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Feed Me

I am following a blogger's 40th birthday extravaganza in Cabo on her instastories. Her mission is to help us make the life we've got a little more beautiful. She is there with her husband and seven other couples. I am going to be forty next year. So, her stories got me to thinking: who would I want in Cabo with me if I went for my birthday?

Honestly, I have a lot of friends. I have many people in my life who I enjoy their company and comment on their Instagram pictures. But, who are the people that know me? Who are the ones that check on me regularly? Listen to me because they truly care? Sacrifice their time for me? Who is my tribe?

I don't know.

I know I have people that would come running no questions asked in a crisis. I am blessed with a tribe of mamas who help me raise my crazy boys. I know I have people who like me. But, who are the people that feed my soul?

I don't know.

I mean, I know who these people are, but, I don't utilize them well.

Let me explain. I am really good at serving others. I don't say that to sound pretentious. It's just who I am and how I am wired. Because of this, I tend to push away help. I feel like a burden and I don't want to put anyone out. My friends aren't doing this and making me feel this way. I do this to myself.

What I am learning in my old age (LOL), is that I need to allow my friends to feed my soul. I need to open the doors to my life, tear down the walls, and let them in; let them serve and love me.

My soul is empty. My friend tank depleted. And this is by no fault of anyone else but me. My friends cannot feed my soul if I don't allow them. If I don't tell them I need someone to serve me, they don't know. I think for far too long I thought this was a selfish act, but it's not. God wired us to need one another. Even Jesus had his tribe.

I was really feeling empty last week. I let my guard down and text two friends about my struggle with friendship. One is on vacation with her family and the other is in an overwhelming season of her own. You know what though? They both showed up for me. They both loved on my and fed my soul. I confessed my lack of letting people into my life and she picked up the phone and called me and has continued to check on me. And you know what? That feels SO good!

I am learning that when I shut my doors and don't allow people to love on me, it leads to insecurity. When I give, give, give in relationship, I walk away empty and unfulfilled. I know that relationships need balance. I have learned the hard way that they are really about give AND take. I need to trust. I need to allow others in. I need to rest in knowing that they are doing for me because they love me not because they feel obligated.

You know what I am finding? It feels good to be loved.

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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