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Gray Space

Obedience is hard. Even a rule follower like me struggles to obey sometimes. We have a saying in our family, "Obey all the way, right away, and with a good attitude." I heard a friend say it years ago when she was teaching at my boys' preschool and it stuck. I say this phrase often in our home. Being that the boys are 5, 6, and 9, obedience is a big part of our everyday. I have to say, it is much easier being the obedience enforcer than it is to be the one having to obey.

I am learning a lot about obedience. What I have come to realize is that obedience doesn't always feel good. Obedience can mess up your schedule, get you out of your cozy comfortable life, and make you question and doubt yourself. My struggle lies within my obedience to God through my yeses and my no's. When I get asked to do something, there are obvious things that are easy to say no to. Anything that goes against my moral code? No! Anything that threatens my marriage or family and our time together? No! Where I struggle with obedience is where the yes or no fall into the gray space. There is no right or wrong answer. People on either side of that yes or no may be negatively impacted. That's where I despise landing: the gray space.

I don't like to disappoint people. I don't like to let others down. I have a difficult time when someone has a conflict with me. I feel a heavy weightiness that I cannot shake. With that being said, I used to be a people pleaser. I would comply to their "demands" easily and without hesitation to avoid any uncomfortable feelings. While I tried to please all those other people, I began to exhaust myself and take precious time away from my marriage and my boys. I grew big time in this area gaining confidence in myself coming to realize that it is okay to say no to things even if someone may not like it.

I am still growing in the area of saying the right yes or no to God. What if I get asked to do something that has no right or wrong answer regardless of my yes or no? What do I do with that? I don't like gray space. "Just tell me what to do already!" I think God gives us that gray space so that we may take ownership of our faith. Just like we try to train our children to one day leave our homes as successful members of society, God grows us to maturity leading us to be able to make decisions based on what we know about the character of who God is.


"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5

I am learning that when I say yes in the hard and difficult places, He meets me there. When I am obedient to Him, He responds. It's good; a sweet place to be. Sometimes I need a push out of my schedule to become something more than I am right now. Sometimes I need to feel uncomfortable so I can acknowledge the blessing He has given. Sometimes I need to say yes when it's hard, when the easier answer would have been no, so He can grow and change me.

I am still on this journey of trying to figure things out. The race is not a sprint but a marathon. I will question and doubt. I will say no when I should have said yes and vice versa. My prayer is that the closer I draw to Him, the easier the gray space becomes.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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