The Fish Tank

I was watering my plants out front. Well, I was watering what was left of my plants trying to save them. I caught a rabbit in the pot eating my plants the day before so there wasn't much left. I am hoping that if I continue to water and care for the vine, the plant will grow back. Time will tell. As I was watering my plants, I worried about how I am not the best gardener. I do not have a green thumb. I have great visions and dreams about having a real garden one day. I want to grow fruits and veggies and use them in my cooking. I tried to grow some things last spring but it ended in an epic failure. I decided this year to keep it simple. I am growing some herbs and so far so good. I love going outside cutting some basil off and using it in my recipes. There is nothing like the smell of fresh cut herbs filling my home. We are the garden. If we don't tend to our garden, to our souls, we shrivel up and die inside. We need care. We need watering. We need sunshine. If we are not...

I walked into the kitchen and spotted a blue solo cup on the counter. The following conversation played out in my head: "Whose cup is this? Which kid took out yet another cup? Didn't I ask them to stop getting a new cup every time they needed a drink? What is wrong with these people? They obviously don't ever listen to me." In the midst of my frustration, I realized the cup was mine. Oopsies. Good thing I didn't speak those words aloud. I went on with my life and my to-do list leaving MY cup right where I found it. I am the grown-up and can leave my cup where ever my grown-up heart desires. I came back into the kitchen a little while later and saw the cup again. I completely forgot the cup was mine so I rehashed the above conversation in my head. I was baffled by who left that cup on the counter. And then I remembered it was me. Again. Y'all, I did this two more times throughout the night. It was like Groundhog's Day but I was the only one celebrat...

I have read and heard about the Proverbs 31 woman for years. She's faithful and humble, yet fierce and strong. She is fully committed to her work and her family. She's the Pinterest master, homemaker extraordinaire, perfect friend, full of wisdom, fun to be around, wife and mom of the year type of gal. Whew. This is intimidating. Well, she was intimidating until I learned who Solomon used as his model when he wrote Proverbs 31: his mother. If you don't know, King Solomon is the son of King David and Bathsheba. David and Bathsheba have a shady past together. To give you a little history, David saw Bathsheba sun-bathing on the roof. He was completely enamored by her. He had to have her and have her he did. He took Bathsheba in and they slept together. For all those who think the Bible is uptight and boring, you need to pick it up and start reading. It is the raciest romance and action-packed book you will ever read. Anyway, I digress. So, Bathsheba and David have this ...

I am reading through Proverbs this summer. Today I read chapter six and OH MY WORD! It kicked me in the behind. I figured since it made my palms sweaty and my heart skip a beat, I would blog about it. "If you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor"s hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyelids. Free yourself..." Proverbs 6:1-5a We all talk about each other. Whether good or bad, many of our conversations are about others. It is what it is. However, these verses made me question a few things. I have no problem having difficult conversations within relationships. I absolutely loath confrontation, but, if I love you and value our relationship, I am willing to speak up. If something hurtful is said about me behind my back or there has been untruths spoken about me, I typically don't have a problem goi...

"If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 I am a backstage girl trapped in a spotlight body. I love to serve and give and love on others. Typically, all is done quietly and goes unnoticed. I say I don't like attention and recognition, but, if I am being honest, it's nice to be in the spotlight sometimes. If I could stand and speak to a sold out crowd about Jesus and receive a standing ovation, my soul would most likely dance. Lately, however, I have been reminded that while I would love the applause and recognition of the world, I have an audience of One. Opinions of others matter to me. I try not to let them matter, but they do. What can I say? I care what people think about me. I care about what is being said about me when I am not present. A couple years ago, I latched onto the saying, "confidence in Christ." I ran after the concept of finding my confidence in Him and Him alone. I still chase this dr...

I pinned plans and pictures of farmhouse tables to my Pinterest board. It was time for us to get a new table and I had the perfect one pictured in my head. The table we had was getting a little small and a little worn out. Scott and I purchased our first table in 2004 when we bought our first house together. This little table is filled with so many memories. If the table could talk, it would tell of the first Thanksgiving we hosted, how it was set so pretty to help sell our home so we could move to Texas, how it's been painted and repainted; sanded and stained countless times. The table has nicks and scratches and little pieces of play-dough stuck in the crevices. If our table could talk, it would tell of the many stories that were shared around it: those precious moments we shared all squished together. I wish our little table could talk. I wish it could tell of the stories that occurred around the four sides. It was time for our table to move on to a new family and for us to ...

I read the comment and gave an epic eye-roll. How could she be so nice given the status of their relationship? My reaction wasn't pretty. Animosity: ~a feeling of strong dislike, ill-will, or enmity that tends to display itself in action. “You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous....

I love chasing the boys and the dog around with the vacuum hose. I get some kind of weird satisfaction when I catch them. They laugh so hard when I finally do catch them and suck them in. Well, the dog doesn't laugh so much, but the boys do. Something about the chase and the anticipation of being sucked in by the vacuum brings all kinds of joy. I experience another kind of being sucked in that doesn't bring so much laughter. I get sucked into other's people's lives and it doesn't always bring me joy. 'Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21 I look to my right and left ALL the time. Meanwhile, I am missing that voice behind me; the voice that is FAR more important than those on either side. I was sitting by the pool scrolling and trolling on Instagram while the boys swam. I saw a picture on Instagram of two boys sitting in adirondack chairs on the bea...

Have you ever struggled with anything? Like struggling so bad its maddening? I have. I have prayed, cried out, surrendered, and done all the things that one should in letting go and letting God. Yet, I still continued to struggle. “Let God have your life; He can do more with it than you can.” Dwight L. Moody I love a good quote. I fist bump that quote like nobody's business. I repost it on Instagram with all the praise hands. And then I go back to my life not really living that quote out. That's Moody's quote to me. Let God have my life? Certainly. Here ya go. But there I sit with fists closed tight holding on desperately to as much control as I possibly can. In my mind, I am letting go. In my heart, I am holding on. I was reading a story about someone who was pleading with God about a struggle in her life. This wasn't just a little tear shed. She was crying out gut-wrenching cries to God to take it all away and make it stop. But, He didn't. Have you ever been...

The boys woke up at 7am. That's sleeping in in our house. I don't know how y'all get your kiddos to sleep in. I am amazed when I see friends post 9am wake-up times. I can only wish one day. My three monkies jumped out of bed and ran to their perspective morning places...Jack on his computer. Grady and Wyatt generating intricate Minecraft creations. They know that after breakfast is where technology dies and the responsibilities begin. After breakfast, I was sat in my room taking in a little news sipping on those glorious first sips of coffee while the boys worked upstairs. A sense of guilt began to wash over me as I sat there listening to the latest political extravaganza. I should be doing something. I need to be doing something. My worth is tied up in doing things. Sitting here is not productive. I got out of bed and headed upstairs to check on the boys. I wanted to make sure they were actually following their to-do lists and not sneaking in a little screen time. Su...

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Revelation 22:13 I was reading a friend's post on Facebook the other day. She was posting about another person she knew who has cancer. The post was depressing, horribly sad, maddening, and heart-wrenching. I had to shut it down to regroup. I started getting angry and upset and began to go down the rabbit hole of all those "why" questions. Why suffering? Why pain? Why is there such an illness that wreaks havoc on everyone is touches? Why? Why? Why? Ugh. The most difficult part of all of this is that I cannot answer the why. I don't have an answer. I cannot explain why good people suffer and the bad guys seem to get away with stuff. I cannot make the hurt go away. I am not capable of fixing certain things. So, the whys sit and marinate until they destroy my insides. So, I retreat. I was talking to a friend the other day. She was going through some tough stuff in a relatio...

"Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." James 1:17 I found my good and perfect gift on May 27, 1996. Scott and I went on our first date twenty years ago. 20. I cannot believe it. I remember picking him up in the Chevy's parking lot. I drove my mom's 1989 red BMW. His car was in the shop. I don't know where my car was at the time. Maybe I wanted to impress him by showing up in a hot little car. We went to the movies around the corner. I can't remember what we saw. I just remember the day. I remember exactly what he looked like: clean shaven, military hair cut, with a waste smaller than mine. He had just gotten out of the army and I had just turned 18 about to graduate high school. I thought I knew it all and he was trying to discover life outside the military. We were young and the world was wide. Twenty years seems like a lifetime...