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Animosity

I read the comment and gave an epic eye-roll. How could she be so nice given the status of their relationship? My reaction wasn't pretty.

Animosity:
~a feeling of strong dislike, ill-will, or enmity that tends to display itself in action.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:38-40

I like accountability. I need it in my life and feel it's necessary for all of us. If I am in relationship with you, I expect accountability: you hold me to my actions and I, you. We do this in love, of course. I have learned, however, that its really really hard to be held accountable sometimes. It hurts when people tell us how we've done wrong. It doesn't matter how much they care about us or that we know they are coming to us in love, it still hurts. No one wants their flaws in the spotlight no matter how necessary.

Because I like accountability, I tend to be that person who has hard conversations with those I have relationship with. I desire the same from them to me. However, I have learned that not everyone feels the same. I have had friendships end or fall apart because of hard conversations. It breaks me in two. And when those relationships end, I don't always have the best reaction. Instead of forgiveness and release, I fill my heart and my mind with animosity.

It's not that I want anything bad to happen to these people. Instead, I question how they are treated based on how they have treated me. I want accountability and in my eyes, it never happened. So, I am left hanging onto a really good eye-roll when I see someone praised for something when I know the truth of the pain they have caused me. This is a REALLY bad place to live.

I few years ago, I finally said no more. I don't want to hang onto animosity. I want freedom from the bondage of the prideful thoughts that I know best. I know how they should be held accountable better than God. I want to turn the other cheek instead of longing to shout their wrongs from a megaphone. When they are praised in those moments when I don't think they deserve it, I want to be their biggest cheerleader from the sidelines in my thoughts, actions, and prayers.

You see, hanging onto animosity keeps me in bondage not them. The more I hang onto the hurt and desire for MY justice, the further I move from God. Letting go and forgiving has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with me and my heart. Do I trust God? Then I need to trust that He knows their heart and is working in their life just as much as He is working in mine.

Animosity is ugly. It doesn't look good on me. I have learned to love even when those people walk away. I will let go of the hurt and truly let God. When thoughts of how I think they need to serve their time enter my head, I will pray blessings over their life instead. I will always be willing and open to reconciliation always loving from afar. I will respect their choice to walk away and give them space. I want love to be so big in my life that it drowns out any animosity that tries to form. I want to develop a good rapport with people filling my life with so much love and kindness that all they see is Jesus.

The more I let go of animosity, the more freedom I experience. I like that. Freedom is MUCH lighter than resentment. The more we love, the fuller our lives; the freer our lives. To more love and less bitterness!

Love & Blessings,
Meg
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

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