I cannot lie. Well, I take that back. I have an extremely difficult time lying. If I lie about something, it sticks with me tormenting my soul until I finally break and tell the truth. Most of the time, this is a good quality: being honest. Sometimes, however, the truth isn't always what people want to hear.
The other night I was laying on my son's bed chatting with him before he went to sleep. Somehow we got on the topic of me and his dad's dating relationship. I briefly mentioned the two break-ups we had and my boy wouldn't let them go. He needed details and needed to know why we broke up. Well, this entailed me divulging some pretty hefty stuff that may be hard for a ten year old to wrap his head around. But, being the honest Annie that I am, I couldn't lie. So, out came the truth.
We ended up having an amazing conversation and an even more incredible moment. He asked questions. I answered in the most appropriate way I knew how. I kept things general but didn't sugar coat anything. He asked me a curious question in the midst of our talk. He asked if I ever thought about hiding the information I had shared with him. I think he knew the weight of what I was telling him and he wondered if I ever thought to keep it all a secret. Well, he obviously doesn't know his mama well enough to know that it would eat my alive inside if I tried to hide this part of our story from him so of course I told him that I would never try to cover things up.
We finished our conversation and I kissed him goodnight. He asked to stay up for a few minutes to read. I complied. I went downstairs to make lunches thankful for a little peace and quiet. As I was finishing up their turkey and cheese sandwiches, I heard a bedroom door squeak. It was my son wanting to let me know again that he loved me. We both said our goodnights and off to dreamland he went.
The next morning my boy must have told me he loved me a dozen times. Here and there throughout the morning, he would grant me a sweet, "I love you." He is an affectionate kid but never to this extent. He's a preteen. The I love you's aren't as prosperous.
After he left for school, I savored his sweetness and realized our conversation must have had a larger impact on him than I thought. I became aware that honesty between parent and child matters. Telling our kids the truth builds trust and respect at a high level. And I want that. All of it.
My husband and I have never been ones to skirt the truth with our kids. We have always given them explanations for things even when it may have gone over their heads. Of course our honesty is modified based on their age. We may not give full details until they are older and can handle the information coming their way but we have never shied away from telling the truth.
Our kids need to know our stories: the good, the bad, and the ugly. They don't need gruesome details but they do need to know that we made and make mistakes, too; that we survived and got through bad decisions and challenges.
I gained the respect of my son by telling him the truth. I added a little more trust to our relationship by not shying away from a difficult conversation. We like to talk a lot about how our kids need to respect us but we need to respect them just as much. Honesty goes a long way in building that trust and respect in the parent-child relationship.
I foresee many more uncomfortable conversations in our future especially since he is entering the teen years soon. And he needs to know: he needs to know that mom and dad made mistakes and had to dig themselves out of pits sometimes. I look forward to these talks. I also enjoy the "I love yous" that come after it.
Keep telling the truth. Honesty matters. Especially with our kids.
"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." Proverbs 24:26
Love & Blessings,
Meg
The other night I was laying on my son's bed chatting with him before he went to sleep. Somehow we got on the topic of me and his dad's dating relationship. I briefly mentioned the two break-ups we had and my boy wouldn't let them go. He needed details and needed to know why we broke up. Well, this entailed me divulging some pretty hefty stuff that may be hard for a ten year old to wrap his head around. But, being the honest Annie that I am, I couldn't lie. So, out came the truth.
We ended up having an amazing conversation and an even more incredible moment. He asked questions. I answered in the most appropriate way I knew how. I kept things general but didn't sugar coat anything. He asked me a curious question in the midst of our talk. He asked if I ever thought about hiding the information I had shared with him. I think he knew the weight of what I was telling him and he wondered if I ever thought to keep it all a secret. Well, he obviously doesn't know his mama well enough to know that it would eat my alive inside if I tried to hide this part of our story from him so of course I told him that I would never try to cover things up.
We finished our conversation and I kissed him goodnight. He asked to stay up for a few minutes to read. I complied. I went downstairs to make lunches thankful for a little peace and quiet. As I was finishing up their turkey and cheese sandwiches, I heard a bedroom door squeak. It was my son wanting to let me know again that he loved me. We both said our goodnights and off to dreamland he went.
The next morning my boy must have told me he loved me a dozen times. Here and there throughout the morning, he would grant me a sweet, "I love you." He is an affectionate kid but never to this extent. He's a preteen. The I love you's aren't as prosperous.
After he left for school, I savored his sweetness and realized our conversation must have had a larger impact on him than I thought. I became aware that honesty between parent and child matters. Telling our kids the truth builds trust and respect at a high level. And I want that. All of it.
My husband and I have never been ones to skirt the truth with our kids. We have always given them explanations for things even when it may have gone over their heads. Of course our honesty is modified based on their age. We may not give full details until they are older and can handle the information coming their way but we have never shied away from telling the truth.
Our kids need to know our stories: the good, the bad, and the ugly. They don't need gruesome details but they do need to know that we made and make mistakes, too; that we survived and got through bad decisions and challenges.
I gained the respect of my son by telling him the truth. I added a little more trust to our relationship by not shying away from a difficult conversation. We like to talk a lot about how our kids need to respect us but we need to respect them just as much. Honesty goes a long way in building that trust and respect in the parent-child relationship.
I foresee many more uncomfortable conversations in our future especially since he is entering the teen years soon. And he needs to know: he needs to know that mom and dad made mistakes and had to dig themselves out of pits sometimes. I look forward to these talks. I also enjoy the "I love yous" that come after it.
Keep telling the truth. Honesty matters. Especially with our kids.
"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." Proverbs 24:26
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Comments