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Wrecked

I am living good. The kids are happy and healthy adjusting to school well and doing great in their newfound sport of baseball. Scott has been working from home a ton and I cannot remember the last time he traveled. I am adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom again. I feel like everything is smooth sailing and all is right in our little world and I am right with the Lord. Then, the train of humility came rushing at me and knocked me to my knees in humbleness. God is wrecking me and you know what? I kind of like it.

I had a week filled with things that kept reminding me that I need Him; that He is definitely not through with me. I still have a lot of work to do. I knew and know this but, in the comfort of my life, I forgot it. I got comfortable in my security. I read this week that God does not promise security or comfort yet we continually chase it to no end. We relentlessly search and look for comfort and security in everything but Him.

I sat on the garage floor, worship music blaring, staining away on another project. I was on the verge of tears. I knew He was moving in me; in my thoughts, emotions, my heart, soul, and the pit of my very being. I couldn't, however, put a finger on exactly what was making me feel this way. I just knew He was moving. Scott came out to check on my progress on the project and, being the amazing listener he is, he allowed me to talk things out. A five minute conversation had more meaning to me than he will ever know. After he left, I wept and I prayed. The conversation brought so much clarity and relief. I wasn't relieved because things were resolved. I was relieved because I realized where I stood. I was at the foot of the cross letting Him wreck me.

I love places of total abandonment. I felt that on the cold garage floor that Sunday afternoon. I finally let go and said, "You can have me, Lord. Wreck me. Purge me. Let me be the clay and You the potter." It felt good to let go even though I knew in my heart that a good wrecking doesn't always feel the best. I have learned over the years that being wrecked from the inside out by the Lord is the best thing that can ever happen to someone. This is where the magic happens; where humility is spawned and our need for Him realized. To be so vulnerable is so beautiful.

I now sit in a season of change. Nothing in my life is changing but I am changing. I am growing in my journey of faith learning what it really means to be like Jesus. He is purging some stuff in me that needs to get out. I am pushing back at times but trying myself to humbly and graciously listen to Him and all His promptings. I am open. That, I presume, is the best place to start.

"Stir in me, a fire that the world can not explain
I come to worship you.
stir in me, a passion that my heart can not contain
I come to worship you.

Hold me, break me, mold me and make me more and more like you,
I come to worship you.
to love you, fear you draw ever near you as I worship you,
I come to worship you, oh Lord"

Lyrics by: Sonicflood

Love & Blessings,
Meg

Comments

Anonymous said…
That is beautiful, Megan. Thanks for writing that. In a way, I can relate a little bit. God's still workin' on me too, but I'll say a prayer for you. ~Mandie~

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