The Fish Tank

I like order. I can relax when all the throw pillows are in order and coiffed on the couch. I like when all the toys are organized in all their little bins in the playroom. And, oh-how-I-love clean floors. I like when my house has no flaws. But, let's be real. I live with boys. I can't count the number of times I have gone to sit on the toilet and sat in pee. There are light sabers thrown about and you have to dodge Legos when you head upstairs. Two of my kids are drop-and-go kids so I'll find shoes in the middle of the stairs, back packs dropped where ever they stop, and socks and underwear stuffed in some of the most bizarre places. I have learned that these flaws don't make my house any less beautiful. Yes, I probably won't be asked to do a photo spread in Better Home and Gardens. But that doesn't mean the beauty has eroded. If anything, the toys and socks and Legos bring life to the space which, in turn, makes it beautiful. I am nearing the bend to forty a...

I have got to talk about something I don't want to talk about. But, this is necessary. One thing I love about this space is the vulnerability it provides. Being vulnerable is scary. You are letting people in to see the depths of your soul; those things you stuff down deep and hope and pray do not see the light of day. For me, vulnerability brings realness. Vulnerability enables real relationship to happen. Vulnerability brings healing, peace, and strength. So, here goes. Let me start by saying I am a VERY competitive individual. Not with you or my husband or others. Where I am most competitive is with myself. I know that sounds bizarre, but its how I am wired. Tell me I can't do a single leg push-up while suspended in a TRX band and I will work on that until I master it just to prove that I can; to prove to myself that I can. So, when I can't overcome something, when something gets a hold of me just right and I can't overtake it, I get mad at myself and try to stuff i...

Y'all, we have got to talk. I am currently praying as I write because I tend to be on the emotional side of things and get myself all worked up. That's the reason I married a pretty non-emotional guy: he keeps me sane. Or, at least he tries his very best to keep me sane. We have got to do this Jesus thing differently. We have to. Let me begin by saying I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe that I need saving because I am the messiest of messy individuals. I need grace ever single day of my life. I need love. I need mercy. I also tend to be very conservative and quite passionate about my morals and values. I will go through hell and high water to protect my beliefs and my family. What I will not do, however, is keep someone from losing their soul. Let me give you some Scripture that I have been meditating on. I have been parked in this spot for awhile now and you will most likely see these words again in another post. 4 Now he had to go throug...

I pulled onto the country road and turned left towards the main drag. If you turn right, you head towards the farm where the awesome pumpkin patch is in the fall. I remember before we moved up here three years ago that the pumpkin patch seemed so far away. I realize now that it's right down the street. It really wasn't ever that far. It just seemed that way. Have your dreams ever felt that way; so far away off in the distant untouchable? Mine have. Sometimes I feel like it takes forever to reach the things I dream about. And then, one day, those dreams become reality and it doesn't seem like it took that long. When Scott and I were first married he asked me to stop praying for patience. I wanted so many things for us. A house. A child. It wasn't time yet but I wanted those things with a vengeance and I wanted them now. And then, in what seemed like one single breath, all those things became reality. I sure would have saved myself a lot of grief had I only realized ...

I have been a mom for the past ten years. Before that, I was a teacher and a wife. Before that, I was a waitress, a college student, and a nanny. Even earlier in my life I was a high school student trying to fit in. I have had many roles throughout my life and while I may not have loved them all, I needed them. I am at another shift in my life. The boys are growing up and our family is changing. That means my role is shifting yet again. I am not a huge fan of change, but its growing on me. I had a friend say recently that she felt benched when she became a mom. She felt like she had been sidelined to the home. Not that being a mom was not a tough job. She just felt like it prevented her from being a part of the "real world." That world where you feel human, appreciated, and valued. I totally get that. Times a million. Now that I am older and wiser (insert uncontrollable laughter), I realize that my role and identity is going to change throughout my years here on earth. I ...

I didn't grow up in a Christian home. I started going to church in high school with a friend. My faith began to grow over the years. As my faith became my own, I started having visions about what my family would look like one day. I daydreamed about my husband leading us all in carefully crafted devotions. We'd sit together at night listening intently to his wise words and leading. We'd be happy, quiet, and content listening to the leader of our home teach us from the Word. And then reality struck. I married a quiet faith kind of guy and had three boys four and under. My family didn't look quite like my fantasy. “You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the do...

Faith. It's an interesting thing...word. What is faith? Is faith a special occasion? Do you only practice your faith on Christmas and Easter? Is faith something you do on Sundays? Is faith situational: you only have faith when the outcome is positive leading you to believe in God? Or, is faith a part of who you are; your everyday living breathing self? Most of us would say that the absence of faith is fear or doubt. What if the opposite of faith is knowledge? Think about it. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 Faith lives in the unseen. Knowledge lives in the seen. Are you basing your faith on the world you can see? If so, you may want to reevaluate faith. Faith is living everyday with hope regardless of the outcome of your day. Faith rides on the confidence that God still exists and is still good even when life takes a turn for the worst. Faith lies in the confidence in Christ not your present situation...

I am often told that I always have a smile on my face. People tell me that I seem to be full of joy more often than not. With the exception of a guy a dated a loooooong time ago who told me I looked angry when I drive (which I do not know how that could be since I am usually singing like I just won American Idol and who can possibly look angry when they are singing, but whatever), people often ask how I am so happy. This got me thinking: am I always happy or am I faking it? It is true that I carry a smile on my face more often than a frown. I don't do this to be fake or pretend that everything is always good and right and kumbaya. I can smile through the trials because I have a different perspective. You see, many of us celebrate Good Friday and Easter and then wait until next year to celebrate again. I live Good Friday and Easter everyday. I can smile when things are tough because I know Sunday is coming. I can have joy when I am experiencing a Good Friday moment because I know ...

When I told my husband that I was going to write about labor he looked at me like I was crazy. And maybe I am. But, I believe this story clearly reflects how I handle life and what is thrown at me so here it goes. I decided to forgo medicine when we had our third child. I am by no means a completely holistic person nor do I think I am super woman. I had some complications due to the meds with the other two, so I thought I'd try the natural route. I got towards the end of laboring when I looked at my husband and told him I could not do this. There was no way this lady was going to complete the birthing process. This kid would have to figure out his own ride home. He talked me off my ledge and settled me down. I remember my doctor coming in and suiting up. She also happens to be a friend of mine making labor and delivery a little more tolerable. While she was getting all set I remember her explicitly telling me not to push. Um...that was not going to happen. Everything in my body w...

I recently had the opportunity to get to know a woman who I had only briefly crossed paths with in the past. As I got to know her a little better, I began to realize that she was much different than the person I created her to be in my head. You see, this person did not fit the mold. Yes, she was very similar to me: same age, same stage of life, same nationality, same race, etc, etc. She didn't, however, fit the norm for the setting we were in if that makes sense. It wasn't a bad thing; just different. As I listened to her and got to know her a little better, I gained so much appreciation and respect for her. In that moment, I realized that all too often, I try to force people and life to fit a particular mold. Don't we all do this from time-to-time? We see someone, meet them in a brief moment, or hear an opinion of a friend rushing to judgement throwing that person out because he or she does not fit the mold. Our molds are created based on where we live, the culture of o...