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Search Me

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139:23-24

David had quite the relationship with God. Despite numerous faults and sin, he was still touted as the one who was after God's own heart. No matter the fall David took, he always came back to God. He wasn't afraid to voice his feelings, opinions, and concerns to God. Read the Psalms and you will find pages of a man's bleeding heart. As much as I don't like Psalm 139:23-24, I need it. If I don't pray these verses boldly, I may miss out on knowing God's heart for me.

I need to park it right here for a good long time; for forever really. I need God to search me daily for I am full of sin. I am a redeemed sinner, but that does not mean I do not falter. I struggle daily with various sins. I have been a liar, gossip, hypocrite, quick to anger, judgmental, and on and on. I am human. Thus, I am flawed. BUT, I don't need to stay that way.

I have a Savior full of grace who wants to lavish his love upon me. The only thing stopping him is me. If I don't allow the Lord to test me and search my heart for the impure things that are within that I cannot or choose not to see, than I cannot fully gain the love and grace of my Father. He's there. His love is there. So is his grace. I only need to let him in.

It's hard. It sucks. There's no nice way to put it. Looking at the reflection, being real and honest with myself and who I really am before God is one of the most difficult things I do. But, it's a necessity. What I need to realize is that God is not making this task hard. I am. His arms are open wide willing to forgive me and help me make the necessary changes in my life. What I gain in return is FAR greater than anything I have to give up or any bruises I may acquire along the way.

I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I want to know, feel, and experience, the love and grace of my Father to the fullest. In order to do that, I have to surrender my heart to him and let him wipe it clean. That may hurt. It will sting. I will probably cry. But in the end, my reward is magnificent. I get to experience the fullness of Christ and for that, I am open.

Search my heart reveal the sin within, Lord. Open my mind to see the log in my own eye before seeing the speck in another's. Purge me of any unrighteousness that is within me. Don't allow me to tense up and deny the truth when it gets too hard. Push me past the place of ugly to your sanctuary of beauty. Search me. Know me. Change me.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

"And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." Isaiah 64:8

Love & Blessings,
Meg

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