Stalker

When I was in middle school, a group of friends and I were stalked by an adult male. He would sit in his car and watch us from afar. I remember the first time we noticed him. There was a group of about five or six of us walking from one of our homes to another. There was a greenbelt in between the street we were on and the next street over. The street across the greenbelt was on a little hill so you could easily see the street. There he was. Sitting in his car. Staring. We ran faster than I think we all believed we could, called our parents, and called the police. He continued to stalk us at various times until the police showed up at our school. I remember being pulled out of class not knowing why and going into the principal's office where a man sat. It was a detective holding a file. He let me know they believe they caught the guy but I had to pick him out from some photographs. I knew exactly who he was. So did the rest of the girls. Thankfully, our story ended well and he was caught. I will never forget that experience. I can still feel what it felt like to run like hell to a safe place to get away from this stalker.

Our lives can mirror this horrible experience. We have things in our lives that stalk us and we try to run like hell away from them.

This week was one of those weeks. Back to the grind after a week of sleeping in, no schedule, and no lunches to be made. Add to that the lovely tradition of Daylight Savings. I thought I'd just go along my marry way into the week because I like springing forward. I look forward to the sun being out longer but this year was different. This week wiped me out. Every day I felt completely worn down. To add fuel to the fire, I had multiple friends that I care deeply about get hit with some life changing unfathomable things. It was like the texts wouldn't stop coming in. My heart broke. Then, this morning, I am called out for something I did not do. This sent my thoughts into a tailspin questioning, doubting, wondering, and searching my heart and soul releasing all the insecurities I like to stuff way down deep. I remember breathing a sigh of relief that today was Friday.

"Thanks goodness." I thought. "The week is over. I can finally breath and start all over again next week leaving this nonsense behind."

But, here's the deal, all that junk, all those ugly feelings, all that anxiety doesn't just go away because a new week is upon me. It's all still there.

I have learned that if I don't deal with the junk, it will stalk me like that man did all those years ago. My fears, my doubts, insecurities, sadness, anxiety will stalk me from afar just close enough to send me into a tailspin. If I don't deal with all the feelings, they will sit and watch and perch waiting for a good chance to pounce. And once they do attack, it isn't pretty. It never looks like what it is. Instead, I become irritable. I snap at those I love. I am impatient, judgmental, exhausted.

I don't like facing the ugly. I'd rather run away from it all and hide. I will turn off all the lights and hide quiet as a mouse. But that doesn't do me any good. All of that junk is still out there lurking.

We all have junk. We all have days, weeks, even years where the hurt seems too hard to face. Yet, once we do pick it out of the line-up and call it for what it is, we are released. Released from the burden of carrying the load of the scary and intimidating.

Don't let the trials of life to hunt you down and stalk you. Call them out. Face the darkness. Call it for what it is. Heal in this space. Release the burden. Start the next week free of the chains that shackle us to the anxieties of this life instead of running from your stalker.

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death And broke their bands apart. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving-kindness, And for His wonders to the sons of men!" Psalm 107:14

Love & Blessings,
Meg