The Fish Tank

I was getting ready in our bathroom and Scott was shaving his head next to me. It's summertime. The Fish boys shave their heads in the summer. It's free and it's hot. He looked up at one point and asked what I thought of his new haircut. He had shaved a fohawk. We laughed and talked about how a hair cut like that would be received in his workplace. My husband primarily works for government contracts where dress pants and button-up shirts are required. Suit and tie makes an appearance when he visits the east coast. He likes when he gets to work from home because the attire is a little less daunting. One can only hope the uniform of athletic shorts and t-shirts will one day make it out of the home office and into the work world. As we were laughing about his stylish do, we began talking about workplace stereotypes. If he heads to one office, he has to dress one way. When he heads to work on another contract, he busts out the sport coat. Funny how you are deemed less profe...

I sat in my office computer open books strewn about. I was reading and doing prep for our Bible study. I was researching and looking into future studies. I was texting with the beautiful ladies that bring life to my life about future get-togethers. I was reading Scripture and praying. I looked around and realized how good I have it. I am constantly searching. I say I don't like change, but I am in a constant state of change. I am continuously looking to the next thing: the next DIY project, the next season of our lives, the next thing I need to do. I have a plan all worked out in my head. My plan entails what my life should look like now that all three boys are in school. School-aged kids frees up time for this stay-at-home mama and in my mind that time needs to be occupied. There should be no free-time in my life. I need to do something to earn my keep. I am a doer. I like to do all the things. This isn't a blog post about how I need to back off of doing those things. This...

I have had this title written on an index card on my desk for a month or so. The title came to me when I was driving thinking about my spiritual walk; how I can attend church and do all the things but still not be doing very well. In my mind, I thought this post would be about how we work on ourselves spiritually. And then life happened. How you doin'? If you were around in the 90's to early 2000's, you read that in your head in your perfect Joey voice from Friends. But really, how are you doing? This summer has a heaviness about it, doesn't it? We all went into these warmer months with the idea of late night swims in the pool, lazy jammie days, and lots of grilled yumminess. And then life happened. A heaviness not only fell on our country, but on our world. My husband and I talked a lot about what is was going to take to get us to stop the madness; what needed to happen in order for the senseless pain to stop. He kept saying we may need one catastrophic event to ro...

It happened again. Tragedy. And I had laundry to fold. Lives lost and here I sat feeling helpless. There has got to be something I can do; something meaningful to make this world better, more tender, more loving. But what? I have laundry to fold. I live an ordinary life. I take care of the boys, cart kids from here to there, make meals, wipe faces, wash dishes, fold laundry. I volunteer and serve feeling a little more fulfilled and like I am contributing some sort of good to my community. Sometimes, though, I don't feel like it is enough. There has got to be something bigger. I realized in this moment that it takes a lot of small things to have a great impact. All the big stuff we see happening, those causes for good that are trying so desperately to bring love and peace to chaos and pain, started with something small. Everything has a starting place. If I stop and look around me, my starting place, my opportunity to try and make this world a little softer, is right in front ...

Of course challenges arise when you try to make things better; when you activate and accept good change in your life. My husband and I often joke about how we tend to get sick or injured when getting back into our gym routine after being absent for a while. It's inevitable. Life's challenges smack you square in the face the moment you decide you are going to make things right: especially right with God. I woke up this morning ready to conquer my summer of reset lifestyle. I got my coffee, sat down on my couch, journaled, and read my Proverbs for the day. I even decided to do a little writing. My eldest son came in the room in the midst of my quiet requesting pancakes for breakfast. I knew I was on a somewhat tight schedule but didn't want to miss an opportunity with him in the kitchen (he always helps me when we make pancakes) so I obliged. In doing so, I left little room for other things that needed to be done like make the bed, wash and dry my hair, and clean up our bre...

I woke up early determined to start my day right. I had a list of things to do before heading out the door at 9am. First-things-first: coffee. After I grabbed my coffee and fed the dog, I wanted to read and journal. Instead, I saw all the things I needed to accomplish. Last night's dishes needed to be put away. The laundry rewashed since we left it in the washer overnight. Coffee restocked. Iced tea refilled and set in the sun. I can go on but I stopped myself. I was wasting time doing menial tasks that absolutely did not need tending to right that very minute. I have deemed this the summer of reset for myself. I was talking to my mom the other day about how we both tend to drive ourselves into the ground. We go and do until we have nothing left leaving ourselves depleted for our marriages and families or sick. I don't like that about myself so I decided this summer I would reset my life enabling good change to seep in. I am a professional to-do list writer. I used to poke ...

I am good when it comes to diet and exercise. Well, for the most part. I eat clean about 80% of the time and exercise five days a week. I feel good most of the time and don't get sick often. I attribute my health to my diet and exercise. Because of this, I tend to ignore other areas in my life. Being sick for a week was not my favorite. I usually bounce back by day three and the most when I am sick. I have a difficult time with rest. I know I need it. I just struggle to do it. This week taught me that I needed to reset. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 I am currently reading a book entitled, Loving My Actual Life: An Experiment in Relishing What's Right in Front of Me , by Alexandra Kuykendall. In the book, she poses the following question: What is motivating you to make a change to love your actual life? While I can't say I don't enjoy my actual life, I can say that I do not enjoy my life in its e...

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:19 What do I do? Too much. And what is the result? Exhaustion. I went to kids camp with our church a week ago. I had the best time hanging with these kids watching them gain their independence away from mom and dad and grow in their faith. There is nothing like the sight of children raising their hands praising the Lord in worship. I also got to spend time with some incredible people. Time I wouldn't have gotten in our everyday lives. I enjoyed every second. We woke up early and excited each day eagerly anticipating the day before us. We jumped from meals, to chapel, to activities, to more meals, and chapel again. We spent most of our days outside in the steaming Oklahoma sun. Once the kids were in bed, the grown-ups met up to play a mean game of Spoons. And by "mean game" I mean, you ...

Feeling vulnerable, illogical, and a little crazy, I went up to him and asked for prayer and a listening ear. He's my safe place; that place I can go and get all the crazy out and feel like I am going to be okay. He's been by my side for what seems like forever and yet, I still question whether I should let it all hang out worried that I may scare him away. I never do though. He is always there; steady. My husband believes in me and that's a good feeling. He believes in me even when I don't believe in myself. He let's me go and be and do the things I was created for even if that brings him more work or sacrifice to his life. He dreams bigger dreams for me because he believes I can. He pushes me without me even knowing it. He believes in me so I can believe in myself. "I have found the one whom my soul loves." Song of Solomon 3:4 In order for me to see and feel how greatly my husband believes in me, I had to allow myself the space to be vulnerable. I ...