorists' main goal is to paralyze us in fear. They want nothing less than to disassemble us leading us to attack one another and break apart is disunity. It always amazes me that every time they attack us, whether here or abroad, they do the opposite. Their propaganda to destroy the very heart of our being is to destroy our love, yet time and time again people lose their cloaks of color, race, religion, and political views to step up and help a brother in need. Strength in the sorrow.
I do not have the answers in what we do next or how we make all this nonsense stop. I cannot completely wrap my head around this world and the ugliness that gets the spotlight all too often. But, what I can do is see the strength in the sorrow. I can see that joy needs sadness. I know many will question how God would allow this to happen. I caution us here. I want us to remember that God is still very present and that it grieves Him to see His people suffer. Revelation 21:4 says, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." This verse is in reference to Heaven. We know we will have trials in our lifetime. This world is fallen and broken. Satan does not have victory in the end but will do everything in his power to have victory over you and I as long as he can. That means paralyzing us in fear and causing us to curse God for being so cruel. We have to remember that we are created with free will to chose how we respond to life. We can curse God and surely die (die in spirit while we are still alive) or we can chose to realize that there is a grander story at play; that strength needs sorrow in order for God to be seen.
I see God in the tears and horror and I also see God in the pianist who drove his piano four hours to bring comfort to a city in morning helping them "Imagine" a world better than the one we see. God doesn't make mistakes. People do. God doesn't create evil. Satan does through people. Out of sorrow come so much good. We just have to open our eyes to see it.
I often wonder what our Bible story will look like. If God is writing our story and our lives and what we do with them wind up in a new Bible talking about our histories and how we handled what life threw at us, what would it say? What are we going to do with all this sorrow and all this fear? Are we going to let it paralyze us? Disengage us? Create conflict between us? Because if we do that, we have allowed the enemy to win. If we see the strength in the sorrow and tell our sons and daughters that while they may "have guns we have flowers" (quoted from a father consoling his young son in France), He wins and, in return, we all win.
We need to remember that strength and joy need sadness and suffering. And one day, all our tears will be wiped from our faces and we will see His story of justice, mercy, love, and humbleness take root.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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