The Fish Tank

I was laying on the office floor chatting with Scott. We were talking about everything from daily stuff to our hopes and dreams. We maybe only talked for twenty minutes or so, but it was so sweet; a nice moment to connect to the man I fell in love with many moons ago. That moment reminded me that even though this world may seem like it's falling apart at the seams sometimes and everything may be in disarray, I am living in the sweet spot right now. I am being molded, changed, and transformed from the inside out. My thirties has been such a journey of discovery, growth, and maturity. God is doing a work in me and it is good. Even though I am being challenged, I am still living in the sweet spot. I look through joy-filled lenses even on the darkest day. I have come to find rest, comfort, and true meaning in Romans 15:13 that says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ...

OH MY GOOD GRAVY y'all! I know, Cali friends, I sound awfully Texan but seriously, the Lord could not have been anymore clear to me today. Have you ever had those moments when you felt overlooked? Have you ever felt like you were pushed aside by someone because a better offer came along? When did you feel like you didn't belong or you looked around the room and everyone seemed to have a friend or was included in a group except you? If I am going to be brave, I need to be honest. I have baggage. I have struggles. I have insecurities. They make me who I am. They challenge me, hold me back, and give me the drive I need to push ahead. I woke-up having the, "my struggles and insecurities are going to challenge me today" kind of a day. I just felt off and unwanted. I felt like the kid who wasn't chosen to be on the team because I wasn't cool enough. I got out of bed and got the boys ready and off to school, all the while, praying asking God to change my thinking...

I am living good. The kids are happy and healthy adjusting to school well and doing great in their newfound sport of baseball. Scott has been working from home a ton and I cannot remember the last time he traveled. I am adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom again. I feel like everything is smooth sailing and all is right in our little world and I am right with the Lord. Then, the train of humility came rushing at me and knocked me to my knees in humbleness. God is wrecking me and you know what? I kind of like it. I had a week filled with things that kept reminding me that I need Him; that He is definitely not through with me. I still have a lot of work to do. I knew and know this but, in the comfort of my life, I forgot it. I got comfortable in my security. I read this week that God does not promise security or comfort yet we continually chase it to no end. We relentlessly search and look for comfort and security in everything but Him. I sat on the garage floor, worship music blari...

I woke up this morning at 6:30am and could not fall back asleep. Jack was the only one awake and he was watching a show so I had some time to stay in my warm cozy bed but God apparently had other plans. My mind started racing and I couldn't get it to quiet down. I am writing this blog to get all my crazy thoughts out so they will leave me alone. I want to state that this is my opinion; my blog a diary of sorts. I am not writing this because I believe religion is bad. I know religion is good for many. I, however, feel like there is an organic nature to God that we in this world have lost. Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 Jesus. He is it; all we need. I am going to be bold and say that, for me, religion is man made. Christianity, in its purest form, is the belief in Christ; accepting the He is truly the way, truth, and life. Christianity is believing that God sent His son to die for our sins...