The Fish Tank

I used to be a tomboy. I loved to get dirty and climb things. My grandfather would check my legs and knees when he'd see me looking for any new scrapes, bumps, or bruises. Once I got to high school, I kept a little of that tomboy in me but, I discovered boys, make-up, and girly things. I was a theater nerd in high school; eyes on Hollywood. I went to college close to home and majoring first in psychology changing soon after to education. I worked three jobs: a nanny, a waitress, and day care worker. When I graduated college, I entered the teaching credential program and got engaged. I married soon after the credential program officially becoming a "Fish." I also became a kindergarten teacher. A few years into my teaching career, I became a grad student and pregnant. I graduated with my Masters in Education on my due date but didn't officially become a mom until two days later. That's when everything changed. I look back on my life and can see the many identity c...

I said "no" to God. I did. The boys were occupied with their buddies so I had a few extra minutes to do what I do best: pick up the house. As I was putting things away walking from the inside to outside and back in again, I got a little grumpy. Our cold snap came a few days ago. While I wouldn't say it is warm outside (it was around 50 degrees), it definitely felt much warmer than days prior. Today is going to be beautiful. That wasn't my beef. My irritation was tied up in our future forecast for Christmas day: 70 degrees. Blah. I know. I know. Seventy degrees is perfect weather. But, it's not Christmas weather. I was wishing our arctic temps had waited a few days to arrive. I made it back inside and into my bedroom. I began making my bed picking up pillows off the floor from where my boys slept last night. I always let them sleep in my room one night when their daddy is away on business. I opened the windows to get some fresh air and went back to straightenin...

I walked upstairs and started picking up. I walked into the game room and noticed the Little People nativity. This is one of my favorite Christmas items. We have had it since my twelve year old was a toddler. The boys flock to it every year when we get it out of the storage tub. It doesn't matter how old they get. They always play with that nativity set. When I looked at the nativity, I noticed some of the characters had moved. One of the boys (I am assuming it was my youngest) had moved the wise men, the shepherds, and the animals to all face the manger. Each character was looking at Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. Huh. I never thought to make them turn and look. I always had them all facing out. Just look. Seeing the nativity set-up this way got me to thinking about that night so long ago. Everyone stopped to look. Here was this intriguing mystery that grabbed the worlds attention. A baby born in a manger to a teenage girl fulfilling a prophecy spoken many moons ago. It's ea...

A few times in history, we unite in emotion and human will. Events occur single-handedly stopping time. We unite in feelings, thoughts, and an unstoppable motivation to do better and be better for humanity. For my generation, that time is 9/11. For others, it's Kennedy's assassination or the attack on Pearl Harbor. Those in the Middle East are united fighting for the wane of suffering in Aleppo. It's there. For all of us. There is another time in history in which all humanity stopped and gasped. I often wonder what it felt like the night Christ was born. CNN was not there to report on the horrific birth conditions. FOXNews didn't show up to share the good news. It was a quiet night. But, I wonder if the earth shook. Did it stop on its axis? One of my very favorite Christmas songs is, "O Holy Night." One line in that song clenches my attention like no other. "And the soul felt its worth" The Lord appeared and the soul finally felt its worth. D...

"May it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:38 "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished." Luke 1:45 I want to be her. We talk a lot about baby Jesus around this time. We talk about the miracle of Mary being pregnant even though she was a virgin. We focus on her age and the sacrifice she made. We like the manger and the star and the wise men. Rarely do we talk about Mary's unabashed faithfulness. Let's talk about Mary's story. Her she is, a teenager, planning her wedding, going about her business. Then, all of a sudden, an angel appears. Say what?!?! The angel doesn't just sit there and hang out with Mary. Nope. This angel tells Mary the most outrageous tale: she was to become pregnant but not in the conventional sense. God would divinely bring the Savior for all to life through her. Say what...again?!?! You would have to pick me up off the floor if I were her. But not Mary. What's her response?...

"Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides." Rob Lowe "Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:12-14 Last Christmas we unintentionally did far less than previous years. We didn't run from here-there-and-everywhere trying to jam in every Christmas activity possible. I remember when I was packing up our Christmas garb, I felt such a sense of fullness and peace. It was then that I realized less is truly more. I was more fulfilled than any other Christmas season and I had done half of what we normally do. I vowed to continue this trend. I broke my rules and tradition this year. I deviated from my norm of waiting until after Thanksgiving to put up my Christmas dec...

I try to get the craziness of my to-dos done during the day while the boys are at school. If it's a really good day, I have a good ten or fifteen minutes right before the boys come home to sit and relax exhaling before the next round of chaos ensues. Sometimes, however, my days require more time and my list spills over into the afternoon. If I may confess, that means that the boys get on their devices so I can have a few moments of sanity to complete my tasks. I struggle with being present. My mind is usually thinking of a million different things. I wrestle with being still trying to accomplish one more thing. I like to check things off my list and can relax when everything is in its place. I never thought about being present as a ministry. Oftentimes, we think ministry doesn't happen in the everyday. Ministry is those things that we do above and beyond the daily chores: feeding the homeless, donating clothes or food, serving at church, making a meal for someone, etc. We d...

Advent...anyone else feel a little behind on this topic? I have heard of Advent over the years. Pastors preach on the subject during the Christmas season talking about the arrival of a baby who would change everything. But I never felt connected to advent. I kind of felt like I was on the outside forcing myself into the cool crowd of which I did not belong. I have heard two podcasts over the past two days about advent. Both interviewees were authors of some sort of advent study. I listened hungry to learn more. Advent and Lent have both felt foreign to me even though I am a believer. In the beginning, I always equated Lent with Catholics and Ash Wednesday. Advent was just that time between Thanksgiving and Christmas; a time of waiting for the day we remember Jesus' birth. And then I had a dream. Bear with me and my crazy dream. Let me just say that I couldn't fall asleep two nights ago. I started praying for everyone and everything under the sun and asked God to show me H...