What we believe about our children matters greatly. Our beliefs about who they are and the make-up of their character can have a positive or negative impact on the trajectory of their lives. I have seen and learned this first-hand.
Many moons ago when one of my boys was a toddler and preschooler, I had someone in my life who spoke what I thought were "truths" about my child into my life. I trusted this person immensely. She was an integral part of my life and my child's life. Because of this trust in the friendship, my views of my son were changed, and not for the better.
When this kiddo was about two and a half to four, he was impulsive. Instead of using his words when he was "wronged," he would sometimes react physically. He was exceptionally smart and would sometimes question authority. The words this friend spoke about my child were negative but I believed them to be out of concern at the time. Descriptors like bully, mean, violent, and the like were used to describe my child. And I believed them. These words were spoken to me and behind my back to other mamas whose kids we interacted with. I will never forget reading an article in Parents magazine about bullying. It was quickly becoming the buzz word at the time. I could not shake the fear that my son was becoming a bully. I remember thinking I would be in the principal's office repeatedly for my son's actions the following year when he entered kindergarten. All because I believed the words of one person instead of seeing who my son truly was.
One beautiful afternoon, I sat outside with this child. We blew bubbles and he played in the kiddie pool. It was a perfect moment between mother and son. I watched his inquisitive nature shine when he saw what he called "interesting bugs." I got lots of hugs, kisses, and "I love you mama." I saw my child for who he was instead of being tainted by what another said about him. I saw his intellect and need for explanation when he did something wrong. He wasn't being disrespectful to authority. He just needed to know why. When others wronged him and he acted impulsively, it wasn't because he was a bully. It was because he was a feeler and his little heart was broken when someone wronged him. Because of this, he didn't have the maturity or capacity to verbalize his feelings so he reacted physically. He wasn't this monster this other mom made him out to be. No. He was a child who needed direction, guidance, and love. I felt a freedom to love my child in a way I hadn't felt in a very long time. I realized in that moment that I was no longer going to define my children by the opinions of another. I was going to see them for who God created them to be and nothing less.
I feel like we do this a lot as mothers. We listen to what the world has to say about our kids, what our village says, what our family says, and we lose sight of our own vision of our child. While the people around us do help us with our children and we do need them, they are not the authority on our kids and it's time we start living that way.
I didn't believe in my child because I believed the words of another about him more. That breaks me; shatters my heart into a million pieces. But, it also propels me to see and to love my child for exactly who he is and who God created him to be, flaws and all, more deeply now that I am on the other side.
I had an incredible moment with this child last night before bed. It's one of those moments that will stick with me until I am old and gray. I saw his heart that is bigger than the entire universe. I saw the deep compassion he has for others. I witnessed how intensely this kid loves. It was glorious. It was amazing. It was a blessing I may have missed had I let the opinion of another taint my view of my own kid.
While I wish I never allowed someone else's opinion of my child impact me in such a deep and negative way, I am thankful for it. Now that I am on the other side, I get to see my children in a profound way. Instead of freaking out when they exhibit negative behaviors, I stand firm in their true character that is more deeply rooted than bad decisions. I get to love them through the hard stuff instead of losing my cool terrified they are going to wind up in prison someday.
Your village matters when it comes to parenting but they aren't the authority. Don't let other's opinions of your children shape your view of them. We were specifically and uniquely created to love, guide, and teach these little people. We know them best. It's time we start believing our own intuitions instead of other's judgments. Our children deserve it.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Many moons ago when one of my boys was a toddler and preschooler, I had someone in my life who spoke what I thought were "truths" about my child into my life. I trusted this person immensely. She was an integral part of my life and my child's life. Because of this trust in the friendship, my views of my son were changed, and not for the better.
When this kiddo was about two and a half to four, he was impulsive. Instead of using his words when he was "wronged," he would sometimes react physically. He was exceptionally smart and would sometimes question authority. The words this friend spoke about my child were negative but I believed them to be out of concern at the time. Descriptors like bully, mean, violent, and the like were used to describe my child. And I believed them. These words were spoken to me and behind my back to other mamas whose kids we interacted with. I will never forget reading an article in Parents magazine about bullying. It was quickly becoming the buzz word at the time. I could not shake the fear that my son was becoming a bully. I remember thinking I would be in the principal's office repeatedly for my son's actions the following year when he entered kindergarten. All because I believed the words of one person instead of seeing who my son truly was.
One beautiful afternoon, I sat outside with this child. We blew bubbles and he played in the kiddie pool. It was a perfect moment between mother and son. I watched his inquisitive nature shine when he saw what he called "interesting bugs." I got lots of hugs, kisses, and "I love you mama." I saw my child for who he was instead of being tainted by what another said about him. I saw his intellect and need for explanation when he did something wrong. He wasn't being disrespectful to authority. He just needed to know why. When others wronged him and he acted impulsively, it wasn't because he was a bully. It was because he was a feeler and his little heart was broken when someone wronged him. Because of this, he didn't have the maturity or capacity to verbalize his feelings so he reacted physically. He wasn't this monster this other mom made him out to be. No. He was a child who needed direction, guidance, and love. I felt a freedom to love my child in a way I hadn't felt in a very long time. I realized in that moment that I was no longer going to define my children by the opinions of another. I was going to see them for who God created them to be and nothing less.
I feel like we do this a lot as mothers. We listen to what the world has to say about our kids, what our village says, what our family says, and we lose sight of our own vision of our child. While the people around us do help us with our children and we do need them, they are not the authority on our kids and it's time we start living that way.
I didn't believe in my child because I believed the words of another about him more. That breaks me; shatters my heart into a million pieces. But, it also propels me to see and to love my child for exactly who he is and who God created him to be, flaws and all, more deeply now that I am on the other side.
I had an incredible moment with this child last night before bed. It's one of those moments that will stick with me until I am old and gray. I saw his heart that is bigger than the entire universe. I saw the deep compassion he has for others. I witnessed how intensely this kid loves. It was glorious. It was amazing. It was a blessing I may have missed had I let the opinion of another taint my view of my own kid.
While I wish I never allowed someone else's opinion of my child impact me in such a deep and negative way, I am thankful for it. Now that I am on the other side, I get to see my children in a profound way. Instead of freaking out when they exhibit negative behaviors, I stand firm in their true character that is more deeply rooted than bad decisions. I get to love them through the hard stuff instead of losing my cool terrified they are going to wind up in prison someday.
Your village matters when it comes to parenting but they aren't the authority. Don't let other's opinions of your children shape your view of them. We were specifically and uniquely created to love, guide, and teach these little people. We know them best. It's time we start believing our own intuitions instead of other's judgments. Our children deserve it.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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