The Fish Tank

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philipians 1:6 I know today is not Monday, but I have to get this down. Not necessarily for me to share with the world, but to remind myself that even though I may feel like I am stagnant in my faith, He is always changing me. Over the past two to three months I have felt a great need for growth and maturity in my life. I have longed for months for a season of challenge from the Lord. I felt stopped in my faith going with the flow because "church" was easy for me; a habit. However, I didn't want it to just be a habit. I wanted "church" to be my life; who I am. About two months ago or so, I began to notice how deeply the messages I had heard at church, Bible study, and everyday life had started to change me...in a good way I think. I began to develop a severe thirst and hunger for the Lord that I have not felt in a long time. I g...

I was in a rut and needed a good study to get back into the swing of things with my quiet time with God. I am SO happy with the one I got! It is called "God at your wits end" by Marilyn Meberg. I am not necessarily at my "wits end" with God, but this study is incredible. I feel like I am being reminded of how good He is and what His grace truly means. Here are a couple quotes from the book/Scripture that really spoke to me. According to Merilyn Meberg, the dictionary says that "faith does not rest on logical proof or material evidence." "But were I to be condemned for my humanity, I would no longer live in the grace of God, who declares me perfect because of Jesus." Meberg "The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting." Psalm 138:8

"The more you affirm who you are in Christ, the more your behavior will reflect your true identity." Victory Over Darkness

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 I woke up this morning a little tired wondering how I was going to pass the time with my boys on a rainy day. Some days, I must admit, I look forward to the evening when Scott gets home from work and helps me tag-team taking care of the boys. Often times, I feel like I am running a never-ending race never able to catch up or cross the finish line. The days race on blending in with one another until I suddenly realize another month has slipped by without my noticing. Oh, how I wish I could stop time. Why does time have to go by so quickly? Why do our children have to grow up so fast that if we blink we just may miss a precious part of their lives? Can't we just press the pause button every once in a while so we can capture that sweet moment we will never get back? Unfortunately, we cannot. After having Grady, I quickly realized how quickly time passes. I hon...

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 We work so hard to create these amazing little children. Everyday we instill good values, confidence, good decision making, good morals, etc. As parents, we work tirelessly to help our children grow up to be happy, successful, high functioning adults. I must admit that this is the most difficult job I have EVER done! However, I feel like I am creating a masterpiece in my children. I know deep down in my heart that I will look back on life when I am old and gray and see the masterpieces Scott and I have created in our children and be proud. The road to get there may be difficult and trying, but so worth every second! If we work so extraordinarily hard to create masterpieces in our little ones, imagine how hard our Heavenly Father works to create a masterpiece in us. Just like our children, we fight and rebel not knowing how good this i...

Why is it that I seem to have the most fun when we do such simple things? Have I not learned my lesson and thrown out all the expensive complicated activities and just enjoyed each other and our time together? I guess not. Friday, the boys and I hit Home Depot, story time at the library, and had lunch at the park. As Jack and I ate, I watched Grady discovering something new and absolutely incredible: the wind. He was fascinated with the air blowing in his face giggling every time he was tickled by the breeze. As I sat there watching him explore something that is so common to you and I, I realized that it is in the simple things that we find the greatest joy. So, I sat and watched my sweet boys fascinated with the life that God created. Friday was one of the best, most joyful, and relaxing days I have had in a long time! Here's to the simple things!

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here I am. Send me." Isaiah 6:8 Does everyone struggle with giving up control or is it just me? I think in my little mind that I have full control over my life's journey; where I am going to go, what I am going to do, how my kids are going to be, etc, etc. Little do I know that I have absolutely no control. Yes, I can make choices to go this way or that, but ultimately God is the author of this life. Recently, Jackson has been singing, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands," Uncanny timing for me to hear this priceless Sunday School song. I have been questioning, and pondering, and questioning some more. I am wondering what to do when I grow up. I have been a student, a teacher, a mommy, a wife...but what do I want to do now; in this season? I had a few ideas and some options but just wasn't satisfied. I am a go-getter. I have to be challeng...

As a Christian, have you ever felt like you were just going through the motions of your faith? Yes, I believe. Yes, I will live my life one way trying my best to make right choices along the way. Yes, I will teach my children about God and try to set a good example. Blah, blah, blah. I was naive and in "la la" land before I had Grady thinking I could get it all done. I can clean the house, cook, feed Grady every three hours, entertain Jackson, etc. all the while getting in a good devotional time meditating on the Word for a good thirty minutes or so. WRONG! There is no way I was going to complete a good quiet time with a three year old yammering in my ear. I had to find time early morning or late at night. Well, Jack gets up at 6:30am and by the time both boys are in bed, I am wiped! I know, "excuses excuses." What I have learned through my short experience of being a mother of two is that sometimes we don't have time to sit down and be still for that token thir...

I was sitting in church on Sunday for the first time since we had Grady. I love being in church with my children. We sang all the songs I am used to singing and then a song I hadn't heard in months began: You Never Let Go. The last time I heard this song was when I was going through my last miscarriage. It was a popular song during that tumultuous time. I remember crying as a sang that song many times truly believing in all my heart that He didn't let go of me even though I was in despair. Now, here I sat with my newborn son; this little miracle. I had a flashback moment visualizing the last year and a half and all that we have been through and how He was, and is, with us every single step of the way. I felt His presence so deeply in that moment holding Grady and singing a song that has seen me through many dark moments. Now I was singing the song rejoicing. Now the Lord does not always give us what we want. However, I do know and believe that He NEVER let's go! Oh no, You ...

The eggs are dyed, fake grass is all over your living room & in other mysterious places, plastic eggs are opened and missing their mate, hollow chocolate bunnies are missing their ears, Easter dresses are stained, and pastors are still sleeping after their powerful Easter Sunday messages. As any holiday, Easter has come and gone in a flash and we are all recuperating this Monday. So, now what? I am a big holiday lover. I LOVE the traditions, sights, sounds, and smells. I love the anticipation and excitement; especially now that I have a child. However, there is something about Easter that is unlike any other holiday throughout the year. I love Easter but feel like there is just too much hype. I know. Weird. How can there be more hype about Easter than say Christmas? I guess I just feel like everyday is a celebration of the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus why put so much pressure on one weekend? And why do we feel the need to buy a million plastic eggs and candy and scare the ta...

"From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another'" John 1:16 Abundance . What comes to mind when I say that word? Material objects? Having much of something physical? I believe that when the word "abundance" is spoken our minds automatically think of the material. We are trained to do this really. We are inundated with the next best cell phone, house, car, outfit, shoes, etc. that we absolutely have to have right now or else it will be forever gone out of our reach; possession. I, however, began to think differently when abundance was said ever since we moved to Texas. Abundance to me is not about having a lot of things. Ironically, I am in a place in my life in which I have a lot of things. I don't necessarily want a lot of things nor do I care if I have a lot of things. I am just at a place where it is possible to have a lot of things. Things to me are just that; things. I cannot take them with me when I die, they are fleeting, ...

I know it's Wednesday but I am pregnant and have been really tired lately and Jackson has not been napping so you get this today:) Plus, I just had to share this and be transparent as a mommy! "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." Psalm 145:8 I can sit here and give you many excuses for my actions lately. Trust me, they are all listed in my head ready for me to justify my behavior. However, instead of giving you all my excuses I am going to come before you and be honest and raw. I have been really short tempered lately. Scott was out of town from Thursday to Sunday and for some reason I lost all my patience with Jackson. He was not throwing tantrums or being malicious. No. He was just being a boy; a two and a half year old. He enjoyed hiding in the clothes racks at Old Navy (which I TOTALLY remember doing as a kid), didn't sleep as late as I'd like, blah, blah, blah. Silly stuff really but for some reason it just erked me the wr...

There was NOTHING on TV last night so Scott and I decided to rent "Fireproof." I have heard about this movie and knew it was something I wanted to watch with Scott. We all need a little "marriage message" from time-to-time and you can't beat a Kirk Cameron movie. Can I just say that I loved this movie and I highly recommend it to ANYONE who is in a relationship, plans to get married, or is married. The movie showed me how easily we take our spouses for granted, lose sight of one another, get used to each other in a way that we begin ignoring one another, forget how to communicate, easily begin to disrespect each other, and, most importantly, forget how to love. Even though the problems this couple faced were not issues that Scott and I are dealing with at the present time, the message was the same: love your spouse as Christ loves you-unconditionally without limits or expectations. So easily we love expecting something in return. The husband was challenged to lo...

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Ah, faith; difficult to take that leap of faith and believe and difficult to talk about with others. I sit behind the protection of my computer not having to look any of you in the eye. If I offend, I am not always aware. I am in a safe place. Although guarded with some things, I am pretty transparent on my blog. I don't hold much back. It is easy when you are in the comfort of your home sitting behind the computer typing away. Speaking of comfort, I am actually in a pretty comfortable place in my life. Yes, there are unsures and instabilities, but, for the most part, life is comfortable. Whenever I get comfortable, though, I get challenged. I must admit that I have enjoyed this time. Last year was pretty tumultuous. I feel like if I look the wrong way or say the wrong thing a trial or conflict may rear its ugly head. So, I have remained in my little suburban bubble going about my daily routine not taking risks or stepping out of my comfort zone. Of course this game could not go on...

Words inspire me; written, spoken, heard in a movie, from a great friend, a great leader. Words encourage me, challenge me, disturb me. I love to read and write. Both are true passions of mine. There is nothing like a good book or a good story to be told. I was sick (again) last week and Scott, bless his heart, let me jump in bed at 6pm to rest. I took advantage of the quiet to read. The words in this book spoke to me and I enjoyed every minute. One thing I noticed, however, was that as the authors words were inspirational and encouraging what spoke to me the most was the verses at the beginning of each chapter. As words touch my life, there is nothing like Scripture. Some verses hit me so deep in my core that I cannot remain the same once I have read them. I must admit that I am in a lull when it comes to reading the Bible everyday. I have allowed the busyness of life to infiltrate and not allowed time for the most important words of my day; those spoken by God. I went back through th...

I was watching Jackson today and in awe of how completely still he was. He is two and a half and a boy. Stillness does not happen often unless he is asleep. Watching him got me thinking and brought a very familiar verse to mind. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 I have gotten my energy back and boy have I taken advantage! I cannot sit still. If I am sitting I am on the computer, scrapbooking, texting, reading, etc, etc, etc. As I watched Jackson in his stillness, I realized that I need to be still. It is okay to be still. It is in those still and quiet moments that we find the most...the most peace, tranquility, answers, memories, enjoyment. I have decided that life goes by WAY too fast and it is time for me to be still.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him" I am a recovering "fill the void" girl. I would buy something, do something, anything to fill a void whether it be lack of love, lack of stuff, etc. However, when I'd wake up the next day the void would return. Bummer! Then the cycle would begin all over again. Last year I desperately wanted another baby. I absolutely love being pregnant and was excited to watch Jack be a big brother. Unfortunately, but fortunately, God had other plans. As I struggled through the healing and dealing with the fact that God's timing was not my own, i was emailing back and forth with my pastor back in California. He gave me the above quote and it hit me hard! I have had taped to my dashboard ever since. I suddenly realized that nothing I can do will ultimately satisfy me. I will always want more. We all know we live in a society of consume, consume, consume. Even if we don't have the means we still figure out s...

Close your eyes and picture a man with Caucasian features, maybe a little tan, a beard, long brown hair, wearing a robe and sandals. Who are you looking at? Jesus right? Now close your eyes again and picture a large African American woman wearing an African inspired dress and headband cooking and singing to funk. Jesus is not the first person that comes to mind when you see this image. Isn't it amazing how we are all so programmed to view God, or Jesus, as just one image. Even if you are not a "believer" you still can visualize this image of Jesus. Who came up with this picture anyway? I have read through the Bible a few times and studied much about Jesus. Never have I read a description of his appearance other than what we can "assume" based on where he came from. What if God, the Trinity really, doesn't look anything like the picture we have seen a million times? What if he, or she, shows himself, or herself, in a way that speaks to each of us individually...

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 Isn't it ironic that whenever you are going through something you are "spoken to" somehow. Whether a believer or not, something in your life hits you at the core making you think, "How did they know that was exactly what I needed?" I had this experience yesterday. Life has been pretty hunky-dory for me for about two months or so. Everything seems to be going along swimmingly with no "serious" issues and I have finally experienced some joy. Of course this doesn't last too long. I don't want to get comfortable where I am at or anything, geesh! But our culture wants me to believe and think that life should be "comfortable" all the time. Anyway, I have been hit with some pretty serious and heavy stuff to deal with since the new year. Nothing in my immediate surroundings, but something that hits me at the core. Although I am at great pe...