I've always wanted to try-out for the show, Amazing Race, with Scott. I am afraid that if we made it, our segment would consist of Scott talking me off the ledge every time. I don't know what happened to me over the years, but I am afraid. Scott, on the other hand, is not afraid of anything. The man has jumped out of airplanes, been in a war, disarmed land mines, you name it. Nothing ruffles his feathers. I, on the other hand, can go from full of peace to anxiety ridden in a manner of seconds.
I remember being at youth camp as a leader right after Scott and I got engaged. I recall bawling my eyes out to our youth pastor's wife because I was afraid they would open the doors to the church and I'd not be able to walk down the aisle. Scott was a new believer and I couldn't believe and accept that God would be so gracious to me to allow me to marry the man of my dreams. I was waiting for the ball to drop; the bad thing to happen. I was afraid of what might be but probably wouldn't. I have countless stories like this. Check in with me every spring and you will see my anxious side. Spring storms in tornado alley and I do not get along.
I had to fly this weekend. I was headed to celebrate one of my absolute dearest friends on her engagement. I could not wait to get there and honor her for she deserves every single moment of this. I also needed the break after a busy season. I was looking forward to floating in a pool and not having to have my eagle eyes on watching for someone to drown. But, as the day of my departure grew closer, I became anxious. I do not like to fly. Something happened to me after 9/11 and all of a sudden flying is not my jam. I get sweaty palms and loathe take-off and landing. Why does it feel like we are in the final descent for 2.5 years?!?! Anyway, I got on the plane because, in reality, I knew I was safe and celebrating my friend was more important to me than allowing my fear to paralyze me.
I pulled out my book, Crash the Chatterbox, to catch up on some reading. Wouldn't you know that the section I began was about fear. I mean, seriously. I began to weep at 30,000 feet as I read. I was convinced that this section was written specifically for me and that it was not by accident that I read about fear while flying above the clouds. My fear is and was completely irrational. But that is the thing about fear: it is not logical. Too many times I have allowed my fear to determine my path. I will avoid situations and opportunities because I am afraid. Fear has killed my faith, my purpose, and my destiny far too often. When I am afraid I forget that He cares even when I doubt. He cares even when I worry. He cares even when I fear. I remember reading an Instagram post by another Christian author. She, too, struggles with flight anxiety and talked about a time she was on her way to a speaking engagement at a Christian conference. There she sat clutching her Bible praying as hard as she knew possible on the plane afraid for her life during some turbulence. The chatter began in her head about how the man sitting next to her must think her an idiot and not a true believer because she was so afraid holding tight to that Bible. But, what she realized in that moment, is that the man sitting next to her saw a woman who clutches to her faith and her Savior during a time of weakness; of fear.
I began to ask myself: what am I feeding? When I am afraid, do I feed the fear or do I feed my faith? Do I hold tightly to my irrational thoughts of gloom and doom allowing fear to take over and paralyze me or do I grasp onto my faith holding tightly what I know to be true? Will I allow God to provide His presence, even when it's a whisper or will I enable the lies of fear to take over?
I am slowly learning that fear has no place in a believer; in me. I ended up marrying my prince charming. I could have run down that aisle to him when they opened the church doors I was so excited. I have story after story in my arsenal about when I was afraid and how God came through. Sometimes He showed at the final hour. Sometimes it seemed He didn't show at all only to learn later why something happened the way it did. Sometimes you have to weep at 30,000 feet to experience an awakening. Fear has no hold on me anymore. This doesn't mean I won't be afraid again. It just means I will push through even though I am afraid.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (personal fave)
Love & Blessings,
Meg
I remember being at youth camp as a leader right after Scott and I got engaged. I recall bawling my eyes out to our youth pastor's wife because I was afraid they would open the doors to the church and I'd not be able to walk down the aisle. Scott was a new believer and I couldn't believe and accept that God would be so gracious to me to allow me to marry the man of my dreams. I was waiting for the ball to drop; the bad thing to happen. I was afraid of what might be but probably wouldn't. I have countless stories like this. Check in with me every spring and you will see my anxious side. Spring storms in tornado alley and I do not get along.
I had to fly this weekend. I was headed to celebrate one of my absolute dearest friends on her engagement. I could not wait to get there and honor her for she deserves every single moment of this. I also needed the break after a busy season. I was looking forward to floating in a pool and not having to have my eagle eyes on watching for someone to drown. But, as the day of my departure grew closer, I became anxious. I do not like to fly. Something happened to me after 9/11 and all of a sudden flying is not my jam. I get sweaty palms and loathe take-off and landing. Why does it feel like we are in the final descent for 2.5 years?!?! Anyway, I got on the plane because, in reality, I knew I was safe and celebrating my friend was more important to me than allowing my fear to paralyze me.
I pulled out my book, Crash the Chatterbox, to catch up on some reading. Wouldn't you know that the section I began was about fear. I mean, seriously. I began to weep at 30,000 feet as I read. I was convinced that this section was written specifically for me and that it was not by accident that I read about fear while flying above the clouds. My fear is and was completely irrational. But that is the thing about fear: it is not logical. Too many times I have allowed my fear to determine my path. I will avoid situations and opportunities because I am afraid. Fear has killed my faith, my purpose, and my destiny far too often. When I am afraid I forget that He cares even when I doubt. He cares even when I worry. He cares even when I fear. I remember reading an Instagram post by another Christian author. She, too, struggles with flight anxiety and talked about a time she was on her way to a speaking engagement at a Christian conference. There she sat clutching her Bible praying as hard as she knew possible on the plane afraid for her life during some turbulence. The chatter began in her head about how the man sitting next to her must think her an idiot and not a true believer because she was so afraid holding tight to that Bible. But, what she realized in that moment, is that the man sitting next to her saw a woman who clutches to her faith and her Savior during a time of weakness; of fear.
I began to ask myself: what am I feeding? When I am afraid, do I feed the fear or do I feed my faith? Do I hold tightly to my irrational thoughts of gloom and doom allowing fear to take over and paralyze me or do I grasp onto my faith holding tightly what I know to be true? Will I allow God to provide His presence, even when it's a whisper or will I enable the lies of fear to take over?
I am slowly learning that fear has no place in a believer; in me. I ended up marrying my prince charming. I could have run down that aisle to him when they opened the church doors I was so excited. I have story after story in my arsenal about when I was afraid and how God came through. Sometimes He showed at the final hour. Sometimes it seemed He didn't show at all only to learn later why something happened the way it did. Sometimes you have to weep at 30,000 feet to experience an awakening. Fear has no hold on me anymore. This doesn't mean I won't be afraid again. It just means I will push through even though I am afraid.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (personal fave)
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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