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Long Walks Long Talks

I needed to clear my head and my heart. I usually go to the gym and work it out with heavy weights and lots of sweat. Today, however, I needed a long walk. I forgot how refreshing and life-giving a long walk could be; especially on a beautiful day.

I plugged my headphones in and off I went. I knew I needed to relieve my brain of the overwhelming thoughts that consumed me. As I walked down the path by the lake, I tried to distract myself by watching the crane floating on the water and the cute little turtles sunbathing on the log. I couldn't shake it though; that feeling. It was heavy and weighty.

I can be an anxious person. I didn't use to be this way but slowly, as I have gotten older, anxiety crept in little by little. I feel heavy, deep, and hard. I have always been on the more emotional side of life since as long as I can remember. Sometimes doubts, fears, and worries rear their ugly heads as anxiety in me. I tried to shake it off as I walked to no avail.

Finally, I caved. I started talking to God releasing these bricks that were weighing down my heart. I hate that I keep coming back to him with the same issue. I wonder why I can't just get a hold of myself. And then I realized that I am not the one who is in control.

Oftentimes I hear the question, "If God is so big and so good, why doesn't he heal us or take the pain and suffering away?" I don't have an answer for you because I am not God, but, I can tell you what I think from my perspective.

I desperately want to have full confidence in every situation I am in. I want to stand firm on the Word of God every moment that comes my way. But, I don't. I worry and fret and grow anxious from time-to-time. This doesn't mean I don't believe or that God isn't good. It's just how I am wired. I believe that I battle this and it doesn't just go away because it keeps me leaning into God. My weakness keeps me close to me needing him.

Too often we view our weaknesses as something that needs to be fixed. What if we looked at them as something that leads us closer to God? Walking closely with the Lord is not a weakness. People who admit they need a Savior are strong and courageous.

As much as I want to be fully confident without any worries, fears, or anxieties in every situation, I know that this thorn in my side is what keeps me coming back to Jesus. I stay in a place of need and I like that because that need leads me straight to a loving God who wants to help me and guide me to a better place. I stay humble and focused on the true Healer. The weakness in me is made strong through him. His strength is stronger than any weight I could lift at the gym.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Love & Blessings,

Meg

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