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Identity Crisis

I used to be a tomboy. I loved to get dirty and climb things. My grandfather would check my legs and knees when he'd see me looking for any new scrapes, bumps, or bruises. Once I got to high school, I kept a little of that tomboy in me but, I discovered boys, make-up, and girly things. I was a theater nerd in high school; eyes on Hollywood. I went to college close to home and majoring first in psychology changing soon after to education. I worked three jobs: a nanny, a waitress, and day care worker. When I graduated college, I entered the teaching credential program and got engaged. I married soon after the credential program officially becoming a "Fish." I also became a kindergarten teacher. A few years into my teaching career, I became a grad student and pregnant. I graduated with my Masters in Education on my due date but didn't officially become a mom until two days later. That's when everything changed.

I look back on my life and can see the many identity changes I have made throughout the years. As life progresses, who we are changes. We are a baby, a child, an adolescent, college student, single, newlywed, parent, empty-nester, grandparent, elderly. We go through many identities as we journey through our lives.

I was talking with a friend who just became a new mom. While she is loving every second with her precious bundle, she is having to make adjustments in her identity. No longer is her career and marriage her identifier. Now she's got this baby and people are calling her "mom."

One of the most difficult transitions for women to make is going from knowing exactly who she is in her life to this crazy mixed-up thing called motherhood. Where once you found meaning and value in climbing the corporate ladder or in accomplishing tasks only you could do, you now find yourself having a successful day if you get to shower. Everyone else's lives go on, and here you sit on the couch with spit up all over you, a messy bun hiding dirty hair, and a disaster of a house and you wonder why you can't get yourself together.

Then, the kid grows and changes and so does your identity. No longer does your child need you for every last thing. All of a sudden, they can feed themselves and put their shirt on: albeit, it's on backwards. Again, you wonder who you are and where your place falls. You blink and they are off to school and you have six hours of free time each day. Who are you and what are you going to do with all this time on your hands? Once again, you have to reinvent yourself finding value and meaning in new things.

I am on my second year of having all three kids in school full-time. I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. I thought I would work forever. My first boy came and rocked my world. Not only did I quit teaching to stay home, I moved halfway across the country to do so. I am nowhere where I thought I would be, but everywhere I need to be.

I have reinvented myself multiple times. The kids change prompting me to change...again. While I could get frustrated with this or curl into myself, I find this a blessing. Let me say, I am not a change girl. I like stability and predictability. I like to know who I am and would love to park it in that space for a long time. However, my life doesn't play that game. As the boys grow and change, so do their needs of me. This gives me the opportunity to continuously look within examining who I am and if I like what I see. I get the opportunity to never be the same. I kind of dig this.

Motherhood turns your world upside down and then back around again. And just when you think you have a handle on the situation and the laundry is finally folded, a crazy toddler bolts into the room and knocks over that pile of beautifully stacked clothes like Godzilla destroying the Empire State Building.

Every time your building crumbles, look at it as an opportunity to rebuild yourself into something greater. Change may be scary but its not unfortunate. God uses our identity crisis to renew us in His Spirit. It is an opportunity for us to grow nearer to our Savior living more completely in Him. Each identity crisis we face is an opportunity to grow in relationship with God, with others, and with ourselves. To me, that's a win.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Love & Blessings,
Megan

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