Sometimes it's just too hard.
This whole mommin', dream chasing, goal making, identity finding life is hard.
Things don't just happen. I wish they did. I wish we could be like Aladdin and have our three wishes granted with the rub of a lamp. Or maybe I don't. I'm not sure. What I do know is this whole life thing can feel weighty. The unknown scary.
I know the verses. I can speak the Christianese. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30). I will face trials but should remain joyful. (James 1:2) I shouldn't fear for He is with me. (Isaiah 41:10)
I got the words. I know the Scripture.
But life man, it can be hard.
My boys were in and out of the house. Sweaty little faces coming back in for water and snacks rushing back out so they wouldn't miss a thing with their friends in the park. The house was quiet when they'd spill outside. My services not really needed or wanted in that moment. I gave up my life for them. My identity changed from career woman to mom overnight. I would not change one single thing on this blessed messy journey of motherhood. Not one. But, I found that I have some space to be something beyond mommy and that felt good.
There is so much that comes with letting yourself be someone outside of mom. Wife is easy. That comes with the territory. Wife. Mom. Household CEO. They all fall under the same umbrella. Then this funny thing happens. Time steps in and yanks the floor out from under you and all of a sudden the little babies are no longer tugging on your pant leg every five seconds and following you into the bathroom. Their needs change and the glorious light of freedom shines in. You pull your messy bun self out from under the fog and realize it's time, once again, to reinvent yourself.
While you are living the mommin' life, your crazy train of a brain starts dreaming.
"When the boys get in school I will..."
"I would really love to do ____________ on day."
"I am looking forward to the day I have time to be me again."
And just like that, you find yourself with the time to chase all those dreams that were floating around in that overcrowded brain of yours. No longer can you hide behind your kids and use them as an excuse. Yes, they still have needs. However, you find that you have needs, too, and it's not a bad thing to fulfill them.
There's this song and dance us moms do. We give up our identities to become a mom. We change in all capacities the day we have or adopt that baby. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Then, they get older and we get the opportunity to dust the dirt off and find ourselves again. But, who am I? Who am I outside of mom, wife, homemaker? Am I still an educator because that doesn't feel quite right anymore. Am I supposed to go back to school? Hmmmm...who the heck am I and what am I supposed to be when I grow up? I would like a career day do-over.
Here's what I am learning...
It's okay to not quite know who am I. That's where growth happens; where the seed is planted and nutured.
It's okay to speak your dream into reality making it an attainable goal instead of some wild cloud floating out in the cosmos.
It's okay to speak boldly and with confidence about what you feel you are being called to do. Period. People will talk about you and say negative things but this isn't their life to live. It's yours. You get one hot second to live it so live out boldly.
It's okay to leave the children for five minutes to work on you. They will be fine. They need it. You need it. They need to miss you. You need to miss them. They need to see their mom chasing after something meaningful.
It's okay to talk to yourself with positive self-talk. We (ummm...I) have a tendency to talk down about and to ourselves. We all need to knock that nonsense off.
It's okay to say it's hard. It's okay to feel defeated and scared and like you are unqualified. Just don't live here. Don't pitch a tent and stay the night. Find your champions and let them push you through those moments.
It's okay to journey. Sometimes we are scared of questions and failures so we don't even start. Sometimes, most of the time, the best life is lived in the lessons.
Sometimes it's going to feel too hard. The mom-guilt is going to set in and you're going to feel like they are going to be in therapy one day because of what you are doing. They will. And that's okay. Just kidding. The kids will be fins. Sometimes the weight of the identity seeking dream catching will feel extra heavy. Push through. You don't get stronger by lifting lighter weights. And truly, cast your burdens on Him. He is there. He called you to this. He wants to help carry the load. You just have to let Him.
God sparks some big things in us and oftentimes we are too scared to believe it. We are like Moses and think He's got the wrong guy. Not true. That's a big fat lie. Just because it's heavy, just because it feels like too much, does not mean this isn't for you. It just means it's worth it and we need to keep pressing in.
I've got one life, a whole five minutes on this planet. I need it to count. I need to live it out. I need to chase the heavy and the hard getting to the finish line completely out of breath red-faced knowing that I gave everything I've got. My boys need a mom like that. My husband needs a wife with that much grit. I need me to be that.
Here's to times when it feels too hard. That's where life is found.
"I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:23-24 (emphasis mine)
Love & Blessings,
Meg
This whole mommin', dream chasing, goal making, identity finding life is hard.
Things don't just happen. I wish they did. I wish we could be like Aladdin and have our three wishes granted with the rub of a lamp. Or maybe I don't. I'm not sure. What I do know is this whole life thing can feel weighty. The unknown scary.
I know the verses. I can speak the Christianese. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30). I will face trials but should remain joyful. (James 1:2) I shouldn't fear for He is with me. (Isaiah 41:10)
I got the words. I know the Scripture.
But life man, it can be hard.
My boys were in and out of the house. Sweaty little faces coming back in for water and snacks rushing back out so they wouldn't miss a thing with their friends in the park. The house was quiet when they'd spill outside. My services not really needed or wanted in that moment. I gave up my life for them. My identity changed from career woman to mom overnight. I would not change one single thing on this blessed messy journey of motherhood. Not one. But, I found that I have some space to be something beyond mommy and that felt good.
There is so much that comes with letting yourself be someone outside of mom. Wife is easy. That comes with the territory. Wife. Mom. Household CEO. They all fall under the same umbrella. Then this funny thing happens. Time steps in and yanks the floor out from under you and all of a sudden the little babies are no longer tugging on your pant leg every five seconds and following you into the bathroom. Their needs change and the glorious light of freedom shines in. You pull your messy bun self out from under the fog and realize it's time, once again, to reinvent yourself.
While you are living the mommin' life, your crazy train of a brain starts dreaming.
"When the boys get in school I will..."
"I would really love to do ____________ on day."
"I am looking forward to the day I have time to be me again."
And just like that, you find yourself with the time to chase all those dreams that were floating around in that overcrowded brain of yours. No longer can you hide behind your kids and use them as an excuse. Yes, they still have needs. However, you find that you have needs, too, and it's not a bad thing to fulfill them.
There's this song and dance us moms do. We give up our identities to become a mom. We change in all capacities the day we have or adopt that baby. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Then, they get older and we get the opportunity to dust the dirt off and find ourselves again. But, who am I? Who am I outside of mom, wife, homemaker? Am I still an educator because that doesn't feel quite right anymore. Am I supposed to go back to school? Hmmmm...who the heck am I and what am I supposed to be when I grow up? I would like a career day do-over.
Here's what I am learning...
It's okay to not quite know who am I. That's where growth happens; where the seed is planted and nutured.
It's okay to speak your dream into reality making it an attainable goal instead of some wild cloud floating out in the cosmos.
It's okay to speak boldly and with confidence about what you feel you are being called to do. Period. People will talk about you and say negative things but this isn't their life to live. It's yours. You get one hot second to live it so live out boldly.
It's okay to leave the children for five minutes to work on you. They will be fine. They need it. You need it. They need to miss you. You need to miss them. They need to see their mom chasing after something meaningful.
It's okay to talk to yourself with positive self-talk. We (ummm...I) have a tendency to talk down about and to ourselves. We all need to knock that nonsense off.
It's okay to say it's hard. It's okay to feel defeated and scared and like you are unqualified. Just don't live here. Don't pitch a tent and stay the night. Find your champions and let them push you through those moments.
It's okay to journey. Sometimes we are scared of questions and failures so we don't even start. Sometimes, most of the time, the best life is lived in the lessons.
Sometimes it's going to feel too hard. The mom-guilt is going to set in and you're going to feel like they are going to be in therapy one day because of what you are doing. They will. And that's okay. Just kidding. The kids will be fins. Sometimes the weight of the identity seeking dream catching will feel extra heavy. Push through. You don't get stronger by lifting lighter weights. And truly, cast your burdens on Him. He is there. He called you to this. He wants to help carry the load. You just have to let Him.
God sparks some big things in us and oftentimes we are too scared to believe it. We are like Moses and think He's got the wrong guy. Not true. That's a big fat lie. Just because it's heavy, just because it feels like too much, does not mean this isn't for you. It just means it's worth it and we need to keep pressing in.
I've got one life, a whole five minutes on this planet. I need it to count. I need to live it out. I need to chase the heavy and the hard getting to the finish line completely out of breath red-faced knowing that I gave everything I've got. My boys need a mom like that. My husband needs a wife with that much grit. I need me to be that.
Here's to times when it feels too hard. That's where life is found.
"I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:23-24 (emphasis mine)
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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