The Fish Tank

Sometimes, when I need a break, I watch Big Bang Theory. The characters are hilarious and one reminds me so much of one of my boys. On one episode, Sheldon and Leonard have to divide assets. Their years of being roommates has come to an end. Sheldon doesn't want to part with anything. He has a plethora of excuses as to why he should keep all the things. In order to excuse his selfish behavior, he told Leonard he skipped kindergarten so he never learned how to share. I thought that sounds like our world. We never seemed to learn how to share. We live in a big wide world. That world houses billions of people. This big wide world is not solely yours or solely mine. I think we get that. But, I don't think we are living that. Instead of living arms wide open, we are living selfishly. Like Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory, we didn't learn how to share. Sharing for us these days means you live like me, act like me, speak like me, and talk like me. When you do those things, I can...

Donut. Kolache. Cheesy Potato Casserole. Greek Salad with lots of dressing. Cheeseburger. French Fries. I had a day. A few weeks ago I had quite a day with food. I usually eat pretty well taking in lots of fruits, veggies, and unprocessed foods. But not this day. This day I went out with a bang. And then I paid for it the next day. I wrote a blog post about feeling depleted a few days ago. I wrote about when I had forgotten about myself in the midst of the chaos of raising small children. It's easy to do: forgetting about yourself. As the boys got older, I realized I had to start taking care of me in order to enable myself to fully care for them and their needs. This revelation has changed my life for the better but let me tell you, it's not easy. Many could look at my life from the outside and think about how good I have it. They are right but that's not the full story. Yes, I have three healthy, smart, respectful, and dare I say, handsome young men. I am marrie...

I cannot lie. Well, I take that back. I have an extremely difficult time lying. If I lie about something, it sticks with me tormenting my soul until I finally break and tell the truth. Most of the time, this is a good quality: being honest. Sometimes, however, the truth isn't always what people want to hear. The other night I was laying on my son's bed chatting with him before he went to sleep. Somehow we got on the topic of me and his dad's dating relationship. I briefly mentioned the two break-ups we had and my boy wouldn't let them go. He needed details and needed to know why we broke up. Well, this entailed me divulging some pretty hefty stuff that may be hard for a ten year old to wrap his head around. But, being the honest Annie that I am, I couldn't lie. So, out came the truth. We ended up having an amazing conversation and an even more incredible moment. He asked questions. I answered in the most appropriate way I knew how. I kept things general but didn...

What we believe about our children matters greatly. Our beliefs about who they are and the make-up of their character can have a positive or negative impact on the trajectory of their lives. I have seen and learned this first-hand. Many moons ago when one of my boys was a toddler and preschooler, I had someone in my life who spoke what I thought were "truths" about my child into my life. I trusted this person immensely. She was an integral part of my life and my child's life. Because of this trust in the friendship, my views of my son were changed, and not for the better. When this kiddo was about two and a half to four, he was impulsive. Instead of using his words when he was "wronged," he would sometimes react physically. He was exceptionally smart and would sometimes question authority. The words this friend spoke about my child were negative but I believed them to be out of concern at the time. Descriptors like bully, mean, violent, and the like were us...

I think I've figured Jesus out. I've always equated his ability to have people turn from their sinful lives to one of fullness following him to the fact that he is God. I mean, it's hard to tell God no when he's hanging out right in front of you. But, I think there's more to it. Jesus saw the person first. He knew their need for the Gospel before they could change. When he looked at the people he encountered, he saw the whole person. He could have easily begun his conversation with them by calling them out. He could have pinned them for their sin and called it a day. But he didn't. Instead, he saw them as a person who he loved rather than a compilation of their sins. I think that may be what we are missing in the church today: the global church. We are quick to label people by their wrongs instead of seeing them as a person of value. We miss the opportunity to share the Gospel because we start with their rap sheet. We need permission before entering into s...

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.” Matthew 12:30-31 Love God. Love Others. Seems easy enough. Yet, we muck this up quite often. I want to get back to the bare bones of Jesus. I want to strip away all the man-made garbage and get down in the grit of who Jesus really is when we strip away religion, legalism, opinion, theories, and commentaries. So many have turned away from God and the church. They are done with the judgment, over the hype, bored of the scripted sermons. I get it. I get them. We've covered up the good stuff with a lot of fluff. I want to get back to the bare bones of Jesus. I am currently studying the Book of Revelation. This doesn't seem to be a good place to go when one is searching for the stripped down version of Jesus. But, I would argue this is the perfec...

'About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.” Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink. The rest said, “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him.” And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he released his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split' Matthew 27:46-(emphasis mine) I have heard the "Easter" story numerous times. I know the intricate details of Jesus' death and resurrection. I have read the account over and over throughout my years as a Christian. It's interesting to me, then, how one particular word jumped out at me this year. Of all the times I have heard this message, I...

When the boys were younger, the last thing I thought about was myself. I was so busy keeping children alive that I lost myself. So many people needed me ALL. THE. TIME. I got caught up in feedings, diaper changes, play dates, dirty dishes, toys that needed to be put away, laundry that needed to be folded, and a husband who needed some attention too. I also got caught up in helping friends outside our home, so-much-so, that I fell into bed most nights completely exhausted and depleted. I lived in this cycle of depletion for a few years. Thankfully, God is full of grace, mercy, and patience allowing me a season of discovery that led me to a place of fulfillment rather than frustration. The first thing that happened was I refocused my time, efforts, and energy back into my home. I accepted the season I was in (raising babies) and allowed myself the freedom to say no to things. This didn't sit well with some and I did lose some friendships. However, the reward of freedom I felt lif...

I got the crazy idea to watch The Passion of the Christ with my boys on this Good Friday. From the moment I saw the film, I knew I wanted my children to see it and I didn't even have any kids when the movie first came out. We can never know the brevity of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. This movie gives us a small glimpse into that reality and that's what I wanted my kids to see: reality. Not some fairy tale. My boys are about to all bump up a year. We are heading into birthday season. But, right now they are six, seven, and ten. They have gone to church since they were in my belly. They know who Jesus is and what he did for us. My biggest concern, I think I can speak for both my husband and I on this, is that our children's faith will be because of mom and dad and not their own. I think I fear this more than I fear them walking away from God all together. I want Jesus to be real to them. I want them to feel him in their guts. I knew this movie would be a stepping stone ...

Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day Docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades You're lovin' on the psychopath sitting next to you You're lovin' on the murderer sitting next to you You'll think, how'd I get here, sitting next to you? But after all I've said, please don't forget All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse ~Heathens by 21 Pilots My oldest son loves 21 Pilots. Anytime he gets in my car he turns on their music. The other day, on the way to church, we changed the song from, "This is amazing grace" to "Heathens" by 21 Pil...

I Am Yaweh (Self-Existent/Eternal) Adonai (Lord over all) Yahweh-Maccaddeshem (Sanctifier) Yahweh-Rohi (Shepherd) Yahweh-Shammah (Present) Yahweh-Rapha (Healer) Yahweh-Tsidkenu (Righteous) Yahweh-Jireh (Provider) Yahweh-Nissi (Our Banner/Covering) Yahweh-Shalom (Peace-Maker) Yahweh-Sabbaoth (Lord of Hosts) Yahweh-Ghmolah (Recompense) Elohim (Creator) El-Elyon (Most High) El-Gibhor (Mighty) El-Olam (Everlasting) El-Roi (Strong one/Sees all) El-Shaddai-Rohi (Almighty) El-Chuwl (Gave birth...to our lives: Our Father/Creator) El-Deah (All wisdom) Attiyq Youm (Ancient of Days/Eternal) This is just a small list of all the names of God. The Bible holds countless descriptors for God. But, I ask the question: Who is God to you? Being that it is Holy Week, discovering and discussing who God is seems hugely appropriate. Some say he is this far off entity that has no bearing on our lives. Others believe he is a mystical figure. While others think he is the ultimate judge w...

Give my husband and I a personality test and we will always score completely opposite. It doesn't matter what test you give us. He is always on one side and I am always on the other. I don't know how we work together so well, but we do. I guess we bring truth to the saying, "opposites attract." He is not a planner. I mean, he makes plans but doesn't need them. Ironically, in his line of work, he is a planner. I, on the other hand, need a plan. I need to know what's coming next. I need to order and organize everything. I get itchy when I don't know what's happening. I thrive on order. Lately, however, probably within the past few years, I have accepted and begun to enjoy not knowing what's coming next. I enjoy living in today with the anticipation of not knowing what tomorrow will bring. It's exciting and quite frankly, more restful than worrying about tomorrow's agenda. 'For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plan...

'Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' Matthew 21-22 Forgiveness is hard. Letting go of the wrong someone has done to you is not an easy task. Especially when that person doesn't own his or her wrongdoing. I don't know about you, but I am a justice girl; a rule follower thru and thru. I don't like it when people get off the hook for breaking the rules. It just rubs me the wrong way and takes away that orderly feeling I chase after constantly. Peter wanted Jesus to tell him when he could stop this forgiveness madness and be justified in his irritation at the person. He wanted a specific number so he could say he tried. Don't we all feel this way at some point? We say we tried and the other person didn't respond so we are justified with being done with that person and holding our grudge. ...