I was tired, worn out, and a little cranky. It was about 11pm; hot and sticky outside. The shuttle was taking forever to pick us up and the kids were getting cranky. Most of the group already left deciding to walk to their cars instead of wait for the shuttle. I had three kids by myself and thought no way they could handle the long jaunt to the car this late. I didn't want to have to carry one kid and give another a piggy back ride because their legs got tired. Time continued to pass and still no shuttle. Finally, I told the two little guys to grab my hands and my oldest to stay close and off we went. It was late and dark and we had to walk through a huge overgrown field and cross train trucks to get to the parking lot. I didn't know if there were chiggers or snakes in that field, but by golly, we were going to cross it with confidence. The four of us were the only walkers left. Everyone had already made it to their cars and headed out. I was determined to get us all safely to our car without tears. And you know what? We did it. I could not believe that we made it to the car without one bug bite or complaint. The boys were champs and we survived. I felt like I had just climbed to the top of Mt. Everest.
Let me back the story up a bit to give you some perspective. About two or so weeks before this, my husband hurt his back to the point of not being able to move. It started mild and rapidly progressed and incapacitated him. He had been to three doctors already none of them determining the true cause of his pain. The 4th of July was rapidly approaching and our town was putting on its fireworks show. I love my small town and our community events. I live for stuff like that. But, I knew Scott wasn't going to be able to go. My sister had text and asked if we were going. She told me she and her kids wanted to join us. "Sweet!" I thought. I could go to one of my favorite events and not have to go it alone. To be honest, I was completely drained from all we had been going through and the thought of taking three active boys where large crowds and darkness was involved by myself intimidated me a little.
We had the best time. The kids love being with their cousins and there is nothing like being with your sister. I felt rejuvenated and experienced a little reprieve from the worrisome state of my husband. Life is tough when the rock of your family is down for the count and not showing any signs of improvement. The firework show ends and it's time to head back to the car. It was late and the car was far away. My sister and her kids, who are older than mine, decided to walk to their car. I stayed behind thinking there was no way my boys would make it. It was late and they were tired. I knew two of the three would want to be carried and I am not an octopus. I didn't have enough arms to hold sleepy babies. We stuck it out in line and I started to feel defeated. Single parents, I have the upmost respect for you. Seriously. I don't know how you do it.
I began looking around seeing all these complete families with moms and dads working as a team to manage squirrely kids. I saw dads with sleeping babes in their arms. I started to long for Scott to be there. I also started to get frustrated and had a little mental pity party for myself because I was alone.
I finally got tired of waiting with what seemed like no end in sight. I grabbed the boys hands and said, "Let's go."
We walked through multiple parking lots that seemed to extend forever. We trudged through an overgrown field with who-knows-what lurking in the bushes. We crossed the train tracks and finally made it to the parking lot. We, of course, we parked on the furthest end so while we knew we were close, the car seemed just that far away. When we finally did make and got inside, I could not believe that we made it. Not only did we accomplish a long walk in the heat late at night, we owned it. The boys were phenonmenal and I felt like I conquered something by myself that I was weary of. I usually look to my husband to lead us in those types of situations and I felt like a rockstar that I did it on my own.
This story seems small and silly and lacking true struggle. But, I see it a little differently. I see a tired and worn out mama who is trying to manage it all while her spouse is down for the count all the while, still trying to create memories and happy experiences for her kids while on the inside, she wants to crumble.
It's so easy in those situations to miss the blessing. It's so easy to shake our fists at God and say, "Why me?" or "I can't do this!" But, it's in those moments that He gives us the sweetest blessings that move us along. He shows up and sometimes we miss it because we let the overwhelming emotions take precedence. That night, I saw how incredibly strong and resilient my kids are. I saw a side of myself that I miss; that strong "I can do antying" attitude I had before I had a help-mate. I laughed with my kids and felt a sense of accomplishment with them. It was small, so very small, the blessing, but it was there. He gave me strength when I felt weak. He also kept all the snakes and creepy critters at bay, which, in my book, is a win.
We had another major event in our family recently. My husband was in a terrible car accident. I could go to the dark places if I wanted to. I could get angry at the other driver. I could be frustrated that we only had one car for a bit. I could be annoyed at the insurance process or upset that we had to get a new car even though the one that was wrecked was only a few months old. I could feel all those feelings and people would say I had every right. But, instead of focusing on the loss and the negatives, I saw the blessings. God showed up in that moment. He blessed us and if I decided to look the other way, to look at all the faults, I wouldn't have seen His hand at work in our lives. From God protecting Scott as the accident occurred to the way the insurance claims played out to the ease of getting a new vehicle, He was there blessing us through the process.
All to often, I don't see it. I don't see the blessing because I am too busy looking the other way. I don't have to go through a difficult time and lose focus and miss seeing His blessing. I do it in the good times, too. I am so busy going about my daily business that I don't see His daily blessings in my life.
I want to see it. I want to see His hand at work orchestrating the masterpiece that is my life. I want to see the exquisitely painted sunsets. I want to hear my boys' laughter. I want to feel a friend's love. I want to see it. In the good times and the bad, I want to see that His blessings are still flowing freely in my life.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Let me back the story up a bit to give you some perspective. About two or so weeks before this, my husband hurt his back to the point of not being able to move. It started mild and rapidly progressed and incapacitated him. He had been to three doctors already none of them determining the true cause of his pain. The 4th of July was rapidly approaching and our town was putting on its fireworks show. I love my small town and our community events. I live for stuff like that. But, I knew Scott wasn't going to be able to go. My sister had text and asked if we were going. She told me she and her kids wanted to join us. "Sweet!" I thought. I could go to one of my favorite events and not have to go it alone. To be honest, I was completely drained from all we had been going through and the thought of taking three active boys where large crowds and darkness was involved by myself intimidated me a little.
We had the best time. The kids love being with their cousins and there is nothing like being with your sister. I felt rejuvenated and experienced a little reprieve from the worrisome state of my husband. Life is tough when the rock of your family is down for the count and not showing any signs of improvement. The firework show ends and it's time to head back to the car. It was late and the car was far away. My sister and her kids, who are older than mine, decided to walk to their car. I stayed behind thinking there was no way my boys would make it. It was late and they were tired. I knew two of the three would want to be carried and I am not an octopus. I didn't have enough arms to hold sleepy babies. We stuck it out in line and I started to feel defeated. Single parents, I have the upmost respect for you. Seriously. I don't know how you do it.
I began looking around seeing all these complete families with moms and dads working as a team to manage squirrely kids. I saw dads with sleeping babes in their arms. I started to long for Scott to be there. I also started to get frustrated and had a little mental pity party for myself because I was alone.
I finally got tired of waiting with what seemed like no end in sight. I grabbed the boys hands and said, "Let's go."
We walked through multiple parking lots that seemed to extend forever. We trudged through an overgrown field with who-knows-what lurking in the bushes. We crossed the train tracks and finally made it to the parking lot. We, of course, we parked on the furthest end so while we knew we were close, the car seemed just that far away. When we finally did make and got inside, I could not believe that we made it. Not only did we accomplish a long walk in the heat late at night, we owned it. The boys were phenonmenal and I felt like I conquered something by myself that I was weary of. I usually look to my husband to lead us in those types of situations and I felt like a rockstar that I did it on my own.
This story seems small and silly and lacking true struggle. But, I see it a little differently. I see a tired and worn out mama who is trying to manage it all while her spouse is down for the count all the while, still trying to create memories and happy experiences for her kids while on the inside, she wants to crumble.
It's so easy in those situations to miss the blessing. It's so easy to shake our fists at God and say, "Why me?" or "I can't do this!" But, it's in those moments that He gives us the sweetest blessings that move us along. He shows up and sometimes we miss it because we let the overwhelming emotions take precedence. That night, I saw how incredibly strong and resilient my kids are. I saw a side of myself that I miss; that strong "I can do antying" attitude I had before I had a help-mate. I laughed with my kids and felt a sense of accomplishment with them. It was small, so very small, the blessing, but it was there. He gave me strength when I felt weak. He also kept all the snakes and creepy critters at bay, which, in my book, is a win.
We had another major event in our family recently. My husband was in a terrible car accident. I could go to the dark places if I wanted to. I could get angry at the other driver. I could be frustrated that we only had one car for a bit. I could be annoyed at the insurance process or upset that we had to get a new car even though the one that was wrecked was only a few months old. I could feel all those feelings and people would say I had every right. But, instead of focusing on the loss and the negatives, I saw the blessings. God showed up in that moment. He blessed us and if I decided to look the other way, to look at all the faults, I wouldn't have seen His hand at work in our lives. From God protecting Scott as the accident occurred to the way the insurance claims played out to the ease of getting a new vehicle, He was there blessing us through the process.
All to often, I don't see it. I don't see the blessing because I am too busy looking the other way. I don't have to go through a difficult time and lose focus and miss seeing His blessing. I do it in the good times, too. I am so busy going about my daily business that I don't see His daily blessings in my life.
I want to see it. I want to see His hand at work orchestrating the masterpiece that is my life. I want to see the exquisitely painted sunsets. I want to hear my boys' laughter. I want to feel a friend's love. I want to see it. In the good times and the bad, I want to see that His blessings are still flowing freely in my life.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
Love & Blessings,
Meg
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