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I Don't Want to Miss It

"In every transition in our lives, Satan will give us a spirit of fear." Christine Caine

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Jackson was doing his cursive homework at the kitchen counter and I was piddling around cleaning lunch boxes. He got frustrated with the blessed cursive "H." He could not get the loop right and it was driving him mad. I could TOTALLY relate. I, too, struggled with cursive. I remember there was a handwriting competition at my elementary school that I wanted to enter. When I told the teacher who was overseeing the event that I was going to enter she told me I shouldn't; that I would never win because basically, my handwriting was atrocious. Awesome right?!?!? I grew up and became a teacher. I started in kindergarten, no less, where your handwriting needed to be the neatest and easiest to read on the planet for those little guys. So, my atrocious handwriting became neat and pretty and man-oh-man did I want to show that teacher. I told Jack this story so he could see that mommy struggled just like him but I fought back and succeeded.

Overcoming handwriting issues is not going to solve world hunger. But, that story is one of many in my life. Tell me I can't do something and I will prove you wrong; or at least try my very best to prove you wrong. I clearly remember people who told me I couldn't do something and something stirring in my spirit to show them I could. It's in my nature to prove you wrong when you tell me I can't. I'm extraordinarily competitive with myself and will push myself to the edge to get where I need to go; especially when you tell me I can't.

Never in my life have I felt the passion I feel now for what I know God is calling me to live out. I cannot recall any other time in my life when I felt so strongly about what I am supposed to do next. Even when I became a teacher, I didn't feel this way. I was never that little girl who dreamed of being a teacher. I loved kids, seemed to be good with them, and I could teach others so it seemed fitting I become a teacher. Teaching was never a life-long dream or passion. This, this next step is, and it scares me.

My fears and anxieties usually stem from the unknown. I don't know what to expect and I don't like change. However, this next adventure frightens me for a whole other set of reasons. I am scared where this journey is going to take me. Is it going to get bigger than I ever imagined? That would be awesome if it did, but whoa. Scary. What is the cost? My boys and my husband are my life. If they need me, I am there. I serve them with every bit of my being and I absolutely love it. I am blessed to be at their beckon call, but what if this new adventure takes me away from my precious men? And lastly, the one question that haunts me the most: Am I enough?

This weekend we parked in the book of Joshua. I love this book. LOVE IT! I needed these Scriptures. Twelve men went to check out the Promised Land. They were to report back telling the people if the land was real and attainable. These were twelve of the most influential powerful men at the time. They were supposed to be strong and courageous. Yet, ten of the twelve came back reporting the land was plentiful BUT unattainable. They were fearful of the "giants" who inhabited the land. Joshua and Caleb, however, had an entirely different view. They were ready, ready to take the land they were promised. They were not afraid. They knew God was in this and that this land was theirs. Let's go.

The people of this time would rather stay in bondage and slavery instead of taking the risk of moving into the Promised Land. Sometimes it's easier to stay in the unpleasant past because the promised land is too daunting and scary. As strange as it sounds, the ugly season becomes comfortable and sometimes it's scary to move out. We aren't sure if we are going to be safe. We don't know what it will cost us. And, we lack confidence in ourselves and our God.

I, like the ten, lack confidence in myself. The ten felt like grasshoppers in the eyes of giants. I feel like I am this lowly stay-at-home mom being called to a mighty task and there are far, FAR, greater women to fulfill this position. I don't measure up. I don't know enough Scripture, don't have a handle on God and this faith stuff well enough, and don't trust in all things. I am not qualified. There are far greater and better and prettier and funnier and smarter and more faithful women to do this journey but God is not calling them. I need to believe that I am exactly who God created me to be, and if He is calling me to this moment, then He created me for it. My blindness to His creation in me to fulfill what He has called me to do limits my capacity to fulfill His calling. And that my friends, is sin. I cannot limit God. He is limitless.

You see, I don't need to have full confidence in myself, just in God. I don't think Joshua and Caleb thought they could take a fortified city guarded on all sides by huge walls and men on their own. But, they knew they could do it with God. They had real faith. Their faith moved out of their heads and into their lives. They didn't want to miss this opportunity. I don't want to stand back and watch someone else live the life He has for me. This weekend I finally put to heart that it is safe to be faithful to a faithful God (Jen Hatmaker).

Now I ask myself, What could happen if I really truly believed? What would and could God do in my life if I believed Him? I don't want to miss it. I don't want to be like the ten missing the opportunity God has for me in the Promised Land. Bianca Olthoff said, "Results are God's responsibility. Response is ours." So, I won't worry about the results or where this season is going to take me or how it will work out. I will follow God's calling plain and simple. I will respond strong and courageous because I hope in Him.

Ironic how God speaks to you years before He calls you to something. God began preparing Joshua forty years before calling Him into the Promised Land. Three years ago I found a pallet on our property. Our house wasn't built yet and every time we would visit the lot I would see this red pallet in the back corner. One day I asked Scott to grab that pallet. I wanted to do something with it and put it in our new home. Of course he looked at me like I was crazy but what's new. He loaded that pallet in the back of his truck and off we went. I didn't know what I wanted to do with that pallet. I just knew it needed to be in our home. After awhile of letting the pallet sit in our tiny apartment, I decided we needed to paint our family verse on it and hang it in our new home. I told Scott to find three verses for our family and I would do the same. I picked Joshua 1:9 as one of our verses and he chose Psalm 31:24. The two go hand in hand. So, everyday I pass this pallet and read Psalm 31:24 which says, "Be strong and courageous, all you who hope in the Lord." My hope is in Him. My strength is in Him. My courageous is in Him. I will move because He has called. He makes me strong. He makes me courageous. Faith doesn't mean I have tackled fear and attained great courage. It just means I do things even when I'm scared because I trust my journey Guide.

Love & Blessings,
Meg

"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them." Joshua 1: 6

"Be strong and very courageous." Joshua 1:7

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Be strong and courageous, all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24

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