The Fish Tank

Fifteen years. Seems like a lifetime. Seems like a blink of an eye. Scott and I were married 15 years ago. We had a six year dating adventure before we walked down the aisle. While I feel like we have been together for a lifetime and I cannot remember my life without him by my side, I know we are still babies in this journey. I have learned so many things through marriage: about myself, about others, about love. We are in a season where some of the marriages around us are sadly ending. Some are shocking and eye-opening to how it can happen to any of us. I started looking inward to see what is working between Scott and I wanting to see what is making our marriage work so we can stay healthy. Here are some things I found when I searched our relationship: Respect: We fully respect one another. And when we don't, we call each other out and are humble enough to accept responsibility, ask forgiveness, and make the proper changes within ourselves. Respect takes personal sacrifice and I...

You know what I love? Normalcy. Summer brings the freedom from crazy schedules, long summer days, and last minute plans. It begs us to play in the water and eat far too many snow cones (or shaved ice or snow balls depending on where you reside). Summer beckons us to achieve sun-kissed cheeks and stay up late to watch the fireflies leaving the normal everyday crazy schedule behind. We long for the lazy days of summer as the school year comes to a close itching to turn the alarm off. Suitcases lie in wait hoping to be filled ready to go somewhere tropical or mountainous. Pools sparkle in the hot sun waiting for a canon ball. Summer is sweet; a welcomed reprieve. I was making the boys eggs the other day while drinking my coffee. We had just come off of a week of going here-there-and-everywhere. For some reason, this summer does not feel lazy. We took off from the gates into activities and vacation. I am not one to fill our summers with camps and commitments. The kids need a break from t...

I feel like this is the summer of moving. Every time I turn around, another friend announces her time here has come to an end and she and her family are moving to a new city. Each time I hear the news is bittersweet. I am excited for their families, but will feel a void from their absence. I would love to keep everyone I love close. No one would move away and we would all live happily ever after together. But, that's not reality. I saw a picture of my friend celebrating the contract on her house and I was happy for them but a little sad that they would be leaving soon. I have known her for years and even though we don't hang out all the time, I still love her presence in my life. As much as I would love to hold everyone hostage and build a commune, I need to let them go. I want others to experience the blessings that are in my life. If they stay here, the world outside of North Texas will never know their awesomeness. We limit ourselves when we say no to moving; to leavin...

Every new year, many of us make goals hoping the better ourselves. We plan to workout, eat healthier, work harder at our jobs, or try something new or challenging. We are out to "fix" ourselves because, let's face it, we can all use a little improving every now and again. We were all created with certain quirks and goodness. We tend to see our strengths as those things that hinder. Our goals for improvement focus on the very essence of our being. We try to manipulate ourselves to fit what culture, our surroundings, our friends, and our loved ones say. We think our unique intricacies are limiting instead of valuable. We strive to make ourselves better trying to shed the skin we were meant to live in. I have a challenge for you and me: find out who you are, embrace it, and celebrate the heck out of it. Make a list about you. List all of your qualities: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Get to know yourself and accept that you were made exactly that way on purpose. Stop t...

I turned 39 in May. My last year in my thirties. I have absolutely loved my thirties. I feel I have found myself here. I have learned what matters and what I can leave behind. I have discovered the true meaning of friendship and holding tight to that tribe that wants to be in my life. I have grown more deeply in love with my husband and enjoyed watching my boys come into their own. I am going to mourn my thirties when they finally pass. Not because I am fearful of aging. Rather, I am going to mourn that season that was so deep, so wide and so good. I am looking forward to my forties. I have friends who have crossed over and I am witnessing such freedom in their lives. I still long for that freedom in some areas. Just because I learned great deal about myself in my thirties does not mean that I don't have much to learn still. One thing I am learning is how to treat myself. For so long, my focus and emphasis to my physical health was how I looked on the outside. If I am thin enough...

I am following a blogger's 40th birthday extravaganza in Cabo on her instastories. Her mission is to help us make the life we've got a little more beautiful. She is there with her husband and seven other couples. I am going to be forty next year. So, her stories got me to thinking: who would I want in Cabo with me if I went for my birthday? Honestly, I have a lot of friends. I have many people in my life who I enjoy their company and comment on their Instagram pictures. But, who are the people that know me? Who are the ones that check on me regularly? Listen to me because they truly care? Sacrifice their time for me? Who is my tribe? I don't know. I know I have people that would come running no questions asked in a crisis. I am blessed with a tribe of mamas who help me raise my crazy boys. I know I have people who like me. But, who are the people that feed my soul? I don't know. I mean, I know who these people are, but, I don't utilize them well. Let me ...

Headlines. They are meant to grab us; to get our attention. Sometimes they are jolting. Other times, they are uplifting. I used to wake up every morning and turn on The Today Show. I liked feeling connected and informed. I would have the news on in the background while I was getting ready for work kind of listening kind of tuning out. When I started having babies, the news was my connection to the outside world. I remember staring at the female anchors with their make-up and hair done thinking, "One day I will be put together again" kind of like Humpty Dumpty. I really liked being in the know. As the boys got older and more needy, I would watch the first fifteen to thirty minutes of The Today Show. I needed the headlines. I needed to know what was going on outside my front door. My oldest got to the age where he was actually hearing what was on TV and so I had to limit my news exposure. Once I took a step back, I realized how much better I felt when I limited my news cons...

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 Oh, how we love to tell people, "God's going to do a great work in you!" Us Christians like to say this when things aren't going as planned in someone's life. Maybe they just experienced a break up, job loss, or were told no to a dream they held dear. God's got you and he is going to fulfill something great for you! I just know it! You know what? When I sit back and think about how often and when I have said these exact words, I annoy myself. My intentions were good but it's so cliche. I was thinking about my husband while he was on a work trip. I was casually praying that God would do a great work in him. There I go again with my irritating expressions. I had a visual of my husband in my mind while I was praying my cliche when I thought, "You know what? God already ...

I am currently studying the book of Revelation. I have gotten through chapter four out of twenty-two and a quarter of the way through the book I am using to help me along and I have been at this for a few months. Revelation is no joke. It can be easy to get caught up in understanding the symbolism and trying to decipher John's (the author) code. What I have found, however, is that while I can spew all the labels like pre-trib, post-trib, and mid-trib, at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. What matters is understanding the overall concept of the book. Jesus is coming back and because of this, we have hope. I recently read an article about the infamous Beth Moore. A Baptist preacher's wife had some issues with Beth's "claims." Mainly, she thought it presumptuous and wrong that Moore would speak of a time when she was enlightened by God; that she felt a nudging from God to do something. I come from a Baptist background. I started my faith journey in ...

A friend gave me a book for my birthday entitled, Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I haven't read anything by her since Eat, Pray, Love which I devoured, so I was excited to start this book. I would read a few chapters while I waited in the carpool line. This quickly became one of my favorite times in my day. While I was reading Big Magic I began rereading Nothing to Prove, by Jennie Allen. I read this book before in a book club setting but needed to reread it for a Bible study I am leading soon. I had no idea when I began this two books in conjunction with each other what a great impact they would have on me. "Through the mere act of creating something-anything-you might inadvertently produce work that is magnificent, eternal, or important." Elizabeth Gilbert We are all created for something. We all have an inner desire burning within us waiting to get out into the world. We spend countless hours wondering what our purpose is taking personality tests, switching j...

We took the gondola to get up the mountain. It was our third or fourth time on riding it. The boys loved it and chanted for it to move faster. On this ride, we came to a sudden stop. When I say sudden, I mean there was no slowing down. Someone hit the brakes and hit them hard. Our weight was not distributed evenly so the moment we stopped, our gondola decided to become a swinging porthole of death. We swung so far from side-to-side I thought we were going to hit the pole. And if swinging wasn't awesome enough, we bounced up and down: the kind of bouncing that makes your stomach drop. Three of the Fish five were perfectly fine and loving every minute. Two of us? Not so much. We both believed the end was near. A minute or so passed (even though it seemed like forever) and we began moving again. Our gondola straightened itself out and we never fell down the side of the mountain. We survived. I was able to calm one of the fishies who was scared (I may or may not have been the other o...

We recently drove to Colorado for a family reunion and vacation. We took the fastest and most common route on the way out there but decided to deviate from the norm on the way home. We wanted to see something different, so we decided to drive through Wichita and then drop south to Texas. Let me just say, the drive from outside of Denver to Wichita is gorgeous. Vast farmland. Rolling hills. Who knew Kansas was so pretty? I drove the entire time because I get carsick when I am the passenger. As I drove through all this glorious land that seemed to never end, I began to feel really small. Everyone in the car was quiet and occupied with their own thing, so it was just me, my thoughts, and the open country road. As I drove I envisioned seeing myself from space; like a satellite picture from space. All I could think of was that I was a teeny tiny spec in a great big world. We get so hyper-focused on where we live. We are so used to the everyday scenery that we lose sight of the great big...