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The Night Before

Scott and I stood in the kitchen talking about grown-up stuff. I was cooking dinner and he was explaining his 401k. Man, we've come a long way from the naïve 18 year old girl and 24 year old young man fresh out of the military. It feels like our lives have passed in an instant, yet we have lived so much together. As we were talking about money and finances, I began telling Scott my desire to provide for our family financially again. I have always been independent and taken care of myself financially. I found a way to make money at a young age and paid my way through college, paid for my first apartment, car, and so on. Over the years, I have grown accustomed to Scott being the bread winner but I am getting the itch to help provide in that way again.

So, there we stood in the kitchen talking about grown-up stuff when he asked me what I wanted to do. I didn't want to tell him. I've kind of been in this self-discovery phase in my thirties. I had the babies, began raising our little family, dabbled in teaching again, did a little photography, and am ending my thirties trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I am blessed to have the ability to decide what I want to do instead of being forced into work. I have the freedom to take my time and find the thing I am passionate about not just something I do to get paid.

We had the, "If you could do anything you wanted to, what would it be" conversation. I reluctantly told him my dreams out of my own insecurities of him thinking I am crazy. His reaction was quite the opposite. He stood next to me in our kitchen and told me to go for it. He supported me and encouraged me. He pushed me out of my comfort zone challenging me to move forward in pursuit of my dreams. He gave me courage when I had none. He gave me security when I felt like a fool. He made me feel like I could accomplish anything I chased after. And he gave me a taste of reality asking me to envision what life would look like if my dream did not become life.

The night before our thirteenth anniversary my husband showed me what love looks like. He has loved me so deep and so wide and so perfectly imperfect for the last thirteen years. Tonight was no exception. He fights for me when I cannot. He sees what I can't. He stands firm when all I want to do is crumble. I wish he could get inside my heart and feel what I feel for him. There are no words to describe the love and appreciation I have for this man. Thirteen years ago I walked down the aisle (I could have run) to the man God created just for me. I did not know then that I would love him even more deeply today than ever before.

Our marriage, our relationship, has not always been easy but I think that's what makes it so good. We know we will face challenges but we also know we face them together planted firmly in our faith. Scott is a true testament of sacrificial love. He is the epitome of Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." He is my good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He is the one whom my soul loves (Song of Solomon 3:4).

As I stood in my kitchen listening to the man I love fight for my dreams when I didn't have the confidence to do so, I fell deeply madly in love once again...thirteen years later.

Love & Blessings,
Scott's Wife

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