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Dollar Signs

I sat in my office computer open books strewn about. I was reading and doing prep for our Bible study. I was researching and looking into future studies. I was texting with the beautiful ladies that bring life to my life about future get-togethers. I was reading Scripture and praying. I looked around and realized how good I have it.

I am constantly searching. I say I don't like change, but I am in a constant state of change. I am continuously looking to the next thing: the next DIY project, the next season of our lives, the next thing I need to do. I have a plan all worked out in my head. My plan entails what my life should look like now that all three boys are in school. School-aged kids frees up time for this stay-at-home mama and in my mind that time needs to be occupied. There should be no free-time in my life. I need to do something to earn my keep.

I am a doer. I like to do all the things. This isn't a blog post about how I need to back off of doing those things. This is a journal entry about how I have been searching for what I should be doing in this season and realizing I am doing just that.

I often feel like I need to generate a paycheck to have purpose. Yes, I find purpose in raising our boys on the daily and taking care of our home and loving on my husband but I always feel like I should be doing more. I am pretty sure I know my purpose for this season (we all know our purpose changes like the seasons). I just thought that I needed to bring in the big bills in order to fulfill that purpose. And then I realized that God could care less about the paycheck.

As I looked around my sitting room that I thought I would never have a chance to use with three active needy boys in the house, I saw all the things that fulfill me; that bring purpose and meaning to my life. I saw the books I have read to help me be a better Bible study leader. I saw the video on the screen that refocused my attention to what matters in my life. I saw the book I just finished that led me to a complete reset for my life. I saw words and phrases that bring me hope and challenge me. I saw my calendar filled in with things for our family and meetings with people that bring life to my soul.

I am living out my purpose, His purpose, for my life right now. My paycheck is awaiting me in Heaven but I don't have to wait to get there to reap the benefits and blessings. He has allowed me this time and space to live out my purpose for free. Of course, there is a cost. There are things we sacrifice in order for me to stay home raising these three crazies and living my dream of writing (even if it's just for myself) and helping with our ladies studies. I don't need a paycheck to feel like I've had an impact.

Purpose comes from Him and if I open my eyes wide enough and sit still enough, I will notice that I am doing the very thing He has called me to every single day.

He has plans for me. I don't have to wait for a W2 to live out those plans. I do it every day; every time I choose to sit and write instead of get on social media, I am choosing to live my purpose. When I wake up and choose to read, journal, and pray for our study at church, I am living out my purpose. When I choose to set everything aside and swim with my boys getting my hair wet, I am choosing to live out my purpose.

Purpose does not equal paycheck. It would be nice if that were the case but I don't want my only blessing to come in dollar signs. Life is so much richer, so much more fulfilling, when the blessings come in other forms.

I don't know what God has for me a year from now. I don't even know what He has for me next week. But right now, I am enjoying living out His purpose.

"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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