The Fish Tank

My instructor told us our next rotation would involve burpees and planks. If any of you workout, you know that burpees are probably the absolute worst exercise ever created in the universe but quite effective. Today, however, he wanted us to do them on one leg. All of us looked at him like he had (clearly) lost his mind. He wanted us to do what? And this after punching and running, and box jumping, and lifting for almost an hour? But, we all got on our way doing our one-legged burpees. This exercise took quite a bit of balance and I knew immediately that I was more dominant on my left leg than right. That was not the first time that morning the word balance came to mind. Balancing on one leg while trying to jump up, back, and into push-up position only solidified my thoughts on the word. I have been thinking about balance for a while now. We talk a lot about finding balance in our lives giving our energy first to God, then our spouse, kids, work, etc. But, I had other thoughts about

Stuck. Icemaggedon. Entombed in ice. We were warned days ago that we were going to experience the storm of a lifetime; to be prepared to be stuck in our homes for a few days. The stores were packed and shelves cleared by panicked patrons trying to stock up. I thought we had enough but am now craving enchiladas so bad I'd walk ten miles for them. Funny what you would do when you don't have the freedom to do what you want when you want. As I got a quiet moment in the middle of the day today I began to think about this moment and how many of us are going stir crazy and it's only day two of what could be a four day or more entrapment. God tells us to be still. We talk about, preach about, read about, and pray about being still. However, I don't think we practice being still. I was outside with my middle guy watching him break icicles off plants and eat them while trying to stay on his feet. As I watched him, I listened. There is something very still and quiet after a snow

Last week I went on an adventure of a life time. I always dreamed of visiting the vast city that moves so quickly. I jumped at the opportunity. As I stepped out of the yellow taxi cab onto the busy streets of New York I was transported back to my 12 year old self needing my mom to guide me through. I didn't know what to expect when I arrived in NYC but thought I would be fine. I grew up in Southern California where a fast paced life style is the norm. Or so I thought. SoCal looks like a slug compared to the bustling streets of Manhattan. But, I was with my trusty sidekick who knows how to keep me in line and focused so I knew we were going to tackle this city like a beast. As we ventured around town what I came to realize is that life is out of my control (duh). We walked for what seemed like forever passing men in three piece suits and the homeless at the same time. It was a bizarre yet seemingly normal site. I thought about the lives of those two and how drastic they lived; one

"God spent a long time making you and He doesn't make worthless things!" Funny how God works. The word perfection has been bouncing around my brain for the past two weeks. I've thought about what it means to be perfect, how much I long for perfection in my life, how perfection is really unattainable and not true to reality. I think our on-line world has enhanced the race towards perfection. We see everyone in a way that is not realistic or true to the everyday mess of our lives. When we do let the disaster show, it's a cute concocted picture of something hilarious or something that will garner positive attention. Today, I sat in our auditorium at church and listened to the sermon as it penetrated my soul. The subject: Comparison. Oh man. Wow. For me, perfection stems from two sources: my utter need and desire to have everything neat and tidy AND my quick ability to compare my life to others. Why do I think others' lives are perfect? I know the truth. I bel

When God is about to work in my life in a mighty way, when He is about to do great things, I often find myself in the the midst of a massive clean out. Things are purged and taken away. Life is altered and shifted to make room for what He is about to do. In the midst of this clearing I can go from completely lost and confused to feeling relaxed and relieved. Most of the time I am unaware that He is working while being pushed, pried, and stretched beyond recognition until I look back on the battlefield in awe of all He has done. I like comfort, normalcy, and consistence. I believe my thorn in my side as Paul talked about in the new testament is change. It's the one thing that actually is, ironically, a constant in my life. Change draws me to my knees and His side. I just finished studying Gideon from the Old Testament. God stripped Him bare in order to use Him in a big way. So often God needs to strip us in order to use us. He needs to reveal our skeletons so that we are able to de

I am a horrible selfie picture taker. I feel awkward and end up looking like a weirdo. The only time I really like pictures of myself is when I am with my boys or my husband. All these selfies got me thinking. We all want to look and present ourselves a specific way using the perfect angle, editing tools, and filters. Rarely is that selfie in original form before we post it. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 We are WONDERFULLY made and, according to Scripture, we should know that "full well." I don't think we know how wonderful we are made. If we did, we wouldn't need to post edited pictures of ourselves, which, in reality, are to make ourselves feel pretty, good about ourselves, and wonderful. Because of the overwhelming impact of social others lives online filtering through their pictures, statuses, and comments creating this extravagant story of their lives which is

As I drove past our little fire station in my small town the flag was at half mast...again. Again. How on earth was there another tragedy that was so atrocious that our flags were lowered once again? I feel like everywhere we turn tragedy lurks: another school shooting, child taken, soldier fallen, government up in arms, battle to fight. Oh, how easy it is to get caught up in this. We live in tumultuous times. But, just because our world is chaos does not mean we do not have victory. This past year, I witnessed a good friend journey through turmoil. I watched the valleys, mountain-tops, tears, battles, and now, victory. As we chatted last time we met she said something that I cannot shake. She said, "I almost feel bad about being happy; finding joy in my victory. She knew it was crazy but she was honest and real and vulnerable and I appreciated that. I got it; I understood. "The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord." Proverbs 21:3

"Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand." Matthew 12:25 I NEVER talk about politics. Religion? I will go there, but for some reason I steer clear of anything political. Politics stirs so much up inside people and it gets ugly. We turn off our ears and stop listening to one another. We fight for democracy but really want everyone to believe and follow our ways...I mean, our ways are the right ways, right??? I've been stewing over the political feeds I read whether from the media, "trusted" news sources, and friends and one thought keeps flowing through my mind, " I am SO thankful that I know and understand that I really don't answer to this man-made government. I answer to God." I am not saying that I betroth everything our government does or says and live in some bunker somewhere. Not at all. I respect the authority our government holds an

What I remember most about walking into one of my favorite stores is crying. I remember the feeling of the store with all its beauty, peace, awe-inspiring quotes, worship music quietly playing, and prayer table at the back. There was peace. Calm. Quiet. And tears. I sat in the dressing room the day after my friend had lost her sister and sobbed. I felt my tasks were so mundane while my friend suffered her heart torn out at the loss of a sister far too soon. Yet, I felt peace as if I were in another reality. Life was swirling by continuing on as it should as I sat paralyzed in grief for my friend and her family all-the-while experiencing this altered state. I cannot believe it has been almost a year since that moment. I visited the store a few times since. I walked in the other day and began to think about the name of the store: Altered State. I believe this is the way God intended us to live. "Dear friends, I urge you; as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires,

How I long to live like Christ and wonder why it is so difficult; why we make it so hard. Why is the world so enticing when we only find real fulfillment in the One who gives us life? He is so good and gives me so much yet I chase this world like it is whom I serve. I see death, destruction, despair, loss, fear, chasing with no end yet the world is often times what I seek. Am I afraid of the life you have written for me? Fearful that this life may venture off the path of cultural norm so wrapped up into acceptance by society and not Heaven? I want more than this. I want You, to know You deeply and live for You fulfilled in every capacity. Amen 2 Peter 2:21-25 "For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in His steps. He never sinned, nor deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fa

"Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:25 I sat at the island in my kitchen listening to Grandma Fish share stores of her adventures with Grandpa Fish. What a cool experience! She had quite the life with him and while her stories made me miss him, I relished in her listening to her talk. We all have stories to tell, life lived, scars to explain. Many times we are too hurried or rushed to hear the fullness of someone's life. We think we know someone's story because we read about it on Facebook or Twitter or heard about it from a friend. We know in our hearts, however, that the stories portrayed on the internet aren't our full life or even our real life. God, the author and perfector, creates beautiful, magical, crazy stories in our lives. He does this for us to live a fully abundant life but also that we may share with one another how we are journeying th

Instant gratification. Fast. Hurried. Rushed. Five minute meals. Eight minute abs. Click one button and receive the answer now. Earn quick cash with little work. Order something on-line with one click and get it the next day. Take a pill and get skinny. Don't have time for God? I have a five minute devotion for ya. Shall I continue? We all know we live in a day where quick is our normal. There are countless blogs, commentaries, articles, interviews, and research based upon our society and our need to have things now. If someone doesn't instantly respond to our text or email we go into a frenzy wondering why-are they mad at me? Are they hurt? I believe quick is becoming our enemy. "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 We don't know how to live. We really don't. We know how to hurry. We don't know how to enjoy a sunset or the beautiful long eyelashes on our precious child's face. We are too busy finding out how to do something faster. Too dist

17 years ago I walked into the kitchen at Chevy's Mexican Restaurant crying over the break-up of my high school boyfriend and I. Little did I know I would walk right by my future husband. He a busser; me a hostess. I was a young 17 year old. He was fresh out of the military a clean shaven 23 year old. We would talk over the "chipper" by the hostess desk becoming fast friends. We began talking over the phone having those three hour long conversations talking much about nothing. Man, I miss those precious moments. I remember checking the schedule at work to find out this handsome man's last name. Fish. How could it be Fish. I knew in my heart at that moment I would one day take on that name. With that thought I wondered how I could become Mrs. Fish knowing I was going to teach elementary school. I also wondered how our children would fare. I cannot imagine carrying on with any other last name. I take pride in this name hoping I walk in grace with it. I am privileged to

'Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.' 1 Chronicles 4:10 The prayer of Jabez became a national best-selling book when Scott began his career. I have prayed this prayer over him on and off for years. When we began building the house I knew this was the verse I would write in his office. I came to the house often and would kneel in each room and pray. I remember being in the office writing that verse praying over Scott and having an overwhelming sensation to not pray that prayer unless I was ready for God to make a move, a big move, in my husband's life. I kind of shrugged it off and continued praying anyway. We have been in our home for about four months now and God is already moving in Scott's career. I prayed believing the prayer of Jabez for Scott but never thought God would move this fast.

"Just because someone has more followers than you doesn't mean they're better than you. Hitler had millions. Jesus had 12." Funny how God works sometimes...well, all the time. I often forget that He knows my thoughts and ways before they even happen. I woke up this morning to my daily verse, devotion, and the quote above all saying the same thing. I, like you, have struggles. I, like many women, have insecurities. In this day and age where status has meaning and how many followers you have on whatever social media you fancy is important. I struggle. I say I don't but let's be real, subconsciously someone out there has convinced us this stuff matters. I know I am only 35 (even thought I cannot believe it), but I have learned through my growing up that more friends or "followers" doesn't mean a more fulfilled life. Being invited to every event isn't the end-all-be-all. Being included in every play date isn't the most important thing. What

"Let Me help you get through this day." Jesus Calling Sometimes I look for the big blunders or problems when I hear Him tell me to let Him help me through the day. I am wondering when the life-altering event is going to occur forcing me to my knees in pure abandon because I have no where else to go and don't know what else to do. I forget the little things; those moments when I am exhausted and can't move another muscle but have three hungry boys to feed. Those moments when the laundry is STILL in the washing machine and I have already run it twice because I left it the first time and didn't want it to start to smell. Those moments when I really desire to be slow to anger but my patience was tested all day. There was shaving cream all over my kitchen and the kids but we were laughing and letting chaos be chaos. We went outside in our close and danced in the hose enjoying the moment and Texas heat. And then it happened. In between popsicles and running around the

"Mary sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said. But Martha was busy with all the things that had to be done." Luke 10:39-40 I am a busy-body. I have to be on-the-go constantly and cannot comprehend relaxing or taking a nap. There are things to do; people to see. If I don't complete the tasks now they will pile up into an unmanageable pile of overwhelming chaos. My husband, however, knows exactly how to relax. Sometimes I get mad when I see him napping in all his splendor of peace while other times, I envy him. I am always telling the boys to rest their bodies because rest is good for their souls and helps them grow. Yet, I don't follow my own instructions. Too many demands. Too many texts and emails to respond to, pictures to upload, meals to prepare, laundry to fold. Summer began a week ago in our home and I am completely and utterly in heaven having all the boys home with no real agenda. I felt free that first summer day. It got me to thinking about h

"Teach us to number our days, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 Let me preface this post by saying that I have ignored the prompting to write this one for far too long. I didn't want to write it because, for so long, I have feared death. I am not afraid of dying or Heaven. I am afraid of leaving my family behind and shattering their everything or losing someone close to me. However, when God wants you to do something He won't let you be until you follow through. So, here I sit; palms a little sweaty. Death is always present. You know it's there and eminent. There is no denying death or escaping it. However, most of us do not think about death on a daily basis. We go about our lives living it up not thinking about the end. Last fall I began a journey where God forced me to face death and I wasn't that happy about the journey to be quite honest. My adventure began with a series at our church that went through the phases of death. Then, at our

I am flooded with ideas and words that need to be written. I let the chaos of everyday life get in the way even though I am constantly feeling and hearing God tell me to "write it down." I hear Him boldly yet let life take-over. Not anymore. After today, my passion to get out the name of Jesus and all He is doing in my life and how alive, active, and relevant He and His Word are today is beyond measure. So, here I sit with three loud crazy boys playing around me trying to write one of the most important messages I can ever write. I will try my best to relay this precious message that has been on my heart for ages... "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." John 14:6 Commercialism. Humanness. Man-made rules. Religion. Hypocrisy. Lies. Manipulation. Marketing. Complicated. Judgment. Terrified. Do you ever feel like you are being "sold" on Jesus? Like He is some commodity that needs to be on the market with

"He opened the rock, and water gushed out; it flowed like a river in the desert." Psalm 105:41 Have you ever had one of those dreams that impacted you mightily? I have some crazy dreams. I often wonder where my mind goes as I sleep. Some are jolting, others joyful, and some I google in order to find meaning in the craziness. A few nights ago I had a very vivid dream. So real and impacting. I was intrigued how God moved in my dreams. Most of us believe God only came to people in their dreams in Bible times. I believe He can speak clearly to us in our dreams today. Scott and I were in our backyard at the new house. I bent down and pulled out a blade of grass. I held it up to him to show him the giant root that was brown and dry. So dry that I made a comment to Scott stating we needed to make sure we watered the grass when we moved in. I didn't want the grass to die and, by the looks of the exceptionally dry roots, the grass did not have much time. That dry root was so cl

As the trees come back to life and the grass turns green I think of the classic story, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carl. I love this story. I remember reading it as a child and now I share it with my children and the preschoolers I teach. As winter fades and spring blossoms I relish in the blessing of new life. I, too, feel as though I am ending one chapter and heading into another blossoming through all that God is teaching me. I, like that very hungry caterpillar, have experienced a journey of famine that led to an overflowing leading to pains and stretching and a time of seclusion so that He may do His great work in me. I have felt like I was in a cocoon. It was tight and squishy and dark and scary. Many times I tried to wiggle my way out too soon leading to difficulties I most likely would not have faced had I trusted completely in Him. But you see, I got claustrophobic and thought if I could only get myself out of this cocoon a little sooner I can breathe and

I watching one of my favorite shows, Pioneer Woman, and she was cooking a pot roast. After she put all the ingredients in she said, "Now here comes the most difficult part. Are you ready? Put the lid on and leave it alone." She continued to say that you must leave the roast alone to do its thing and become a juicy tasty feast. This got me to thinking...life is like a pot roast. I don't know about you but when I cook pot roast I break the rules and lift the lid at least once or twice. I am always worried it's not fully cooking or needs a little push here and there with a spoon. I can't just leave well enough alone. I have to mess with it. How often do we do this in our lives? God is trying to work and bless and do great things for and through us yet we can't help but fuss. We can't leave our lives alone and let the story play. Nope. We have to lift the lid and check to make sure God is really doing what He said He would. I mean, we don't want to be tou

Fear. Anxiety. Unknown. Shaken. Worry. Paralysis. My mom tells a story about me when I was three years old. I used to play in our backyard and collect snails. Don't judge. I was quite the tomboy as a kid. I would take these snails and line them up in a perfect row. I would have them "march" and get upset if they got out of line. The underlying joke in our family is that I have not changed. I like my things, my life, lined up perfectly. If something gets out of place, I get upset. While I know ultimately I am not in control, I strive for this life of stability and all my ducks in a row. I have learned that this is not how God works. He loves to bless us and give us an abundant life but will move and shift in our lives so that our faith will grow and flourish. I think He thought it awfully funny when He designed our family. Jackson was planned and his birth and the timing of it, perfect. Grady and Wyatt? Not so much. Their pregnancies and births were a whirlwind. I believ

I woke up in the middle of the night...well, let's be honest, a child woke me up in the middle of the night and I could not go back to sleep. My mind started racing and thinking and making lists and doing all of the things it should not have been doing at 4am. What, in particular, was I thinking about? Groceries. Weird I know. My mind is a crazy place. I was thinking about the order of a grocery store (bear with me) and how they are so packed full of food and literally on almost every corner. I thought about all the preservatives they have to put in food to keep it "fresh" and all the research out there terrifying us with all the new "facts" about what we put into our bodies and how each bite of the stuff will lead to cancer and death. Good stuff, right?!?!? Doesn't everyone think this way when they can't sleep. Ha! This thinking about our abundance of food led me to thinking about our friends who are adopting a baby from Ethiopia. I thought about this

I hate prunes. Everything about them. The taste. The texture. The smell. Prunes are not appetizing to me AT ALL. Fitting God would prune me. I know I need to be pruned but most times, I don't like the process. I have been broken, bruised, pushed, pulled, and drug through the mud throughout my life. The past six months were and continue to be a season of pruning for me and trust me, many tears have been shed. Often times I fight against the pruning until God gives me that one moment, a brief glimpse of grace and reminder that He's got this. There are so many things I have learned during these months being poked, prodded, and moved. I find peace in knowing none of this is being done in vain. There is a greater purpose. I know with all that I am that I am being pruned for something greater. There is meaning to the pain, frustration, and even great joy. I find rest in John 11:40...Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"

I have experienced a quiet little nudge for the past three months to write. It's the constant quiet voice that keeps repeating in my head and heart to write. Never in a million years did I think I could write. I always struggled with prepositional phrases and how to properly end a sentence. I often joke with my grammatically correct friend. I think I am a little jealous that she knows all the writing rules. Anyway, I digress. My heart and mind are overflowing with thoughts, feelings, dreams, and experiences that I have a burning desire to share. Life is a journey. I feel it is so much better to share life and all its intricacies with others. I am on a road of faith believing with all that I am; all that makes me up that I am led by a Savior to a destination of eternity. That road is a beautiful disaster. I am constantly being molded, stretched, pushed to my limits, full of abundant joy, experience great sorrow, scared, anxious, glad, content, unhappy, ungrateful, yet full of grac