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Retribution

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Revelation 22:13

I was reading a friend's post on Facebook the other day. She was posting about another person she knew who has cancer. The post was depressing, horribly sad, maddening, and heart-wrenching. I had to shut it down to regroup. I started getting angry and upset and began to go down the rabbit hole of all those "why" questions. Why suffering? Why pain? Why is there such an illness that wreaks havoc on everyone is touches? Why? Why? Why?

Ugh. The most difficult part of all of this is that I cannot answer the why. I don't have an answer. I cannot explain why good people suffer and the bad guys seem to get away with stuff. I cannot make the hurt go away. I am not capable of fixing certain things. So, the whys sit and marinate until they destroy my insides. So, I retreat.

I was talking to a friend the other day. She was going through some tough stuff in a relationship. She's a fixer but cannot fix this problem. As I listened and we chatted, I realized that while the problem is not resolved, that does not mean He is not present. He doesn't stop working even though there seems to be no resolution or healing.

God is the Alpha and Omega. He is the first and last. He is working out eternal things in our lives daily that we cannot see. That illness you or your loved one is suffering through? He is there. The relationship conflict that will not end? He is establishing peace. The addiction or sin you cannot overcome? He already overcame for you.

So often, too often, I don't think God is near or hearing me because the outcome I desire doesn't match what is happening right in front of me. I cannot see resolve. I do not see healing. There are no miracles. Hello? God? Are you there? I am pounding on your door like you tell me to, yet it seems you have locked up and gone home for the night.

We cannot see kingdom things. Well, we can, but in pieces. God is weaving His way in and through our broken lives miraculously every single day. Once I realized that He was working even though the outcome didn't necessarily match the conclusion to the story in my head, I exhaled. When I acknowledge His presence, His love, and His divine care for me no matter the circumstance or outcome, I released the tension. I stopped fighting against how things should play out and began to rest in knowing that there is a grander story being written.

God is ALWAYS working in all of our lives whether we are believers or not. Sin is always working, too. The two battle it out in the cosmos while I make dinner. Thus is life. I can rest in knowing that He has my back even when a friend doesn't acknowledge the hurt they have caused or a loved one isn't healed. God is working every bit as hard in their lives as He is in the prayers that are answered according to my vision.

I like control. I like order. I like knowing what comes next. I really like it when things fall into place exactly like I thought they should. If I feel out of control, you will find me cleaning baseboards and making perfect lines in the carpet with the vacuum. For some reason, if my house is in order, my life feels stable. But, life doesn't always play that way. In actuality, life rarely plays that way. At the end of the day, I can rest in the Alpha and Omega. He writes the preface all the way to the conclusion and everything in between. That doesn't mean we don't have free choice. It just means that when I think everything is out of control, it isn't. Everything is in perfect alignment. That sin is an opportunity for the Gospel; a need for Jesus. That illness moves that beautiful soul closer to her Savior. I promise those that have gone to Heaven don't ever ask to come back to Earth no matter how much she loved her family.

Proverbs 2:9-11 says, "Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you and understanding guard you."

I don't know it all. I cannot answer the "why" questions. All to often, I want people to own up to and be held accountable for their injustices. But, the more wisdom I gain in Christ, the more I understand. The more I understand that life extends beyond my front door or my four corners, the bigger I exhale. Just because something doesn't turn out the way it should doesn't mean He has left my side. If anything, He is holding on tighter than ever.

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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