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Lazy

Uuuuugggghhhh. Have you ever bought a car and then seen the exact same car all over the roads everywhere you go? That's how I feel about my life right now: everywhere I go, I hear the same message. Over and over again the words permeate my soul and my reaction? Oh, my reaction is one of a teenager asked to clean his room. I don't want to. I don't want to be challenged. I'm cozy thank you very much.

I look back on my journey and can easily identify easy seasons of life; those moments when everything seems to flow together and move right along. I can also see those hard moments that hit you deep in the gut and challenge you until you feel as though you cannot take one more step. I'm in a phase of easy right now. I like my mornings drinking my coffee and getting the kids off to school all while still in my pajamas. While the boys still need me, they gain more and more independence each day. I love and live for my morning workouts. I like the freedom to decide if I should do a load of laundry or catch up with a girlfriend. I enjoy that I have time: time for rest, time for work, time for play, time with my boys and husband, time to write. I don't want anything stepping in messing with my groove. I'm riding on the easy train enjoying the ride.

Scott and I went on a date Saturday night. We always seem to have so much to talk about even after all these years. Before we went out, I helped out at church and on my drive home a thought popped into my head: what if I go back to school? This thought wasn't really a thought but a this-is-going-to-happen-so-you-may-as-well-accept-it epiphany. I tried to tuck it away but knew I needed to talk it out with Scott on our date. He encouraged and supported me as he always does. He's my best cheerleader. I, being the emotional being I am, still doubted this little nugget that nudged me on my drive home. I have every excuse NOT to follow this new opportunity. I already did my time with school. I got my undergrad degree, moved onto to get a teaching credential, and then my masters. I am crazy to want to go back to school. I also have three busy boys and I truly enjoy being home with them. My husband travels occasionally so that throws a loop into the plan. I could go on, but I will stop.

God knew I was going to throw a million excuses to not follow this prompting. You see, I want to go to seminary. I want a masters in theology. Always have. I remember telling my dad in my early 20s that I wanted to pursue a masters in theology because I wanted a deeper understanding of my faith. A few weeks ago, my stepmom said to me, "You know what you should do? You should go to seminary." Well, ok. At church this weekend, our pastor taught on David and Goliath. We all think about the Goliath's in our lives: those things we have to overcome. Our pastor turned the story around a bit and asked us what would have happened if David missed? What would happen in my life if I missed this opportunity because of fear of failure or laziness because I like my easy simple life? Would I miss other opportunities and blessings down the road because I decided to miss this opportunity before me? I am sure I would.

The moment I opened my devotion this morning I knew it was for me. The title was, "What are you willing to give up?" Blah. I wanted to shut the book and turn on the Today Show finishing my coffee. But, I continued reading and I'm glad I did. In Savor, Shauna Niequist discusses a conversation she had with a friend about how she finds balance with the many balls she's trying to keep in the air. Her friend, Denise, said "It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about." I have a passion to know my faith on a deeper level. I have a passion for people to know the love of my Savior in a way they never thought possible. I have a passion for learning and school and always have. I have felt this prompting in my spirit for awhile. The specifics just surfaced and they kind of frighten me because I know, I just know, it's going to take sacrifice. But, as they say, nothing worthwhile comes without a little bit of sacrifice.

My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11-14. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord..." I know I have found Him in this place. This is what I have been praying for; longing to happen. I feel a season coming to an end and a new one beginning. Sacrifices will be made replaced with incredible blessings that I would have missed if my stone didn't hit my giant.

Love & Blessings,
Meg

Comments

Anonymous said…
So happy and proud of you...that is a huge step...love that you are brave and obedient. My daughter gave me this nugget of wisdom to share with our challenge groups this week and it so fits:
Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best. (and I would add and pointed others to God) Theodore Isaac Rubin :-). Great post & what a great undertaking! Consider me a smooth stone gatherer...so that you can hit that giant. Angela J.

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