Numbered

"Teach us to number our days, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 Let me preface this post by saying that I have ignored the prompting to write this one for far too long. I didn't want to write it because, for so long, I have feared death. I am not afraid of dying or Heaven. I am afraid of leaving my family behind and shattering their everything or losing someone close to me. However, when God wants you to do something He won't let you be until you follow through. So, here I sit; palms a little sweaty. Death is always present. You know it's there and eminent. There is no denying death or escaping it. However, most of us do not think about death on a daily basis. We go about our lives living it up not thinking about the end. Last fall I began a journey where God forced me to face death and I wasn't that happy about the journey to be quite honest. My adventure began with a series at our church that went through the phases of death. Then, at our women's Christmas dinner the amazing Shauna Niequist talked briefly about opening your table for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. A few weeks later, a very dear friend of mine lost her 33 year old sister in a fluke car accident. After that, a coworker of Scott's was found dead in his hotel room. Death. It was all around me. And I was terrified. Instead of finding comfort in our Savior I hid and worried. I ran and was silenced. Scott was traveling a ton during this season and all I did was worry for his safety. I was happiest when we were all together at home. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 NASB I was silenced. Immobile. Paralyzed. I was scared to read God's Word because maybe, just maybe, God would give me one of those prophetic verses preparing me for the tragedy that was to come. Satan had won. He stole from me. Lied. Killed my spirit. Destroyed my spiritual life. I still went to church. Prayed. Read. Talked about spiritual things. However, I was not living my faith to the full. I was not following His desire for me. And, I was most definitely not living life abundantly. Then it happened. Moore, Oklahoma. And, of course, we were set for storms that week. As this Southern California native chicken texted my boss and dear precious friend about my wracked nerves for the impending storm she text me back with, "God has our days numbered. He is in control." As terrifying as that may sound to some, it was SO freeing for me remembering that He has our story written including how many chapters. This made me think about how I live each day. Am I so caught up in the busyness of this world and so arrogant in thinking I have all the time in the world that I waste my days on petty things? Am I worrying my days away? Stressing out and allowing myself to be overwhelmed? I want to live life in abundance living out the story He is writing for me. I want to do the things He is calling me to do and not run from them because maybe, just maybe, something might happen. He gives us life in abundance. I want to stare into the face of each day and live it up listening to the precious belly laughs of my children, watching Wyatt run in his pjs with his cute little toddler legs and feet, cheer on Jack at his games and encourage him in his academics, watch Grady be like gumby all noodly and getting into who knows what, I want to be challenged and loved by my husband in a way fit for a queen. I want to proclaim the name of Christ to as many people as I can in one day and really truly help those I love and haven't accepted Christ know Him and His greatness. I can't do that if I allow myself to be silenced by the enemy. Knowing my days are numbered has freed me from a life of fear. I can now wake up, thank God for another day; another chance to make the moments worth it. "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet. Blessings, Megan