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For So Long

I didn't grow up in a Christian home. I started going to church in high school with a friend. My faith began to grow over the years. As my faith became my own, I started having visions about what my family would look like one day. I daydreamed about my husband leading us all in carefully crafted devotions. We'd sit together at night listening intently to his wise words and leading. We'd be happy, quiet, and content listening to the leader of our home teach us from the Word. And then reality struck. I married a quiet faith kind of guy and had three boys four and under. My family didn't look quite like my fantasy.

“You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth." Deuteronomy 11:18-20

I had this picture for our family; for my husband. For so long, I though he should lead me and the boys a certain way in our faith. I had a grand scheme concocted in my little head and when it didn't come to fruition, it caused tension. I vividly remember talking to Scott in our office one day. I was expressing my concern for his, what I thought was, lack of leading us. When he explained to me how he lives out his faith, it all became clear. I was forcing Scott into a mold he wasn't created for. His faith didn't look like my made-up reality. The way he led us is the way God intended. It wasn't my story to write.

I watched Scott and the boys play baseball outside our backdoor while I washed dishes and cleaned up dinner. I watched him be patient as he showed our six year old how to move when catching the ball. I watched him encourage our nine year old as he practiced his pitching. I heard him challenge our boys to do better in a loving way because he believed in them. I witnessed my husband lead.

As I watched this moment unfold, I thought about Jesus. I thought about how Jesus taught the faith. He lived with the people. He became a part of their communities walking alongside each of them in the middle of their stories. Sure, there was a time for teaching and preaching. But, it was in those personal moments when Jesus really became real to people. He led the people to the Truth by witnessing through his life. This. This is my husband. His purpose with our boys (and anyone who he comes in contact with) is for others to see Christ through his life and how he lives. He doesn't need to say anything because his example is the testimony.

I watched as Scott loved on our boys through baseball in our backyard and imagined that's exactly what Jesus would have done had he'd been here tonight. While my faith is loud and bold and verbal, Scott's is quiet and visible. Our boys are lucky to experience two different ways to live out faith. They get to see how two very different people walk this road in such differing ways and how they come together united in Christ.

I no longer have daydreams about how I want this man of mine to lead our family. I don't need to. My dreams have already become my reality because my husband is leading us exactly how we were meant to be led.

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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