The Fish Tank

I think there is one thing we can all agree on politically: the United States has been nothing short of wonky in the political arena in the last few years. We have fallen off our rocker. Am I right? Don't worry. This is not a political post. However, it may get some a little riled up, but that's okay. What if I told you that our shift away from cultural Christianity is a good thing? I think I just heard everyone gasp in harmony. In all seriousness, what if a shift away from Christianity being the cultural norm is not a bad thing? The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe Hebrews 12:27-28 God tells us that he is going to do a little shaking. He does some shaking in our lives. He is sifting out the unnecessary stuff, the stuff that keeps us from ...

You are worthy. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are destined for greatness. You were made with a purpose and for a plan. You are beautiful. You are highly favored. You. You. You. We like compliments. We enjoy when people tell us how great we are. We check our social media to see how many "likes" our pictures receive. We like to go to church and leave feeling encouraged and good about ourselves, don't we? We are a pretty me-focused society. From toddler-hood on, we are a pretty selfish bunch. We like things to go our way, in our timing, with our plans. Tell us how fantastic we are, and our day is made. When we take a look at the Gospel, at the life of Jesus, we see quite the opposite. No longer is the message me-centered. Instead, it is others-focused. "Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be serve...

Stranger Things is a cultural phenomenon. If you haven't watched it, you have at least heard of the show. An awesome nod to the eighties with some creepy sci-fi thrown into the mix. You watch one episode and suddenly you are hooked wanting to know more about Eleven, Will, Barbara, Demagorgons, and the eerie upside down. Stranger Things consists of the real world and the upside down. The real world is the every day stuff you and I are used to. The upside down is our world, only dark, mysterious, and full of these nasty flower-head creatures. The upside down is unexplainable and hard to believe. If you haven't experienced the upside down, one can deny it even exists. When you finally do experience this other world, however, it leaves a hefty mark on you. You want to get as far away from the upside down as you can trying desperately to get back to normal, but something keeps pulling you back. Jesus lived in the upside down and he's calling you and I to live there, too. Not...

Wings don't grow overnight. Thank goodness. We work so hard to build strong roots in our children. It seems daunting to have to let them go and allow them to spread their wings one day. How do we even do it? How do we let them go when the time has come? I cannot even think about this without welling up. It seems so very hard. It's amazing how easily we get wrapped up in the moment we are living. All I know is being a mama. It's like I was never anything else. I was always mom. I can't remember much of life before these boys entered my life and completely wrecked it in a good way. What else is there, anyway? I like to watch other mamas mom. I am inspired and learn so much when I stand back and observe other moms in action. There is nothing like a mother. Thankfully, I am blessed to have women in my life that are a little ahead of me on this mothering adventure. I have watched them launch kids into the world over the past few years. What I noticed was that those win...

We took the boys to a minor league basketball game. We got into the arena and looked at the map to find our seats. What we couldn't find, however, was that "X' that says, "You are here." Thankfully, we had the where-with-all to find our way and made it to our seats before tip-off. We are constantly looking for our "X." A lot of the time, we don't know where we are going or which way is up. We search and search for the X getting lost along the way. What if we are already there. You are already standing on your X exactly where you are meant to be. Standing firm right where we are, on our X, doesn't mean we lose sight of where we are going. We can still have goals, dreams, wishes, and hopes. Knowing we are right where we are supposed to be right in this moment means we own what we've been given, steward it well, and appreciate this season. There is a part in Elizabeth Gilbert's, Eat, Pray, Love , where her friend talks about how sh...

Peter. Let's talk about this guy. Peter was in the inner circle with Jesus. He hung with the crew that eventually changed the world. A group of misfits bound together by a king; a king that looked nothing like royalty. Can I be honest? Peter was a hot mess. Peter cut a soldier's ear off. (John !8:10) Peter was quick to take out the sword instead of trust the Savior. (Matthew 26:52) Peter denied Christ. (John 18: 15-27) Here's the deal about Peter. His given name was Simon. Andrew, Peter's brother, brought him to Jesus to show him that they had found the Messiah (Savior). He first found his brother Simon and told him, “We have found the Messiah” (which is translated as Christ). Andrew brought him to Jesus, who looked at him and said, “You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas” (which means Peter). The next day Jesus decided to set out for Galilee. Finding Philip, He told him, “Follow Me.”… John 1:41-43 The very first thing Jesus did when he met S...

I was cleaning up our bedroom removing sheets and letting air out of the air mattresses. The boys had a little slumber party in our room. One mattress was at the end of our bed, the other on one side of our bed. I had to walk back and forth to get everything torn down. Every time I walked to the left side of the bed, I tripped over the corner of the rug. Do you have a rug that does that? Is there a corner of a rug in your house that curls up and no matter how many books you stack on it, it never lays flat? Anytime I make our bed, I trip on that stupid rug. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 Before you click that "X" in the top corner, I want you to know that this isn't a post about what horrible sinners we are. This is a post about freedom. How often do we have junk in our lives and instead of attacking it head on, we stuff it down? We keep piling books on top of our issues...

It's finally starting to feel like fall in Texas. We had a few beautiful days in September and October, but our real cold doesn't usually arrive until November. The leaves don't start changing color until then as well. Our neighborhood is full of beautiful trees. When you enter from our north entrance, all you see is tree lined streets. I long to see the fall colors as summer comes to a close and fall slides in. But, I have to wait. We have a red oak out front. I can see it when I pass our front windows and from my son's room. This tree goes from empty and barren to vibrant green to golden brown to a brilliant red. This year, our red oak is taking its sweet time changing from green to red. I am getting impatient. Fall is my favorite. The colors of fall rejuvenate my soul. Let's go, tree. Change it up! But if we hope for what we do not have yet, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:25 Life is like the leaves. We find ourselves in an uncomfortable season and we a...

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit Matthew 28:19 The house is quiet. The kids are off to school and the husband off to work. I am still in my jammies; teeth not brushed. With coffee in hand, I shuttle around the house picking up toys, shoes, and lost socks. I straighten beds that little seven year old hands tried to make. I throw a load of laundry in knowing I will soon get distracted and forget about it having to rewash the clothes before they start to stink. I sit down to write the questions for our Bible study now in a time crunch because I tried to do too much in too little time. Welcome to my life. In Matthew 28, Jesus tells us to go. He desires us to share the Gospel and introduce people to the love and grace we received; the precious gift of salvation. We look out into the world and see these phenomenal Christian communicators and think they've got this disciple-making thing han...

The flags. They are down again. Hanging halfway down on the pole looking sullen. Sometimes I wonder if we should just leave them at half mass. Why even bother raising them back up? Tragedy seems to strike so often these days that we might as well just leave them in the halfway state. I think of the first responders having to walk into that church, that concert venue, that tragedy. Their lives, like the victims laying motionless, forever changed. My nephew is a fire fighter. One of my best friends is married to a fireman. I have numerous friends married to police officers. Their lives, too, are changed immeasurably. Senseless acts of violence try to rob my hope daily. A lack of understanding and unfathomable circumstances twist and turn in my soul. A darkness creeps in and leaves behind a vast heaviness. The whole earth feels like she's gasping for breath; like she's on a ventilator. I walked up the street and saw the flags. Worship music playing in my ear buds, I told God I...

I am learning a lot about myself this year. Maybe it's because I am in my last year of my 30s and about to hit 40 in a few months. Maybe I've finally gained some confidence under my belt. Whatever it is, I am liking this new me. I am currently in Austin, Texas on a trip with my husband. It's a work trip for him and a "Mama-needs-to-get-away" trip for me. I knew there were some things I wanted to do (Hello, massage and pedicure), but didn't have a real plan going into this weekend. I also knew the hotel we were staying at but didn't know the exact location. We pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and I scanned the area. Shake Shack. Yum. Nordstrom. Well, that's a given. There was everything at my finger-tips all in a beautifully manicured and confined space. This is my type of gig. Safe, yet fun. Until... My husband realized while we were at the right hotel, we were at the wrong location. Good feelings gone. All my glorious plans flew ou...

Annie Downs says, "Celebrate your former self. Don't belittle your former self." I'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist. She says this ALL the time and I absolutely love that she does. So often, we are told to hide our pasts. Our pasts haunt and shame us. We are told they are something to completely distance ourselves from and I just don't think that's truth. Let me start with some Scripture... “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands." Isaiah 43:18 When referring to our past in Christian circles, we hold onto Isaiah's words. We are told to forget about the past and what has happened. We are to be alert for what is happening in the present time and what is to come in the future. So, it seems pretty clear that we are supposed to completely let go of o...

I am a rule follower. I believe that if you don't follow the rules, you deserve the consequences. I was the "you cheated" and the "you're out because you didn't follow the rules" kid. I am a justice seeker thru and thru. Because of this, it can be very hard for me when someone doesn't get what they deserve. I can get worked up when people wrong others but aren't held accountable. "You shall have no other gods before me." Exodus 20:3 God just freed the Israelites from the bondage of slavery in Egypt. He was reminding them not to revert back to their old ways now that they were given new life. The Israelites struggled with idols. They had a longing for something physical to worship. These idols continuously tripped them up. We have an idol. Just like the Israelites, we have something that keeps tripping us up. Our idol is causing division among us. It is tearing apart friendships and families. This idol is causing us to lose sight o...

Have you ever gone fishing? I used to fish with my dad when we would go to Lake Arrowhead in California. I remember one time my sister and I were fishing on opposite sides of the dock. We were back-to-back. We both felt a tug on our lines and began to reel in. After fervently reeling and not getting anywhere, we finally realized we hadn't caught a fish. Instead, we caught each other. Our lines were tangled. I have since continued the fishing tradition with my boys. I love sitting on the dock with them, poles in the water. They love to play with the worms but don't especially like stabbing them with a hook, so I usually have to bate their hooks. Most of the time, we are unsuccessful and don't catch a thing. But, when we do, the boys go wild when they see that fish flopping out of the water. Have you ever seen a fish on a hook as it's being pulled from the water? That thing goes crazy flipping and flopping all over the place; gasping for air. The more it moves, the more...

The woman at the well. (John 4) The woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11) Five loaves & Two Fish (John 6:1-14) The faith-filled woman who touched his robe (Luke 8:43-48) The thief on the cross (Luke 23:39-43) The 12 Disciples (The Gospels) What do all the things and people on the list above have in common? Jesus. Besides Jesus? They are all a small part of a larger story. We are always looking for the big: the big following, the big impact, the viral video or post. Our culture craves the stage. We flock to watch performers do their thing in front of thousands. We watch viral videos along with a few million of our friends. Trends are set based on the Instagram post with the most likes. We feel the need to live in the big while Jesus is calling us to live in the small. Jesus operated in the small spaces. He had a mass following, however, his most miraculous moments were with one person or a small thing. Even the wedding where Jesus turned water to wine (his first mir...

"Give me a snowflake and I will believe God for an avalanche." Beth Moore Recently, I was watching Beth Moore preach. She talked about one morning when she woke up in the predawn hours thinking she heard rain. When she pulled back the curtains, she was surprised to see snowflakes. She was very excited about this (probably since she is from Houston) and decided to pray that God would bring more than just a few snowflakes. She prayed he would bring an avalanche. This example prompted two thoughts in me: How am I limiting God in my life? When our faith seems small (like a snowflake), God shows up big (like an avalanche). Too often, I limit my prayers, thus limiting God. I pray for the snowflake when he wants to give me the avalanche. I live in North Texas. If we are lucky, we may get one or two snow storms a year. Some winters we have nothing. While others, we can receive a foot of snow or debilitating ice storm. I am originally from Southern California so snow is exci...

"A surrendered yes to where ever you are leading." Ellie Holcomb Calling. Purpose. Life. These are words we contemplate to give ourselves meaning. We need to matter; have an impact on this planet greater than ourselves. We long to have purpose. But man, that can be tough to figure out. Life is constantly changing. We are continuously adapting. The world never stops spinning. Here's what I have learned about my calling. It has changed and morphed over the years. I have changed and morphed over the years. What I did ten years ago isn't what I am supposed to do today. My calling, my life purpose, should align with my passions. My calling may also make me a little uncomfortable and challenge me. Sometimes, our calling takes a lot of work. It doesn't always come naturally. God will often call us to something without giving us next steps. Our first step is always obedience even obedience. Always. We obey even if next steps are unknown. Take the first step of obedi...

It was 4am. I was exhausted. One would think I would be well-rested given that I was sleeping in a hotel room all by myself. Not so. I had come from the most amazing conference but was on information overload. I needed sleep. But I couldn't. I kept being nudged. Write this down. I'll do it later. Write it down. I'll remember in the morning. No. Seriously. Write this down. I will just repeat it over and over in my head until I fall asleep. That way I won't forget in the morning. Here's the deal, you aren't going to sleep until you WRITE THIS DOWN. UGH. Fine. I rolled over and picked up my phone. Anytime I have an idea that I need to write down I text myself. I turned on my phone. The screen was so bright I could barely focus. I found my texts to myself (Under the name, "Bananas Poop Your Head." Thank you, third child) and I wrote the words, "Glossy prints and toddler scribbles." Finally. I can sleep. I walked into this co...

The kitchen table. This is my space. I love life around the table. It fills my spirit and replenishes my soul. I love the harmony of the conversations that happen here and the food that nourishes. There is nothing better to me than a table full of people. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 The area around the table is sacred. This is where burdens are laid down and shared; a place for rest and refueling. We have all heard the studies that show children are more successful when families spend time around the table. Life is lived here. When I think of Jesus' table I see a bunch of mix-matched chairs. You know the trend today: a farmhouse-style table and chairs that do not match set around it. That's Jesus' table. Nothing matches. Nothing really makes sen...

"Nothing can dim a light that shines from within." Maya Angelou I began blogging ten years ago when we moved to Texas. I began on MySpace logging our story and keeping family and friends in touch with our lives; especially our first born who was 15 months old at the time. The core of my blog was memories and milestones of our first born and our first experiences in a new place. I had a lot of material between being in the throws of transitioning from career-woman to stay-at-home-mom and moving from California to Texas. Content changed the day our lives changed with miscarriage. My blog shifted from my baby's firsts to the tragedy of loss. I found solace in writing; especially writing about the silent trauma of miscarriage. I wrote almost as if I were writing in my diary instead this time, all the world got to read my junk. I found that initially, I was my own audience. I needed to write the words and get them all out purging my emotions onto the page. Then, a funny t...