The Fish Tank

Man alive, it's been quite a week. Well, last week was quite a week. Today was just a day. Interesting how things get murky and difficult when you decide to step out. Before the new year, I tried to find a new word for myself. I wanted something to proclaim going into 2016 but I came up blank. I had nothing. Nada. The year was starting out in a boring slump. And then I began to listen to a book on audio (I was going to say tape but then I would have aged myself). This book talks about having audacious faith. Ah. There it is. My word: AUDACIOUS. I would like to think I am a pretty resilient person. Knock me down and I will get back up. Tell me I can't do something and I will try my hardest to prove you wrong. But sometimes I get tired and I don't want to get back up. I am worn out and ragged and have nothing more to give and then I hear this word. Audacious : showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks. It's time; time for me to be a risk taker. Time fo...

It's easy to believe God is great. He is the God of the universe who placed every star in the sky. He created the sun, moon, water, land, animals, and us humans. The words, "God has done great and mighty things," rolls off our tongues with ease. We see or hear about a miracle and proclaim His greatness. We witness a stunning sunset and declare His greatness in the masterpiece of the skies. God's greatness is not easily disputed and readily accepted. But what about His goodness? This one hit home for me. I can easily state that God is great. But good? Hmmmm. That's a little more complicated. God's goodness is a little more difficult to believe. We struggle to say He is good when our news feeds are inundated with horrific tragedies. Heck, we can take a quick look at our own lives and not be able to find His goodness. I have come to learn that God's goodness and greatness go hand-in-hand. You cannot have one without the other. If He is great, He is also g...

I got home from the gym and running errands hungry and a little tired. I desperately needed a shower but I had to get the milk in the fridge and meat in the freezer. My lunch sat on the counter taunting me as my stomach growled. I finally got all the groceries put away and everything cleaned up. But, there was one more thing I needed to do before I could sit down and eat. I went around and lit my candles. Sounds silly, but the moment I lit those candles, my blood pressure came down. I realized in that moment that I needed space. "Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 A friend and I were talking the other day and she was telling me that she has just discovered that she needs about one hour per week to herself. Time to be away from the family and life's responsibilities and just be. I totally understood where she was coming from. We know we need space but oftentimes, we don't allow it. God was onto something when he told us to be still. He knew that we are...

There's something that happens deep within when you accept Jesus. It's unexplainable...kind of like having kids. You just can't put into words all the feelings. It's as if time stands still and everything is spinning all at the same time. It's electric, full of peace, yet terrifying all in the same moment. There's something about finding that Jesus. I want more of that. One can accept the free gift of salvation through a simple prayer. Believe he is who he says he is and he did what he says he did for you and there you go. Life goes on and Jesus sits in your back pocket. He's there to call on when you are in the pit and have nowhere else to go. He's beside you when you are jumping up and down ecstatic. But, is there more? I sure hope so. I want to cross over. I want to go from salvation to relation. I want Jesus to be more than a back pocket prayer. I want him to walk alongside me in the everyday; the beautiful mess of a life I live. Many of us don...

I am going to talk to all the ladies about some baggage I've been carrying around. Guys deal with this stuff, too, it's just a little different. When I was younger there were three of us girls that were thick as thieves. As one can imagine, however, threes a crowd and one of us was left out from time to time. That someone was usually me. I was younger and tended to be a little bossy and annoying. As an adult, I can see why I was left out. However, it still hurt and I carry that insecurity to this day. Have you ever wondered why people will drop everything, or so it seems, for certain friends but you get left in the dust? You show up to as much as you possibly can supporting your posse of gals yet when it comes to something for you all you hear are crickets? Just me? Well, every once in awhile I find myself in a funk and wonder what they've got that I am lacking? I assume something must be wrong with me otherwise I would receive the same caring, kind, loving, VIP treatment...

I was sitting at Starbucks typing away and doing some research when a party of four sat down next to me. It was crowded and the tables were close. The two couples chatted about general life stuff for the first ten minutes or so. Yes, I was eves-dropping. Like I said, they were sitting VERY close. The conversation then turned serious. One of the men needed to talk through some junk that was happening at their church. He began expressing concern about how the church was using their finances and how the pastoral staff was leading the congregation. The discussion continued and I had to leave. I didn't hear how they handled their issues or if they came to any resolution. I've heard many church conversations before: the church hurt someone, ignored someone, back-stabbed another, didn't meet the needs for a particular person, and so on. This little church debate in Starbucks got my mind spinning: What is the role of the church anyway? I first went to church with a friend in high...

I was tired, worn out, and a little cranky. It was about 11pm; hot and sticky outside. The shuttle was taking forever to pick us up and the kids were getting cranky. Most of the group already left deciding to walk to their cars instead of wait for the shuttle. I had three kids by myself and thought no way they could handle the long jaunt to the car this late. I didn't want to have to carry one kid and give another a piggy back ride because their legs got tired. Time continued to pass and still no shuttle. Finally, I told the two little guys to grab my hands and my oldest to stay close and off we went. It was late and dark and we had to walk through a huge overgrown field and cross train trucks to get to the parking lot. I didn't know if there were chiggers or snakes in that field, but by golly, we were going to cross it with confidence. The four of us were the only walkers left. Everyone had already made it to their cars and headed out. I was determined to get us all safely to ...

Have you ever had an argument with a friend or loved one and you looked like the bad guy? You knew you had to walk away from the relationship and everyone thought something was wrong with you for doing so? Have you ever had your character called into question because of a disagreement or misunderstanding? When we experience conflict with another human being, those around us tend to take sides. We say we don't and that we are neutral, but, if we are being honest, we have side conversations that convict one side of the argument. "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 I am a huge proponent of justice. I have a difficult time when someone does not get the justice they deserve. I struggle when an innocent person is victimized and doesn't experience some sort of justice for what they have been through. I can recall two times in my life where my charact...

"God is reaching out to us, wanting us to see we need him. But since he is God, we think he wants some song and dance from us-in other words, behavior modification. He actually just wants us ." Jennie Allen Everything. I say I will give everything to God. I try daily to give Him everything. But, am I willing to give him anything? Too often, I think everything and anything are interchangeable. Giving everything comes with limitations. Its MY everything. I create the perameters to which everything I give. I overrun, overwork, and overserve trying to give God everything. I run at a pace that cannot be sustained. I exhaust myself chasing the dream of giving everything thinking that's the very thing God wants from me. But it's not. He doesn't want everything. He just wants anything. He wants to know that I am willing to give anything to be still and be near like Mary... As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Marth...

Obedience is hard. Even a rule follower like me struggles to obey sometimes. We have a saying in our family, "Obey all the way, right away, and with a good attitude." I heard a friend say it years ago when she was teaching at my boys' preschool and it stuck. I say this phrase often in our home. Being that the boys are 5, 6, and 9, obedience is a big part of our everyday. I have to say, it is much easier being the obedience enforcer than it is to be the one having to obey. I am learning a lot about obedience. What I have come to realize is that obedience doesn't always feel good. Obedience can mess up your schedule, get you out of your cozy comfortable life, and make you question and doubt yourself. My struggle lies within my obedience to God through my yeses and my no's. When I get asked to do something, there are obvious things that are easy to say no to. Anything that goes against my moral code? No! Anything that threatens my marriage or family and our time to...

I like lists. I like to create to-do lists for my daily tasks and projects I am dreaming about. I used to give my mom a hard time because she always had to have a list. I wondered why she couldn't just remember what she had to accomplish that day...and then I became a mom and understood the list need. I absolutely LOVE crossing things off of my lists. Sometimes, I write something on my list that I have already done just so I can cross it off. What can I say? It makes me feel accomplished like I can tackle that much more. I always create my list with good intentions. I write things down that I need to do, projects I need to complete, and then the day gets away from me. At the end of the day, the list reminds me of my unfinished business. I don't like that feeling. I went to bed last night dreaming about what I could accomplish today being that my boys were finally headed back to school after the Christmas holiday. I envisioned my devotional next to my computer where I would re...

I like order. Everything has a place. Everything belongs in its own space. I was created for order and organization. I have been this way since I was a kid. I liked things lined up and put in specific order. I remember my lovies all had a particular place on my bed. My dad would move them from time. Of course I would noticed they had moved. When I would say something about this discovery, my dad would say that perhaps they came alive while I was gone. That would creep many kids out, but, for me, it made me happy to think my treasured cabbage patch dolls had a play date and, more importantly, this gave good reason as to why things were out of place. When we were first married, Scott loved to mess with me and move the throw pillows out of place on our bed. It would drive me mad. What can I say? Order brings sanity to my life. As I got older and started having kids, I remember people telling me I would have to start getting used to leaving the messes. That I wouldn't have time to ke...