I was a young 24 year old when I got married fresh out of college with larger-than-life dreams. I took my vows gazing into the eyes of the "him whom my soul loves" (Song of Solomon 3:4). I thought I really understood my vows and took them seriously, of course. But, in all my star-gazed love-filled heart, I don't think I really knew what, "in sickness and in health" and "in good times and bad" meant. Scott and I dated for six years before we got married. We saw our fair share of ups and downs, trials, and sickness even surviving a break-up. I thought we were indestructible when we got married. Little did I know then that marriage is a lot more difficult than those newlywed days.
Scott hurt his back three weeks ago. What started as a minor twinge led to a visit with the chiropractor, a trip to an urgent care, and two tours of the ER. We have been together a total of nineteen years and I have never seen him in so much pain. He literally could not move or sleep. It was horrendous to say the least. I did what I could to help him but there wasn't much I could do. I took over with the kids and household responsibilities. At first, this wasn't so bad. Scott travels from time to time so I am somewhat used to manning the house, per say. However, as time went on and he wasn't getting better, I became bitter.
I wish I could sit here and say that I have been the perfect wife supporting Scott in his "sickness" loving him through the pain trying to make his life easier but I wasn't. I was frustrated because I was seeing no progress in his healing and I was tired. I also missed my best friend. The last trip to the ER also scared me. Scott is my rock; the boys hero. He is not allowed to be the one down for the count.
My last straw came on a Thursday morning. We were both exhausted from lack of sleep; he because of pain and me because of worry. I told him I needed a moment to go off because if I did not get my frustrations out, I would later explode. He laid there and took it. The day progressed and we were both pretty quiet. He was still in pain willing himself better more frustrated than I ever was. I prayed and prayed asking forgiveness and that I could allow my husband some grace. Later we both apologized: me for being a jerk and him for being hurt (which is silly, really).
We, thankfully, haven't had too many moments where we've had to love each other through sickness. Scott is the guy who sleeps for 24 hours and then is good to go when he gets sick. I have had a few issues with pregnancies but they didn't last long. We both don't like being knocked down by illness so we typically fight hard to be down for minimal time. I realized this week that marriage isn't always filled with rose petals and Champaign. Marriage gets hard and complicated. What you do in the times of sickness is what matters.
I text a close friend and told her that life really sucked at the moment but we'd be okay in the end. I decided a long time ago, before I said those fateful vows, that Scott was worth fighting for and I will fight until I have nothing left for him. We love each other enough to allow for moments of jerkiness and pain. We know that in the end we may come out bruised but better for it. I realized that as much as I wanted him to "man-up" and get better, I needed to man-up for him. It was my turn to be the one that carried us through the sickness and, quite frankly, that's an honor and a privilege.
God is always doing such a work on me. He throws me curve balls hitting me where I think I am doing fine knowing that I need molding. I learned to love my husband better through all of this. I learned that while he is the staple of this family, I need to allow him time to be sick and rest; that it's ok when the rock is down. That's the best time to lean into God. Marriage is a privilege; an ability to experience Christ's true love for us in human form. I have learned that while my vows were just words spoken almost thirteen years ago, they matter and are the backbone of my marriage. We will have more good times and bad, sickness and health. We will say things we regret yet give one another grace. We will learn and fumble and make mistakes. But it's all completely worth it because at the end of the day I get to lay my head next to his and call him mine.
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" Psalm 18:22
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Scott hurt his back three weeks ago. What started as a minor twinge led to a visit with the chiropractor, a trip to an urgent care, and two tours of the ER. We have been together a total of nineteen years and I have never seen him in so much pain. He literally could not move or sleep. It was horrendous to say the least. I did what I could to help him but there wasn't much I could do. I took over with the kids and household responsibilities. At first, this wasn't so bad. Scott travels from time to time so I am somewhat used to manning the house, per say. However, as time went on and he wasn't getting better, I became bitter.
I wish I could sit here and say that I have been the perfect wife supporting Scott in his "sickness" loving him through the pain trying to make his life easier but I wasn't. I was frustrated because I was seeing no progress in his healing and I was tired. I also missed my best friend. The last trip to the ER also scared me. Scott is my rock; the boys hero. He is not allowed to be the one down for the count.
My last straw came on a Thursday morning. We were both exhausted from lack of sleep; he because of pain and me because of worry. I told him I needed a moment to go off because if I did not get my frustrations out, I would later explode. He laid there and took it. The day progressed and we were both pretty quiet. He was still in pain willing himself better more frustrated than I ever was. I prayed and prayed asking forgiveness and that I could allow my husband some grace. Later we both apologized: me for being a jerk and him for being hurt (which is silly, really).
We, thankfully, haven't had too many moments where we've had to love each other through sickness. Scott is the guy who sleeps for 24 hours and then is good to go when he gets sick. I have had a few issues with pregnancies but they didn't last long. We both don't like being knocked down by illness so we typically fight hard to be down for minimal time. I realized this week that marriage isn't always filled with rose petals and Champaign. Marriage gets hard and complicated. What you do in the times of sickness is what matters.
I text a close friend and told her that life really sucked at the moment but we'd be okay in the end. I decided a long time ago, before I said those fateful vows, that Scott was worth fighting for and I will fight until I have nothing left for him. We love each other enough to allow for moments of jerkiness and pain. We know that in the end we may come out bruised but better for it. I realized that as much as I wanted him to "man-up" and get better, I needed to man-up for him. It was my turn to be the one that carried us through the sickness and, quite frankly, that's an honor and a privilege.
God is always doing such a work on me. He throws me curve balls hitting me where I think I am doing fine knowing that I need molding. I learned to love my husband better through all of this. I learned that while he is the staple of this family, I need to allow him time to be sick and rest; that it's ok when the rock is down. That's the best time to lean into God. Marriage is a privilege; an ability to experience Christ's true love for us in human form. I have learned that while my vows were just words spoken almost thirteen years ago, they matter and are the backbone of my marriage. We will have more good times and bad, sickness and health. We will say things we regret yet give one another grace. We will learn and fumble and make mistakes. But it's all completely worth it because at the end of the day I get to lay my head next to his and call him mine.
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" Psalm 18:22
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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