Identity

"Mary sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said. But Martha was busy with all the things that had to be done." Luke 10:39-40 I am a busy-body. I have to be on-the-go constantly and cannot comprehend relaxing or taking a nap. There are things to do; people to see. If I don't complete the tasks now they will pile up into an unmanageable pile of overwhelming chaos. My husband, however, knows exactly how to relax. Sometimes I get mad when I see him napping in all his splendor of peace while other times, I envy him. I am always telling the boys to rest their bodies because rest is good for their souls and helps them grow. Yet, I don't follow my own instructions. Too many demands. Too many texts and emails to respond to, pictures to upload, meals to prepare, laundry to fold. Summer began a week ago in our home and I am completely and utterly in heaven having all the boys home with no real agenda. I felt free that first summer day. It got me to thinking about how busy I make myself. My phone is an extension of my hand and my schedule is jam packed hoping somehow someway I can exhaust these three wriggly energetic boys. In the meantime, I instead exhaust myself to the point of having nothing left. Nothing for my kids. Nothing for my husband. Nothing for me. And, worst of all, nothing for my God. I decided one day last week that I would take away the main culprit of my problem-my phone. I did not turn it on until six that night and it was incredible. I spent time with God fully charged. I looked at "stars" and the "moon" through the roof of the tent in our game room with my three year old. We battled a bear and had a picnic; wore jammies all day. The world could wait. I needed to spend time at the feet of Jesus with my boys, with my husband, and through His word. I was Mary and I LOVED every single second. In Shauna Niequist's book, Bread and Wine, she says, "Either I can be here, fully here, my imperfect, messy, tired but wholly present self, or I can miss it-this moment, this conversation, this time around the table, whatever it is-because I'm trying, and failing, to be perfect, keep the house perfect, make the meal perfect, ensure the gift is perfect. But this season I'm not trying for perfect. I'm just trying to show up, every time, with honesty and attentiveness." I will be wholly present wherever I am. That is my goal. I am not there yet but working towards a place where I may offend people due to my inability to immediately respond to texts, emails, or status updates. People may judge the laundry piled up, crumbs on the floor, and muddy paw prints throughout the family room. But, you know what, I am okay with that. Those things mean I was living in the moment; that one point in time that I will never get back that He has blessed me and charged me with living. Whether I spend it with my precious boys, my gift of a husband, my sister, the best friends a girl could have, it doesn't matter. Spending time well in the moment means I have chosen to sit at the feet of my Savior without distraction fully devoted to what He has put right in front of me. "Then He said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23 Blessings, Megan