The Fish Tank

Anyone struggle in the parenting realm? I wish I had the hand-raising emoji. I have a feeling we would all be raising our hands. Like any mom, I struggle in all the things motherhood. Just name a day of the week and I can tell you a struggle. We all struggle as moms. Even if we have our mom-game down, we still have our moments. I could write a ten-page blog about all my struggles. But, for the sake of time, I will only chat about one. When I got pregnant with my first-born, I was getting my Masters degree. I thought I would work forever. I had always worked and liked the feeling of contributing to society and financially to our home. I remember talking to a friend when I was about seven months pregnant. He told me I was going to want to quit after I had the baby. In that moment, I knew for certain he was wrong. And then, my baby was born. I had quite a bit of time off with the way my schedule landed, so I didn't go back to work until he was five months old. I was dreading it (a...

I am a recovering perfectionist. Weeellll, I can't honestly say I'm recovered, but I am working on getting there. I did have to do about a bazillion things and get them all perfectly in order before I could sit down and write today. So there's that. I have always chased perfection. Ever since I was little, I have had a longing for everything to be in its place; including my life. My lovies had a particular place on my bed. The knick-knacks and barbies all had a home. When I got married, my husband used to mess with my throw pillows because I had to have them in a certain order. I usually can't sit down until everything is picked up and put away. When something in my life goes wrong, I react illogically and emotionally and typically clean and organize like a mad woman. It's my fantasy for control. Perfection is not attainable this side of Heaven. I was on a walk admiring the scenery around our town lake. Everything grows naturally. There are so many types of pl...

"You are like that illuminating light . Let your light shine everywhere you go, that you may illumine creation , so men and women everywhere may see your good actions, may see creation at its fullest, may see your devotion to Me, and may turn and praise your Father in heaven because of it." Matthew 5:16 (emphasis mine) Knowing my mom would be in town and she loves yoga, my sister asked me if we wanted to attend a hurricane relief fundraiser at a yoga class. We would meet early Saturday morning (yawn) and do some yoga on the grass by the farmer's market. Well, that sounds amazing! Of course I responded with a big old YES looking forward to getting my stretch on all while having some good mother/daughter/sister bonding time. Only this wasn't you're ordinary yoga. This was Holy Yoga. I had heard about holy yoga from friends and have wanted to try it for some time now. I also heard how many people cried sometime during the experience. Grrrrreat. Since I am a HUGE...

Sometimes it's just too hard. This whole mommin', dream chasing, goal making, identity finding life is hard. Things don't just happen. I wish they did. I wish we could be like Aladdin and have our three wishes granted with the rub of a lamp. Or maybe I don't. I'm not sure. What I do know is this whole life thing can feel weighty. The unknown scary. I know the verses. I can speak the Christianese. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30). I will face trials but should remain joyful. (James 1:2) I shouldn't fear for He is with me. (Isaiah 41:10) I got the words. I know the Scripture. But life man, it can be hard. My boys were in and out of the house. Sweaty little faces coming back in for water and snacks rushing back out so they wouldn't miss a thing with their friends in the park. The house was quiet when they'd spill outside. My services not really needed or wanted in that moment. I gave up my life for them. My identity changed...