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The Wait

Before I could drive, I dreamed of owning a Jeep Wrangler. I would walk outside to the driveway on my 16th birthday and there wrapped in a gigantic red bow would be my very own white Jeep Wrangler. That dream did not come true. I ended up driving a 1989 blue Volkswagen Fox. I just dated myself. The car was a hand-me-down from my sister. Unfortunately for me, by the time I got it, Volkswagen was no longer making the Fox thus, they were no longer making parts for it. So, every now and again, I would get stuck along the side of the road because my clutch cable would snap and I wouldn't be able to shift. They replaced the cable with a Jetta part but it never worked properly. I am sure Scott remembers a few desperate phone calls from me in tears. I finally got another car just not my dream car: the blessed Jeep Wrangler. Flash forward 21 years later and what before my wondering eyes appears but a shiny red Jeep Wrangler. My husband had been pining over getting a Jeep for over a year. I kept telling him to pull the trigger but he waited, and waited, and waited some more for the perfect one and the perfect deal. Of course in my restless heart, I wanted that Jeep and I wanted it now. Little did he know he was going to make all my 16-year old dreams come true.

I was driving our pretty little Jeep the other day thinking about how fun it was to finally have the car I dreamed about all those years ago. I probably appreciate it a little more now than I would have back then. I realized that while it took 21 years to fulfill this silly dream, it was fulfilled and there I was doing the Jeep wave to fellow Jeep owners. It seems like yesterday I had that dream and here I am today living it.

Doesn't life go that way sometimes; most of the time. We have a dream for our lives that we would love to see come to fruition but it seems like forever to get there. I have a hard time in the wait. I much prefer the rush. I like to cross things off my list and "get 'er done." No time to wait for this gal. I get all antsy and then I start acting crazy rearranging furniture and redecorating the house much to my husband's demise.

I had a day recently in which I didn't have much to do. I had a few appointments in the morning and then the day was clear. The boys had a day off of school and it was rainy outside. We all kind of loped around. The boredom set in with me and I started questioning everything. Should I be doing Pinterest crafts with the boys? Should I clean? What does Scott need? I needed to be doing something and I needed to fill my time or, in my head, I was worthless and useless. I text a friend to pray for me in my boredom and doubt and talked my "issues" through with Scott. But, I still wasn't at peace. I was restless. I was also doubting my position: Is this really where God wants me?

I let it go and let the day be what is was. The weekend came and went commitments fulfilled. Monday hit with a vengeance and I talked through my doubts with my husband. I questioned my motives, my dreams, and if this is where I am supposed to be. I absolutely love being a mom. I have three amazing boys that I adore. I love my home and doing things for it to keep the ship running smoothly. I am a control freak, so I like to be the captain. These things, however, these jobs are not totally fulfilling me. There's a piece of the puzzle missing and I am fairly certain I know what piece that is but guess what...I absolutely question it. Am I really being called to this area? How long do I wait before I come to my senses and realize that God does not want me there? Am I just being lazy not pursuing teaching again? Ugh. I am enough to drive anyone crazy; especially myself.

I am reassured when I go back to my roots: the Word of God. Over and over again, the people in Scripture are called to wait. Moses and the Israelites wander the desert for 40 years. Abraham and Sarah do not conceive their promised child until they are in they are old in age. Jacob works for 14 years before he is gifted with the love of his life. There are 400 years in between the Old and New Testament in which God is silent. And on and on and on the wait goes.

There is goodness in the wait. I learn so much about myself and my faith when I am stretched to wait. God knows I am impatient and quite frankly, I think He likes to mess with me. He doesn't do it to be mean. He does it because He knows what's good for me. I don't know how long He is going to ask me to wait before my next chapter begins. I do hope it is not forty years. But, if He calls me to wait I will trust Him in it and remember it took 21 years to get my dream car.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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