The Fish Tank

In light of all that is going on, I think it is about time we talk about value. Before we talk about value, we have to talk perspective for I feel our perspective feeds what we value. If we have a human perspective, than this world and all that is in it is the only thing to be valued (YOLO_You Only Live Once, right?!). If you have an eternal perspective, than life beyond Earth and what happens in eternity has just as much value, if not more, than life on earth. We can all agree that trophy hunting is wrong. I think we can also all agree that selling body parts as if they were a pair of shoes is also horrifically wrong. However, what do we value more? In this life, in our humanness, we place value on things. It's just the way it is. We, as individuals and a collective society, have to determine what we value. "By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any

One of our pastor's posted the following quote: "Your job is not to judge. Your job is not to figure out if someone deserves something. Your job is to lift the fallen, to restore the broken, and to heal the hurting." This. This is it right here. We have lost sight of what our role is. We use Scripture as the wrong kind of weapon. Don't tell people how wrong they are. Tell them His truth. Jesus is not a finger pointer. Some hot topic comes out and we immediately throw the religion card. While I do stand firm in my beliefs and know that they are my "weapon" of choice, they are not meant to be flung as stones shattering the person standing before me. "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15 We don't even have to go to the place of judgment. There's no need to give our opinion. All we need to do is fill our hearts and our words wi

I was driving through a neighborhood on a very hot Texas summer night. I began praying for Jack's time at camp. As I looked around at the beautiful brick homes and pristine lawns, I couldn't help but start thanking God. I am still in awe that I get to live where I live and that my son has the opportunity to not only go away to camp and ride bumper cars and go-carts, ride water slides, and play arcade games, but also has a chance to know Jesus better. I thanked God that I get to live freely in my beliefs without persecution. I thanked Him for His provisions, our health, my marriage, the family that loves me, my friends, and then I began to cry. I thanked God for the countless blessings that make up my life but I was completely broken. Life isn't fair. I get to drive a nice car and drink water safely from the tap. I don't have to worry where my next meal comes from or what clothes I am going to wear. My biggest frustrations are when is the construction on our pool going

I remember sitting on the dock talking to my friend about work. I was seven or so months pregnant with my first born working full-time as an elementary school teacher and going to school to get my Masters degree. My friend recently had a baby of his own and was telling me that I would not want to work once my baby arrived. I was adamant that I would work even with kids. I was going to school to further my career for goodness sakes. There was no way I was going to sacrifice my job. I thought I could do it all: marriage, babies, career. And then Jackson was born and absolutely rocked my world. I will never forget going back to work. I cried every single day when I got to work. My fellow working mom friends said it would get easier but it never did. I would rush to see him on my lunch hour and could not wait to pick him up when I got off. Every night when I came home and began preparing us for the next day I knew something had to give. I wanted to give 100% to my son and 100% to my studen

Scott and I stood in the kitchen talking about grown-up stuff. I was cooking dinner and he was explaining his 401k. Man, we've come a long way from the naïve 18 year old girl and 24 year old young man fresh out of the military. It feels like our lives have passed in an instant, yet we have lived so much together. As we were talking about money and finances, I began telling Scott my desire to provide for our family financially again. I have always been independent and taken care of myself financially. I found a way to make money at a young age and paid my way through college, paid for my first apartment, car, and so on. Over the years, I have grown accustomed to Scott being the bread winner but I am getting the itch to help provide in that way again. So, there we stood in the kitchen talking about grown-up stuff when he asked me what I wanted to do. I didn't want to tell him. I've kind of been in this self-discovery phase in my thirties. I had the babies, began raising our

I have some funny signs posted in my eldest son's bathroom. One is in regards to flushing the toilet. The other has to do with hanging towels. The sign about the towels basically says that a towel is a very useful tool unless you forget to hang it up to dry. If you don't hang your towel up after using it, it will remain wet thus being useless the next time you shower. I don't know how I may the connection between wet towels and faith but somehow I did. I began to wonder how useful our faith is. Do we attend church to check it off our list or do we go to grow, to be moved, and challenged? Do we say we believe in Jesus to gain access to Heaven or because we desperately need Him everyday? Is our faith useful or useless? Am I utilizing my faith in everyday moments or only on Sunday mornings? If I am struggling in my marriage, with being a mom, or I am having an emotionally rough day do I dig deep into my faith or go it alone? Does my faith stay wadded up in a stack of notes f

I've always wanted to try-out for the show, Amazing Race, with Scott. I am afraid that if we made it, our segment would consist of Scott talking me off the ledge every time. I don't know what happened to me over the years, but I am afraid. Scott, on the other hand, is not afraid of anything. The man has jumped out of airplanes, been in a war, disarmed land mines, you name it. Nothing ruffles his feathers. I, on the other hand, can go from full of peace to anxiety ridden in a manner of seconds. I remember being at youth camp as a leader right after Scott and I got engaged. I recall bawling my eyes out to our youth pastor's wife because I was afraid they would open the doors to the church and I'd not be able to walk down the aisle. Scott was a new believer and I couldn't believe and accept that God would be so gracious to me to allow me to marry the man of my dreams. I was waiting for the ball to drop; the bad thing to happen. I was afraid of what might be but proba

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:13 I have some friends that like to go at it in Facebook debates. They are polar opposites on most topics; especially hot button issues. There is no convincing of one to come to the other side. At the end of the day, however, there is love and mutual respect between these two. They can stick it to one another yet agree to disagree at the end of the day; even though one may be muttering under his breath, "I am the right one" as they walk away. I love reading their arguments. Sometimes I get pulled in like a good suspenseful movie. I can't look away. I don't ever engage because that's like jumping into an ocean of hungry Great Whites. Scary! I do watch how they argue. I like to hear various perspectives not only to learn both sides, but to learn about people. I love watching and listening to others and

I was a young 24 year old when I got married fresh out of college with larger-than-life dreams. I took my vows gazing into the eyes of the "him whom my soul loves" (Song of Solomon 3:4). I thought I really understood my vows and took them seriously, of course. But, in all my star-gazed love-filled heart, I don't think I really knew what, "in sickness and in health" and "in good times and bad" meant. Scott and I dated for six years before we got married. We saw our fair share of ups and downs, trials, and sickness even surviving a break-up. I thought we were indestructible when we got married. Little did I know then that marriage is a lot more difficult than those newlywed days. Scott hurt his back three weeks ago. What started as a minor twinge led to a visit with the chiropractor, a trip to an urgent care, and two tours of the ER. We have been together a total of nineteen years and I have never seen him in so much pain. He literally could not move o

There's a story floating around our family about me. I was about three years old and decided to collect a bunch of snails. I grew up in Southern California. We always had snails roaming the sidewalks. Apparently I lined the snails in a straight row hoping to lead them in a march. The snails were perfectly arranged in a neat little line. If one snail got out of place, I would have to return him to his proper space. The legend of the snails was a precursor to my life having an obsessive compulsive undertone of order. I like things tidy and straight all in it's pretty little space. When we were first married, Scott loved to torment me by moving the throw pillows around on our bed. He thought it hilarious watching me move the pillows back to their proper resting place. I believe when I get to Heaven, my mansion is going to be extremely orderly and tidy with labels facing forward and pillows resting comfortably with the perfect amount of fluff. The past two to three weeks have bee

I must have been in a state of delirium the other day. I had finished a week of volunteering at VBS along with many other activities and decided to take the boys to a water park. I had a friend take a picture of the boys and I. Typically, I have Jack stand in front of me. He is tall enough now to cover most of my body leaving only my head and shoulders to show in the picture. I like that angle. Well, in my sheer exhaustion, I did not really look at the picture before posting it on social media. When I finally went back to look, I saw that Jack was not, in fact, standing directly in front of me. Gasp. I was exposed in a BATHING SUIT. The weird thing about the picture is that I was not totally horrified when I saw it. I usually balk at myself picking out every single imperfection. Today was strangely different. I am 37 years old. I have had three kids and three miscarriages. I have dieted, exercised, eaten a lot, eaten a little, been stagnant, and busy. I have been up and down on the s