The Fish Tank

I am a rule follower. I believe that if you don't follow the rules, you deserve the consequences. I was the "you cheated" and the "you're out because you didn't follow the rules" kid. I am a justice seeker thru and thru. Because of this, it can be very hard for me when someone doesn't get what they deserve. I can get worked up when people wrong others but aren't held accountable. "You shall have no other gods before me." Exodus 20:3 God just freed the Israelites from the bondage of slavery in Egypt. He was reminding them not to revert back to their old ways now that they were given new life. The Israelites struggled with idols. They had a longing for something physical to worship. These idols continuously tripped them up. We have an idol. Just like the Israelites, we have something that keeps tripping us up. Our idol is causing division among us. It is tearing apart friendships and families. This idol is causing us to lose sight o...

Anyone struggle in the parenting realm? I wish I had the hand-raising emoji. I have a feeling we would all be raising our hands. Like any mom, I struggle in all the things motherhood. Just name a day of the week and I can tell you a struggle. We all struggle as moms. Even if we have our mom-game down, we still have our moments. I could write a ten-page blog about all my struggles. But, for the sake of time, I will only chat about one. When I got pregnant with my first-born, I was getting my Masters degree. I thought I would work forever. I had always worked and liked the feeling of contributing to society and financially to our home. I remember talking to a friend when I was about seven months pregnant. He told me I was going to want to quit after I had the baby. In that moment, I knew for certain he was wrong. And then, my baby was born. I had quite a bit of time off with the way my schedule landed, so I didn't go back to work until he was five months old. I was dreading it (a...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10 I follow a lifestyle blogger who touts living her best life. She just turned forty and decided that it is about time she live her best life. She realized that life zooms by at warp speed, so we must hang on tight and enjoy the ride. Why not take pleasure in the life that is before you? I like this mantra. I want to live my best life. But, how do I do that? The other morning, I groggily walked into my husband's office, coffee in hand, and dropped a bomb. I don't think it was even 8am yet, and this, on a Saturday. I asked him how his spiritual life was going. You know, the kind of conversation that needs to happen before one has time to ingest their first cup of coffee. Of course he was in the middle of something, so he asked if we could talk in a bit. I obliged but not without creating my own conversation in my head assuming how this talk would g...

Have you ever gone fishing? I used to fish with my dad when we would go to Lake Arrowhead in California. I remember one time my sister and I were fishing on opposite sides of the dock. We were back-to-back. We both felt a tug on our lines and began to reel in. After fervently reeling and not getting anywhere, we finally realized we hadn't caught a fish. Instead, we caught each other. Our lines were tangled. I have since continued the fishing tradition with my boys. I love sitting on the dock with them, poles in the water. They love to play with the worms but don't especially like stabbing them with a hook, so I usually have to bate their hooks. Most of the time, we are unsuccessful and don't catch a thing. But, when we do, the boys go wild when they see that fish flopping out of the water. Have you ever seen a fish on a hook as it's being pulled from the water? That thing goes crazy flipping and flopping all over the place; gasping for air. The more it moves, the more...

The woman at the well. (John 4) The woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11) Five loaves & Two Fish (John 6:1-14) The faith-filled woman who touched his robe (Luke 8:43-48) The thief on the cross (Luke 23:39-43) The 12 Disciples (The Gospels) What do all the things and people on the list above have in common? Jesus. Besides Jesus? They are all a small part of a larger story. We are always looking for the big: the big following, the big impact, the viral video or post. Our culture craves the stage. We flock to watch performers do their thing in front of thousands. We watch viral videos along with a few million of our friends. Trends are set based on the Instagram post with the most likes. We feel the need to live in the big while Jesus is calling us to live in the small. Jesus operated in the small spaces. He had a mass following, however, his most miraculous moments were with one person or a small thing. Even the wedding where Jesus turned water to wine (his first mir...

"Give me a snowflake and I will believe God for an avalanche." Beth Moore Recently, I was watching Beth Moore preach. She talked about one morning when she woke up in the predawn hours thinking she heard rain. When she pulled back the curtains, she was surprised to see snowflakes. She was very excited about this (probably since she is from Houston) and decided to pray that God would bring more than just a few snowflakes. She prayed he would bring an avalanche. This example prompted two thoughts in me: How am I limiting God in my life? When our faith seems small (like a snowflake), God shows up big (like an avalanche). Too often, I limit my prayers, thus limiting God. I pray for the snowflake when he wants to give me the avalanche. I live in North Texas. If we are lucky, we may get one or two snow storms a year. Some winters we have nothing. While others, we can receive a foot of snow or debilitating ice storm. I am originally from Southern California so snow is exci...

"A surrendered yes to where ever you are leading." Ellie Holcomb Calling. Purpose. Life. These are words we contemplate to give ourselves meaning. We need to matter; have an impact on this planet greater than ourselves. We long to have purpose. But man, that can be tough to figure out. Life is constantly changing. We are continuously adapting. The world never stops spinning. Here's what I have learned about my calling. It has changed and morphed over the years. I have changed and morphed over the years. What I did ten years ago isn't what I am supposed to do today. My calling, my life purpose, should align with my passions. My calling may also make me a little uncomfortable and challenge me. Sometimes, our calling takes a lot of work. It doesn't always come naturally. God will often call us to something without giving us next steps. Our first step is always obedience even obedience. Always. We obey even if next steps are unknown. Take the first step of obedi...

I am a recovering perfectionist. Weeellll, I can't honestly say I'm recovered, but I am working on getting there. I did have to do about a bazillion things and get them all perfectly in order before I could sit down and write today. So there's that. I have always chased perfection. Ever since I was little, I have had a longing for everything to be in its place; including my life. My lovies had a particular place on my bed. The knick-knacks and barbies all had a home. When I got married, my husband used to mess with my throw pillows because I had to have them in a certain order. I usually can't sit down until everything is picked up and put away. When something in my life goes wrong, I react illogically and emotionally and typically clean and organize like a mad woman. It's my fantasy for control. Perfection is not attainable this side of Heaven. I was on a walk admiring the scenery around our town lake. Everything grows naturally. There are so many types of pl...

Some days I wish I could move my family to a home in the middle of nowhere. I would love to live on acres and acres of land with no one around me but the people I love, and, let's be real, the people I can stand to live in the middle of nowhere with. People are hard. I am realizing that I was not meant for a lot of people. I am not their type and they aren't mine. I understand that I am not supposed to agree with everything everyone says or does. My personality was not created to mesh with every other personality on planet earth. But, here's the deal... I get caught up in the conundrum of the church. What am I supposed to do with the people there? What if some of them aren't my jam? What if they don't like me? What do I do with this? Doesn't the Bible tell me that I must love others? I mean, that is the second of the most important commandments Jesus spoke. Love God. Love others. (Luke 10:27). But, how do I love someone I don't like very much? Is i...

It was 4am. I was exhausted. One would think I would be well-rested given that I was sleeping in a hotel room all by myself. Not so. I had come from the most amazing conference but was on information overload. I needed sleep. But I couldn't. I kept being nudged. Write this down. I'll do it later. Write it down. I'll remember in the morning. No. Seriously. Write this down. I will just repeat it over and over in my head until I fall asleep. That way I won't forget in the morning. Here's the deal, you aren't going to sleep until you WRITE THIS DOWN. UGH. Fine. I rolled over and picked up my phone. Anytime I have an idea that I need to write down I text myself. I turned on my phone. The screen was so bright I could barely focus. I found my texts to myself (Under the name, "Bananas Poop Your Head." Thank you, third child) and I wrote the words, "Glossy prints and toddler scribbles." Finally. I can sleep. I walked into this co...

The kitchen table. This is my space. I love life around the table. It fills my spirit and replenishes my soul. I love the harmony of the conversations that happen here and the food that nourishes. There is nothing better to me than a table full of people. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 The area around the table is sacred. This is where burdens are laid down and shared; a place for rest and refueling. We have all heard the studies that show children are more successful when families spend time around the table. Life is lived here. When I think of Jesus' table I see a bunch of mix-matched chairs. You know the trend today: a farmhouse-style table and chairs that do not match set around it. That's Jesus' table. Nothing matches. Nothing really makes sen...

"Nothing can dim a light that shines from within." Maya Angelou I began blogging ten years ago when we moved to Texas. I began on MySpace logging our story and keeping family and friends in touch with our lives; especially our first born who was 15 months old at the time. The core of my blog was memories and milestones of our first born and our first experiences in a new place. I had a lot of material between being in the throws of transitioning from career-woman to stay-at-home-mom and moving from California to Texas. Content changed the day our lives changed with miscarriage. My blog shifted from my baby's firsts to the tragedy of loss. I found solace in writing; especially writing about the silent trauma of miscarriage. I wrote almost as if I were writing in my diary instead this time, all the world got to read my junk. I found that initially, I was my own audience. I needed to write the words and get them all out purging my emotions onto the page. Then, a funny t...