The Fish Tank

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10 NKJV When I was about 8 years old I went around my neighborhood with homemade invitations inviting all my neighborhood friends to a party. I was so excited to have all my friends over for this random event that I made up all on my own. I remember my mom asking what I was doing. Of course I hadn't run it by her first. Twenty-eight years later and not much has changed. I thrive on having people over. I love gathering together with others. It is the heart-beat of my life. I love connections, enjoying a meal around the table, and just being with others. I have had a few life-giving moments lately and it got me to thinking. We all have those relationships that suck us dry. Like the thief who comes to steal and destroy, we have relationships that rob us of an abundant life. It happens. If you are going to go into

As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42 When I was little, I used to play with all kinds of bugs, insects, and animals. I always had something in some kind of container. I remember playing with fuzzy black caterpillars on the tile in the entryway of our home. I recall holding a gecko by its tail when the tail broke off setting the lizard free. I tried to rescue a grasshopper

In his book, Crash the Chatterbox, Steven Furtick talks about how we compare our everyday mundane lives to others' highlight reel. Social media has enhanced this quite a bit over the years. I have heard this quote repeatedly recently. As I sat on this quote realizing its truth, I began to wonder about perspective. How does one's perspective impact his or her life, whether positive or negative, and what does God have to say about the type of perspective we are supposed to carry? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines perspective as, "the aspect in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed; a view of things in their true relationship or relative importance." Hmmm...a view of things in their TRUE relationship or importance. I am not sure if my perspective on life and all that it entails is always true or relative to importance. For instance, I may blow something completely out of proportion because I am having an emotional or stressful day. My perspective of a l

I look forward to the fall. Every year I wait for it like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. I love the big, bright, clear, blue Texas skies. The air is cool and crisp and the leaves begin to change to deep red, vibrant yellow, and burnt orange. The holiday season is on the horizon and I look forward to cooking, spending time with loved ones, and a house full of yummy scents. It seems, however, that every fall, my favorite time of year, I experience stresses. About two years ago, a very dear friend suddenly lost her sister in a tragic accident. She was a beautiful 30-something with her entire life ahead of her. At that time, Scott was traveling a lot. His co-worker was on a business trip and no one could reach him. Unfortunately, the man had a heart attack in his hotel room and had passed away. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and hold my family hostage keeping everyone safe and in a controlled environment. I wanted to keep everyone away from all the yucky stuff going on so t

Dear Jackson, You are my precious first born; the one that first made me a mommy and forever changed my life. Little did I know when you were born what a grand effect you would have on me. We were driving down Preston Road when you were about four years old. You snuggled in the back seat between your two baby brothers asking loads of questions stumping me on most of them as you usually did. The question that stunned me was when you asked if you could pray to have Jesus in your heart. You were talking about Him and what salvation meant. You wanted Jesus. I quickly pulled over into the Whataburger parking lot, grabbed you out of your car seat, brought you up front with me, and we talked about Jesus. We talked about His life and what He did for us on that fateful day on the blessed beautiful cross. We talked about sacrifice and what that means and looks like in a four year old's mind and we talked about faith being personal. Then, we prayed together and you asked Jesus into your lif

I love when a small little thought becomes something so much bigger. I began thinking about my life and where God fits. I wondered if I was truly allowing Him in or constantly pushing back on all that He had and wanted for my life. I know many of you have seen the picture of the little girl holding tightly to a small teddy bear. She is talking to God and He is trying to convince her to give Him the teddy bear. She cannot see the larger bear behind his back and is not convinced that what He has for her life is so much greater than that which she is holding tightly to. Her bear was so grand in her eyes that she couldn't see anything more. "The thief comes only to steal and destroy; I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 Jesus came to give us life. He came to give us abundant life. The thief, Satan, comes to rob us of the life He meant for us. Isn't it interesting that the Devil is sneaky enough to entice us with good things so we miss the

Ebola. ISIS. Enterovirus. Economic crisis. Government conflict. There are few days in which the Today Show headlines consist of time-fillers and pop culture. I remember a world where major news stories were in the minority. Now it seems a horrific news story comes once a day if not every hour. With a case of Ebola forty-five minutes from my front door, I had to stop, take a deep breath, and reevaluate. Two or so years ago I cam face-to-face with a mighty giant in my life. I have written about my giant before in a blog entitled, "Crippling" describing what I went through and how I healed. Living in small quarters with a family of five, a large dog, and a traveling husband while building a house in a brand new community left me feeling anxious. Put yourself in that situation and the Lord will most definitely bring the skeletons out of your closet. While I feel I have a handle on and have learned to cope with my anxious thoughts, I can get pulled back there, especially as I wa

I was laying on the office floor chatting with Scott. We were talking about everything from daily stuff to our hopes and dreams. We maybe only talked for twenty minutes or so, but it was so sweet; a nice moment to connect to the man I fell in love with many moons ago. That moment reminded me that even though this world may seem like it's falling apart at the seams sometimes and everything may be in disarray, I am living in the sweet spot right now. I am being molded, changed, and transformed from the inside out. My thirties has been such a journey of discovery, growth, and maturity. God is doing a work in me and it is good. Even though I am being challenged, I am still living in the sweet spot. I look through joy-filled lenses even on the darkest day. I have come to find rest, comfort, and true meaning in Romans 15:13 that says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

OH MY GOOD GRAVY y'all! I know, Cali friends, I sound awfully Texan but seriously, the Lord could not have been anymore clear to me today. Have you ever had those moments when you felt overlooked? Have you ever felt like you were pushed aside by someone because a better offer came along? When did you feel like you didn't belong or you looked around the room and everyone seemed to have a friend or was included in a group except you? If I am going to be brave, I need to be honest. I have baggage. I have struggles. I have insecurities. They make me who I am. They challenge me, hold me back, and give me the drive I need to push ahead. I woke-up having the, "my struggles and insecurities are going to challenge me today" kind of a day. I just felt off and unwanted. I felt like the kid who wasn't chosen to be on the team because I wasn't cool enough. I got out of bed and got the boys ready and off to school, all the while, praying asking God to change my thinking

I am living good. The kids are happy and healthy adjusting to school well and doing great in their newfound sport of baseball. Scott has been working from home a ton and I cannot remember the last time he traveled. I am adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom again. I feel like everything is smooth sailing and all is right in our little world and I am right with the Lord. Then, the train of humility came rushing at me and knocked me to my knees in humbleness. God is wrecking me and you know what? I kind of like it. I had a week filled with things that kept reminding me that I need Him; that He is definitely not through with me. I still have a lot of work to do. I knew and know this but, in the comfort of my life, I forgot it. I got comfortable in my security. I read this week that God does not promise security or comfort yet we continually chase it to no end. We relentlessly search and look for comfort and security in everything but Him. I sat on the garage floor, worship music blari

I woke up this morning at 6:30am and could not fall back asleep. Jack was the only one awake and he was watching a show so I had some time to stay in my warm cozy bed but God apparently had other plans. My mind started racing and I couldn't get it to quiet down. I am writing this blog to get all my crazy thoughts out so they will leave me alone. I want to state that this is my opinion; my blog a diary of sorts. I am not writing this because I believe religion is bad. I know religion is good for many. I, however, feel like there is an organic nature to God that we in this world have lost. Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 Jesus. He is it; all we need. I am going to be bold and say that, for me, religion is man made. Christianity, in its purest form, is the belief in Christ; accepting the He is truly the way, truth, and life. Christianity is believing that God sent His son to die for our sins

I was sweating my behind off doing lunges and running laps around our gym this morning when a huge wave of gratitude came over me. Weird that I'd be grateful doing lunges but I was. The weather was a smidge cooler this morning (think 80 instead of 90) and a tiny sense of fall coming was in the air. As I went around the building I began listing all the things I am grateful for. I decided I needed to write all these things down for future reference; for those moments when life seems like it is closing in on me or I am having a pity party for one. I am not writing this blog to brag about how good my life is because let's face it, we all have bad moments, bad hours, bad days even amongst the good stuff. I want this list to look back on and relish in especially at this time in this day when the world seems to have gone mad. So, here goes...my list of goodness. 1. I am thankful that my hope is not in a government system, material possessions, what I do or do not have, or myself. My

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 I was on the elliptical catching up on my Family Circle magazine and the news. I went to sit on the porch after my workout to read my chapter in Isaiah that I hadn't gotten to this morning. I sat staring at the sky praying. As I prayed I watched the sky turn the softest pale pink. Even though I was transfixed on the soft sky, my prayers were hard. I was praying for many things, but specifically for our world that has seemed to go into a negative tailspin as of late. As I sat, I kept hearing the word "grace" repeat over and over again in my head. I never opened my Bible. I just sat and thought about grace. I thought about everything that is happening at home and abroad and how it relates to grace. I wondered why we are so afraid o

"Lead me with strong hands Stand up when I can't" Sanctus Real I was sitting on the airplane reading, "My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife" getting those strange looks from those around me because I was reading a book about a woman being submissive. Gasp! I read a line in the book that struck me to the core; to a place so deep inside me I didn't even know it existed. The author quoted the great Beth Moore who said, "You are not your husband's Holy Spirit." Holy hallelujah and amen. This statement could not be closer to the truth and man, was it freeing beyond belief. Scott and I were newly married: a young know-it-all 20-something wife and a 30-something husband trying to find his way leading his new found family of two. We were at lunch at a Mexican food restaurant with our pastor and his wife; the pastor that married us. We wanted to purchase a home but the California real estate market was quite intimidating. Scott could not fathom

Scott was standing on our ice-covered grass talking to our warranty guy and his boss's boss. I could remotely hear them talking while Wyatt and I were in the kitchen making cookies. I felt that feisty fire begin to well up inside me and prayed a little prayer. I then left my three year old to man the mixer and headed outside. I don't think I even had shoes on and it was near zero degrees that day. Flashback a few days earlier. Scott was working away in his office when a box of books randomly fell over. When he went to lift the box it was soaking wet. Our wall was leaking from the melting ice on our roof and the warranty department didn't want to fix the problem. They were adamant that this was a fluke situation, that our houses aren't built for ice since it doesn't happen often in Texas (we have had some sort of ice or snow every year since we moved here seven years ago), and told us to call our home owners insurance company. Quite frankly, I was done with our build

I was porch sitting the other morning. Porch sitting. It's my new lingo for Scott. I tell him I am going to go do some porch sitting for a few minutes and he knows that means this mama needs some quiet time with God. I have a favorite spot on my porch where I read and pray and sometimes just sit. So, I was porch sitting the other morning in my jammies and an overwhelming sense of rest came over me. I was thinking about the friends (my peeps) in my life. I realized how extraordinarily blessed I was and am. I started mentally listing my friends and how they bless me in my head. I was astounded by how many people love me and how they care for me in an exceptional way. Each person plays a pivotal and distinct role in my life and I absolutely love their unique touch on my life. A few verses came to mind when I thought about my friends. "People learn from each other just as iron sharpens iron." Proverbs 27:17 I can honestly say that I have many "iron sharpeners" in

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:10-12 Sometimes you have to do what is unpopular. God calls us to a life not of this world. He asks us to be happy living this way and reminds us that our reward is not here but in heaven. Sometimes, though, that's really hard. Today marks me and Scott's 12 year wedding anniversary. We started dating 18 years ago (me-oh-my) when I was a mere 18 year old high school graduate and he a young 24 year old fresh out of the military. He was so cute (and still is). When we started dating, Scott was not a Christian. I had just graduated high school and was heavily involved in our youth program. I fell in love and honestly

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom

Every summer since we moved to Texas seven years ago we have taken a vacation. Whether we went back to California to visit friends and family or explored somewhere new, we went somewhere. I don't remember doing this as a child. We went on two big vacations (Hawaii and Washington DC) and several small getaways (San Diego, Lake Arrowhead, and the Central Coast) but we did not travel every summer and we for sure did not experience elaborate vacations every year. And you know what, I look back on my childhood and do not feel like I missed out because we didn't go to Disney World or Cancun so why on earth do I feel the need to go on crazy expensive vacations every summer? I am writing this blog as a confession because I was bummed out for totally selfish reasons. I was on Facebook witnessing all my friends and family go on these fun family vacations having the time of their lives and we weren't. It changed my attitude and demeanor and I did not like that at all. Scott and I de

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 Last week I posted a thought I had about how we should treat one another. I said we should allow people to do what they can for us not what we expect them to do. Have you ever been in a predicament where you felt absolutely alone and like you needed your army to surround you in a certain way and it didn't play out the way you envisioned? People came, loved, and helped but not the way you would have or not to the extent that you imagined? Have you ever helped someone but you felt like you didn't do enough for them; not because you didn't try but because their expectations were too high? I have lived both experiences and quite frankly, I am done. I have been disappointed in people too often and felt inadequate too many times. I will instead act justly, be merciful, and humble when serving others and receivin

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 I like to follow various people on Instagram mostly for the sake of inspiration. Their words and pictures give me hope and, for the most part, bring a smile to my face. Scott and I were driving home from a little getaway. I was scrolling through my feed when a former priest showed up. He talked about how he is no longer a priest nor does he believe in God after many many years of believing and serving the church. His reasons were valid and understandable. He saw so many tragic things during his years of faith that he could not understand a God that would allow such horror. I sat on that drive home and pondered this for a good long time. I could not get this man nor all the commenters out of my head. My heart broke for each and every one of them and I realized how easily we all get this so very wrong. I am fairl

I would like to say I am the girl who remains calm and steadfast going to God in prayer in all situations for all things. Sadly, I am not her. I am the girl that you will find in the fetal position crying like a woman trying to get out of a speeding ticket. I find myself shedding tears and stomping my feet thinking that maybe, just maybe, I will get my way. I chase God in moments of uneasiness instead of resting in His steadfastness. Oh, how I long for and am striving to be the girl who knows Him in such an intimate way that nothing, nothing, can rock my world to the point of a hissy fit. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " Jeremiah 29:11 I have held tightly to this verse for 18 years. You would think it would be embedded on my heart in such a way that I would rest in it every single time things got rocky. Even though this verse is home to me, I do not always rea