I have been a mom for the past ten years. Before that, I was a teacher and a wife. Before that, I was a waitress, a college student, and a nanny. Even earlier in my life I was a high school student trying to fit in. I have had many roles throughout my life and while I may not have loved them all, I needed them. I am at another shift in my life. The boys are growing up and our family is changing. That means my role is shifting yet again. I am not a huge fan of change, but its growing on me.
I had a friend say recently that she felt benched when she became a mom. She felt like she had been sidelined to the home. Not that being a mom was not a tough job. She just felt like it prevented her from being a part of the "real world." That world where you feel human, appreciated, and valued. I totally get that. Times a million.
Now that I am older and wiser (insert uncontrollable laughter), I realize that my role and identity is going to change throughout my years here on earth. I may as well get used to it. But I don't want to. I like the comfort of knowing.
I am pretty sure what my next phase will be. I don't have all the details worked out nor do I know exactly what it will look like, but I am fairly certain of where I am headed. Even though I have this certainty, I still play head games with myself convincing myself that this is not the road fo me.
You see, I am your typical A-type of gal. I like all my ducks in a row and everything in its place. I cannot leave my house unless my bed is made. If, for some reason, I do not make my bed during the day, I have to make it at night before I get in. I cannot cook dinner if the kitchen is a mess. I remember studying for finals when I was in college. I wanted so desperately to have messy hair and a disaster of an apartment. I thought that was what college students did during finals week. I even went so far as to throw my books around randomly just to look like I was a messy college kid. And then I cleaned them up and put them in a beautifully stacked pile. I probably alphabetized them. What can I say? I have issues. I daydream about being a messy person. Seriously.
Because I am this crazy organizational freak, I struggle with doing things when there is chaos. Oftentimes, I think something cannot come to fruition because everything isn't in place or resolved. I don't believe God could use me in a certain capacity if I don't have all my ducks in a row. I am benched. I am irrelevant.
In Romans 7: 18-20 Paul writes, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin."
These verses are often preached in regards to the sin in our lives and how it has a hold on us. I heard these verses preached a little differently the other day and man, did that release me from my bondage. Too often we think we should be relieved of all that holds us captive the moment we are saved. We hear testimony after testimony of how God helped a person overcome that which had them bound so tightly. Rarely do we hear the stories of those who while they are saved, still struggle in their sin. We don't like those stories. We don't find victory and hope in those stories. I beg to differ. I love those stories; those Paul stories. I don't love that people are struggling or in bondage. What I do love, is watching people walk their faith journey desperately clinging to God. I love seeing God at work using people with broken lives. I love it because I am one of them.
Paul is preaching this message after his salvation. He knew Jesus. He was rescued by his Savior yet still struggled in his sin yet God, being the awesome God He is, still used Paul in all his brokenness. The cross is victorious over our life no matter what we have done in our past or what may come our way in the future. God wants to use us even when we are still struggling to live right by Him. We just have to be willing.
As I enter this new phase in my life, I feel like it is not coming to fruition because I do not have all my ducks in a row. God can't bless me or use me in this area because I am not qualified. That way of thinking is so very wrong. My salvation does not rest in me succeeding over my weaknesses. Yes, I am healed in Him and yes, I have victory in the cross but I still struggle. I still have a mess to clean up and organize (with His help and in His strength) but that does not bench me from being used by Him.
Our testimonies rest in Him and what He has done in and through our lives whether we overcome something immediately or it takes some time. Jesus isn't needed if all our life is tidy and orderly. I want to always need Him so maybe I need to start getting used to the mess.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
I had a friend say recently that she felt benched when she became a mom. She felt like she had been sidelined to the home. Not that being a mom was not a tough job. She just felt like it prevented her from being a part of the "real world." That world where you feel human, appreciated, and valued. I totally get that. Times a million.
Now that I am older and wiser (insert uncontrollable laughter), I realize that my role and identity is going to change throughout my years here on earth. I may as well get used to it. But I don't want to. I like the comfort of knowing.
I am pretty sure what my next phase will be. I don't have all the details worked out nor do I know exactly what it will look like, but I am fairly certain of where I am headed. Even though I have this certainty, I still play head games with myself convincing myself that this is not the road fo me.
You see, I am your typical A-type of gal. I like all my ducks in a row and everything in its place. I cannot leave my house unless my bed is made. If, for some reason, I do not make my bed during the day, I have to make it at night before I get in. I cannot cook dinner if the kitchen is a mess. I remember studying for finals when I was in college. I wanted so desperately to have messy hair and a disaster of an apartment. I thought that was what college students did during finals week. I even went so far as to throw my books around randomly just to look like I was a messy college kid. And then I cleaned them up and put them in a beautifully stacked pile. I probably alphabetized them. What can I say? I have issues. I daydream about being a messy person. Seriously.
Because I am this crazy organizational freak, I struggle with doing things when there is chaos. Oftentimes, I think something cannot come to fruition because everything isn't in place or resolved. I don't believe God could use me in a certain capacity if I don't have all my ducks in a row. I am benched. I am irrelevant.
In Romans 7: 18-20 Paul writes, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin."
These verses are often preached in regards to the sin in our lives and how it has a hold on us. I heard these verses preached a little differently the other day and man, did that release me from my bondage. Too often we think we should be relieved of all that holds us captive the moment we are saved. We hear testimony after testimony of how God helped a person overcome that which had them bound so tightly. Rarely do we hear the stories of those who while they are saved, still struggle in their sin. We don't like those stories. We don't find victory and hope in those stories. I beg to differ. I love those stories; those Paul stories. I don't love that people are struggling or in bondage. What I do love, is watching people walk their faith journey desperately clinging to God. I love seeing God at work using people with broken lives. I love it because I am one of them.
Paul is preaching this message after his salvation. He knew Jesus. He was rescued by his Savior yet still struggled in his sin yet God, being the awesome God He is, still used Paul in all his brokenness. The cross is victorious over our life no matter what we have done in our past or what may come our way in the future. God wants to use us even when we are still struggling to live right by Him. We just have to be willing.
As I enter this new phase in my life, I feel like it is not coming to fruition because I do not have all my ducks in a row. God can't bless me or use me in this area because I am not qualified. That way of thinking is so very wrong. My salvation does not rest in me succeeding over my weaknesses. Yes, I am healed in Him and yes, I have victory in the cross but I still struggle. I still have a mess to clean up and organize (with His help and in His strength) but that does not bench me from being used by Him.
Our testimonies rest in Him and what He has done in and through our lives whether we overcome something immediately or it takes some time. Jesus isn't needed if all our life is tidy and orderly. I want to always need Him so maybe I need to start getting used to the mess.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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