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Burdens

I began working at a really young age. I started babysitting when I was twelve and continued working in some form or fashion until I turned 29. I thought I would work all my life. And then I had kids.

I was not prepared for what happened when my first child was born. I thought I'd snap back into life and be itching to get back to teaching. I had just finished my masters degree in education and was on my way to expanding my career. I don't think I stopped crying that first day I dropped my son off at daycare. The tears flowed freely. A few weeks into my irrational emotional state, my husband told me we couldn't do this anymore. We began discussing the possibility of me staying home.

After much time, consideration, prayer, and a move half-way across the country, I became a stay-at-home-mom. I loved this new life. I thrived in this new space. I made other mommy friends and did mommy things. I kept the house and got myself involved. All of a sudden, nine years passed and two more boys were added to our brood.

I have gone through a couple identity crisis throughout the years trying to figure out who I am in these new roles of wife and mom. One thing I made sure of, however, is that I earned my keep. All those years of earning and contributing to my life financially led me to put this pressure on myself that I must do in order to earn my living in our home. I carried the weight of all the home/kids things not because my husband expected that, but because I put that burden upon myself.

I was so used to working in a career where your value was measured partially by a paycheck. I felt good about contributing to our life financially. When I stopped working, there was no paycheck. There was no measure for the work I did each day. So, in order to feel valuable, I never sat down. I made sure the house was kept, the laundry done, the beds made, the dishes cleaned, the boys socialized, potty-trained, read to and on and on. No one ever told me I had to do this. No one ever said to me that I was not good enough if I didn't have a clean kitchen when everyone went to bed at night. It was a dialogue I made up in my own head.

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30

God never designed us to burden ourselves. We tend to pile it on so thick that we can hardly stand. God calls us to a load that is light. He doesn't want us to be weighed down because if we are, we lose our capacity to love Him. And if we lose our capacity to love Him, we lose our capacity to love others. Those are the greatest commandments: love God and love others (Mark 12:30-31). When we've lost our ability to love, we have nothing.

I have learned that my value does not lie in how much I do, how much I accomplish, or whether or not I generate a paycheck. My worth comes in Christ and Him alone. Through that, my purpose and life's mission are birthed. If I am living my purpose, which right now means staying home and raising our boys, than I am earning more than I ever could from 9am-5pm.

I lay my burden down for it was never mine to carry. When the laundry isn't put away or I feel I haven't spent enough time with that kiddo, I will lay my burden down and let Him fill me.

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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